To Tell or NOT to Tell

[JanJan19 205]

I only told my mother (I needed a ride home from the hospital) and a few close friends (one of which has had VSG and one that has had the band).

The friends I've told have been mostly supportive. The one that is two years post VSG (and hugely successful weight loss) I don't talk to as much because she's super militant and like, idk, her bedside manner so to speak wasn't jiving with me. I thought she was going to be a great resource, but it didn't work like that.

Eventually I'm going to have to tell a lot of people (work situation) but I'm going to deal with that as it comes. I'm down 15 pounds total. I have a work function in August & I have no way of knowing now if my weight loss will be noticeable or not. So I'll think about it then.

[JanJan19 205]

I will add - as much as I feel no need to tell anyone now, in my head I'm planning on telling everyone once I get to goal. Mostly because I want to proudly say "this is what I did," for those people that might be considering it too. I don't want to come across like "oh, new me? I took up jogging!" cause like, f that. I don't want to make someone struggling with their weight feel worse for their struggle. VSG is a very helpful tool. There's no way I'd be eating 500 calories a day without it. If I had more guts I'd probably just announce it right now, but I don't really want to be stared at WHILE i'm in the process.

[rs 1,473]

Has anyone kept your surgery a secret? I am pre-op and at this point, I don't want to have to explain WHY to everyone. I am also scared of being judged every time I eat in a social setting. What if I fail and have a regain, I can only imagine the judgment there. If you had it to do over again, would you tell people about the surgery, or not?

I could have written your post word for word before my surgery last August. My decision was to only tell my family and a couple of very close friends. I work with two of my friends that I told but made them promise not to tell anyone else at work. I'm very happy with my decision. I've lost 90 lbs now. People at work started noticing a couple months ago, asking what I've been doing. My response has been that I'm logging all my food, not eating the often times 3000 calories, focusing on Protein to keep me full, reducing carb intake, and exercising (that last part isn't entirely true and I really need to get going on that). I also said that I'm quickly approaching the age that my Dad was when he died of a heart attack which was related to his obesity (all true). When I had the surgery last summer I didn't tell anyone at work what type it was. One person asked and I just said I'm not comfortable talking about it but thanks for asking. A few weeks ago a different coworker point blank asked me if I had bariatric surgery. Completely caught me off guard and I felt it was kinda rude. I looked her straight in the eye and lied. I said no, then gave my spiel about logging food etc. Best of luck on your journey!

[rs 1,473]

I saw someone post once, "No one asked me the details about my weight gain or how I got there, so they don't need to know the details of my weight loss or how I'm getting there" LOL!
For me only my immediate family know as well as 3 close friends.

Oh I like that quote!

[Frustr8 7,886]

And one,i used when someone started prying and I didn't feel like talking.
Hey_____I just found your 👃 nose. It was right in the middle of My Business" Turned on my heel and left while her mouth was still standing open!

[S@ssen@ch 745]

I started off only telling those I felt needed to know, which at that time was my husband and a couple of my close friends. There are members of my immediate family who still don't know. For me, I didn't handle it like this to avoid judgment or fear of failure, I just figured that the world didn't need to be included in decisions I make about my personal health. I am a rather private person anyway, so handling it this way didn't feel like a deviation from how I handle anything in my life.

My weight loss has been slow enough that I haven't gotten a lot of questions about "how". I don't feel the need to advertise that I had WLS, but I don't hide it. If someone has the guts to ask if I had surgery, I'll tell them. Otherwise, if they do ask how I'm losing, I can honestly answer that it's because I'm eating healthier and exercising.

At over the 1-year mark, I have been able to remain relatively private about my surgery. Most people are very positive and complimentary about my weight loss and don't really question it. If I had it to do again, I'd do it the same way.

Since you mentioned being afraid of being judged in a social setting, I'll tell you that my biggest challenge has been in restaurants. I seem to get questions when eating out. I've had family/friends think I either didn't like my food or was sick, but the biggest problem has been the wait staff. The servers notice when you don't eat much of your food, and depending on your setting, they may take offense and think that you didn't like the food. EX: I went on a cruise recently (and you know what kind of eat-fest THOSE are). Every meal the wait staff were VERY concerned that I hadn't eaten a lot of my food. I did my best to reassure them that I liked it, I just couldn't eat it. It was a little annoying, but a nice problem to have. I actually LOST weight on a cruise!

[Frustr8 7,886]

And that is rare, cruises are second only to College in packing on the "Freshman 15", all those tempting buffets, you may ship,on a " Princess" but you often return as big as an " Emperess"!

[GreenTealael 24,964]

On 6/4/2019 at 3:08 PM, Jemma23 said:

Has anyone kept your surgery a secret? I am pre-op and at this point, I don't want to have to explain WHY to everyone. I am also scared of being judged every time I eat in a social setting. What if I fail and have a regain, I can only imagine the judgment there. If you had it to do over again, would you tell people about the surgery, or not?

“This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day
Thou canst not then be false to any man/Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”

Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

F*©# what everyone else thinks...

[Krimsonbutterflies 661]

On 6/4/2019 at 8:59 PM, rs said:

On 6/4/2019 at 12:46 PM, ChocoTaco said:

I saw someone post once, "No one asked me the details about my weight gain or how I got there, so they don't need to know the details of my weight loss or how I'm getting there" LOL!
For me only my immediate family know as well as 3 close friends.

Oh I like that quote!

It's such a personal matter and very inappropriate to ask if you've had wls. You don't go around asking people do you have cancer, heart disease, does your reproductive system work and etc???? I believe in being selective about who and what you share your personal information with. This process is mental and emotional enough on its own, I don't understand why any rational person would invite the extra unhealthy people and stress into the process knowingly. Choose your support team wisely and use discretion is my advice.

Edited June 8, 2019 by Krimsonbutterflies

[Amelia2019 22]

Well I ended up telling my kids because if I have this surgery I going to need some sort of support system ! They were all on board ! I said let’s just take it one step at a time who knows If it will even happen ! Then stress has been lifted 🙌🏻

[delfie 81]

I have only shared with a select few. It's not out of shame or fear, it's because it's private and frankly, no one's business. I think it was Brenee Brown who said, share with those who have earned the right to hear your story. And that always really struck me as fundamentally correct.

[Krestel 330]

I have only told a select number of people...basically only those that I feel comfortable telling.

On the other hand, my surgeon gave me a letter to give to my school/work in order to explain that I needed three weeks to recover. It said straight out that I had GBP. When I complained that I didnt want them to know exactly why he replied, "There's no shame in having GBP. It's so common nowadays." I wanted to reply, "There's no shame in having an STD. It's so common nowadays."...but I was still recovering the day after surgery and didnt want to fight. Damn him. He eventually got the message and gave me a more generic letter instead.

[Sleeved in DFW :-) 61]

Told my husband, my mom and my daughter. My mom has a big mouth and told my brother. His wife had RNY and lost A LOT more weight than me. I had VSG. I feel judged by both of them which sucks. Wish my mom had kept it to herself like she promised. Huge betrayal. Anyway, like someone else said, no one cared or asked how I got fat so why do they need to know how I lost it? If I had an abortion would it be lying to not tell anyone about it? Should I walk around saying “Hi, I had an abortion, that’s why I’m not pregnant any longer.” I find it ridiculous that some people on here say it’s lying not to tell people you had the surgery. That’s BS. I’m extremely private about all of my life and this is no different. I am 18 months post-op and I am so happy I kept it to myself and my immediate family. It’s my body, my business. I had 70 lbs to lose so my weight loss was fairly slow and that probably made it less obvious to others. I feel that telling people (when they ask) that I eat low carb, smaller portions, very little processed food and I do 50 minutes of cardio four times a week is an accurate description of HOW I lost the weight. Seems honest enough to me. But everyone is different.

[txvsg 154]

2.75 years out I started out by keeping it to myself as I was a little embarrassed I guess maybe I told 10 people . But the longer it’s been the more I own it. Now if someone ask I normally just tell them. People will always judge idgaf honestly. My wife’s friend who doesn’t know makes jokes about it being the easy way out and my wife laughs and we joke Bout it because my pre op and post op diets freaked my wife out and she saw that it’s not EASY at all!

[Out with the old 0]

On 6/4/2019 at 8:28 PM, LaShunn said:

Well,well,welll.. .I decided to tell EVERYONE that I was having the gastric sleeve surgery & every single day someone ask -- how much I've loss or have smart comments like-- well if you would have exercised first, then you wouldn't have needed the surgery. Every day I want to tell someone to mind the business that pays them. Lol

I've only loss 15lbs

SW 259

CW 244

Surgery date April 25th

I have not told anyone at all not even my husband who thinks I have had hernia repair . Got a taxi there and back . This is my journey and no none is going to make me feel good or bad