Its been one week since my surgery and my emotions are running rampant. My husband and I began this journey together 6 months ago, He has not scheduled his surgery yet because of seasonal work demands. We had an argument early on, about into month 4 pre-op. that I was doing all the shopping, cooking, weighing, measuring, and he was reaping all the benefits. He wasn't accountable for his own diet and I felt like the diet police. He picked up responsibility for his own weighing, measuring and tracking then...or so I thought. Last week while I was in the hospital I discovered otherwise. he didn't know that I'd set up our accounts to have receipts sent online. To reduce paper. Imagine my surprise when I received a receipt for: 2 packages of Polish sausage, a family size bag of chips, a bag of Hershey kisses, a package of Klondike bars. When I confronted him, he denied it until I showed him the receipt. Ok...so he said he screwed up. then yesterday when I sat down to do Bills I discover He also has been frequenting Burger King, Wendys, Mcdonalds and Little Ceasers: and the amounts on the receipts indicate more than one person should eat..Someone he works with made a comment online to me about how surprised they are that he has lost so much weight considering the sweets he eats at work. I am so angry with him. I feel like he not only is cheating himself but he is cheating on me and hiding it. This last 6 months has not been easy. This past two weeks on liquid has not been easy. I am so angry and he is brushing it off with "OH Well" Your emotions are just heightened right now.

I understand why you are angry. My husband is 19 years older than I am and my biggest fear is that he is going to die.

My husband has diabetes and I find Dunkin' Donut wrappers in the back of his car and he buys junk and brings it in the house and eats unhealthy fried food when we go out. It's taken me MANY, many hours to explain what is healthy for an overweight 68 year old man with Diabetes to be eating.

I wish he was interested in the surgery or reading nutrition information on food at the store, but it's just not going to happen right now.

It's like flying. You have to secure your own oxygen mask first before you can help others. I realized, to have a happy marriage, I was going to have to lead the eating healthy movement by example, but that nagging him or "catching" him doing stuff that terrible for him is not going to make anything better. He has to want to get healthier on his own timeline.

Good luck, I empathize.

He has to want to do it himself - you can't make him, otherwise you end up resentful.

2 hours ago, majnoah said:

Hershey kisses, Klondike bar - Burger King, Wendys, Mcdonalds Little Ceasers: . Ok..said he screwed up - cheating himself but he is cheating on me and hiding it.

@froufrou"u can help others"

@majnoah

my mouth is drooling after reading about the above foods. LOL

If my DH was eating and sneaking the above - i would be furious too

DH saying "OH Well" your emotions are just heightened right now". I've heard this from OP

on an occasion - but in your case not applicable - he is putting his prob on you, putting it all

on you. he was "good" in the past - past is behind him and you & me - hopefully he will do well

in the future with his eating - butttt he should not eat bad foods at any time - whether he

has surgery or not, he shouldn't throw temptation in your face.

good luck on your journey

kathy

I understand why you are mad! Last night my husband comes in an wakes me to tell me that they put cheddar instead of swizz on his burger but it still so dam good. I was like Really. You HAVE TO FOCUS ON YOU and let him do what he wants because you wont be able to change only he can. First don't have the receipt sent home if you cant not look at them. Focus on positive. I survived a liquid diet day, I didn't cheat even though you could have. You got this.

2 hours ago, proudgrammy said:

@froufrou"u can help others"

Hi, not sure what you mean by this?

He’s not ready for this commitment. Focus on you bc he’s not going to change until he’s ready

The only people who's diets we can control are our own and our minor children's. Husbands are out of our control

13 hours ago, froufrou said:

He has to want to do it himself - you can't make him, otherwise you end up resentful.

Most likely both would end up resentful.

Edited March 3, 20197 yr by summerset

Okay, so, this is from my experience -

In the beginning, I was SO ANGRY with my boyfriend for not taking his health as seriously as I was taking mine. He was not pursuing surgery, but I still wanted him to get healthier with me - I wanted a partner for the journey.

Angrier than I'd ever imagine myself being btw, because for once in my life I was taking my weight seriously and giving it MY ?? ABSOLUTE ?? ALL ?? and he was not.

5 months after starting the bariatric process and 3 months after surgery, I am no longer angry. In fact, while I care about his health, I now consider it his burden, not mine. I hardly care at all.

You can't force someone to want to change, or force them to have the willpower, conviction, and discipline to change. You can only accept whether you want them in your life or not.

As for me and the bf, it will likely be a factor in us breaking up; I find the lack of attention to his weight unattractive now, whereas before I started this process I didn't mind it. I want to surround myself with people who care about health and fitness because it is now a major part of my life. Of course, you are married so the decision will be harder for you. I just wanted to share my experience in case it helps - you're not the only one who feels this way.

So both me and the husband were close to 150 overweight when I started my process last year. My husband is 11 years older than me. Now my husband is slowly completing the process for surgery. We are each other's worst enablers. I'll even admit it. I need to get much better at setting limitations on the type of food that comes into the house. Also we need to get better about cooking for the week and doing meal prey then fast food. We've both been in a huge funk

Its been one week since my surgery and my emotions are running rampant. My husband and I began this journey together 6 months ago, He has not scheduled his surgery yet because of seasonal work demands. We had an argument early on, about into month 4 pre-op. that I was doing all the shopping, cooking, weighing, measuring, and he was reaping all the benefits. He wasn't accountable for his own diet and I felt like the diet police. He picked up responsibility for his own weighing, measuring and tracking then...or so I thought. Last week while I was in the hospital I discovered otherwise. he didn't know that I'd set up our accounts to have receipts sent online. To reduce paper. Imagine my surprise when I received a receipt for: 2 packages of Polish sausage, a family size bag of chips, a bag of Hershey kisses, a package of Klondike bars. When I confronted him, he denied it until I showed him the receipt. Ok...so he said he screwed up. then yesterday when I sat down to do Bills I discover He also has been frequenting Burger King, Wendys, Mcdonalds and Little Ceasers: and the amounts on the receipts indicate more than one person should eat..Someone he works with made a comment online to me about how surprised they are that he has lost so much weight considering the sweets he eats at work. I am so angry with him. I feel like he not only is cheating himself but he is cheating on me and hiding it. This last 6 months has not been easy. This past two weeks on liquid has not been easy. I am so angry and he is brushing it off with "OH Well" Your emotions are just heightened right now.

You cannot control what others do only what you do. You should be focusing on taking care of yourself and not flipping out over someone else eating a burger.

Don't allow others to make you angry, it gives them a power over you they don't deserve. Just take a. " Whatever" pill and let them swing from their own Moore. Take care of You First!

On 3/2/2019 at 2:10 PM, majnoah said:

Its been one week since my surgery and my emotions are running rampant. My husband and I began this journey together 6 months ago, He has not scheduled his surgery yet because of seasonal work demands. We had an argument early on, about into month 4 pre-op. that I was doing all the shopping, cooking, weighing, measuring, and he was reaping all the benefits. He wasn't accountable for his own diet and I felt like the diet police. He picked up responsibility for his own weighing, measuring and tracking then...or so I thought. Last week while I was in the hospital I discovered otherwise. he didn't know that I'd set up our accounts to have receipts sent online. To reduce paper. Imagine my surprise when I received a receipt for: 2 packages of Polish sausage, a family size bag of chips, a bag of Hershey kisses, a package of Klondike bars. When I confronted him, he denied it until I showed him the receipt. Ok...so he said he screwed up. then yesterday when I sat down to do Bills I discover He also has been frequenting Burger King, Wendys, Mcdonalds and Little Ceasers: and the amounts on the receipts indicate more than one person should eat..Someone he works with made a comment online to me about how surprised they are that he has lost so much weight considering the sweets he eats at work. I am so angry with him. I feel like he not only is cheating himself but he is cheating on me and hiding it. This last 6 months has not been easy. This past two weeks on liquid has not been easy. I am so angry and he is brushing it off with "OH Well" Your emotions are just heightened right now.

Sorry ❤

Sometimes life divides paths and some journeys must be taken alone.

But now you know you have to focus completely on yourself.

I concur with what most everyone said. You can't want this for him, and you can't expect him to do a certain program or stick to a certain program just because you want him to. Yeah, it will make it more difficult for you if he isn't eating the same as you, but you're the one who ultimately decides what you eat, not him.

You can only control what foods go into your mouth. He has to want it himself and do it himself.

Focus on what you need to do. Hopefully you can serve as a role model and he will follow suit. If not, again, you can only control you.