Being in emotional pain for the better part of 45 years and now in physical pain for several years and after dozens of failed attempts to lose weight, I've decided on bariatric surgery. Surgery is scheduled for March 6, 2019. I was excited for about a minute... then the fears set in.

• How drastically will my life change when I lose the weight?
• Will my husband and I still love each other? Will our lives take such different paths that we grow apart?
• What will family and colleagues say/think?
• Am I vain for wanting to do this?

Then there is the uncertainty of success...

• Can I truly commit to this new lifestyle?
• Will this be added to list of failures?

I am committed to this decision and yet as I sit here while the family is still asleep, with tears streaming down my face, I keep asking myself "why are you afraid to be thin?"

Edited February 24, 20197 yr by sneezergirl

You'll do great! You have amazing insight to some great questions before surgery! Line yourself up with a therapist for post care support! The surgery is only a tool. Every question you have is valid and you'll need some great support systems lined up! Have a successful surgery!

This is a life changing decision, yes your life will change drastically, your husband will still love you even though your weight will change he fell in love because of who you are, you will still be you,your family and friends will have different opinions some good some bad just try to stay away from the toxic ones unfortunately friends will change and some of them will try to put you down, in my case my father in law was opposed to the procedure but I told him the last the decision was already made and that I didn’t want his permission just his support flash toward 11 months I’ve lost 138 pounds I’m weighing 172 pounds and he tells me I can still lose some more weight I’m 5’11 I just don’t pay attention to him anymore.

you are not vain for wanting a better life style, I can run with my kids I don’t get tired I had a heart condition before surgery I don’t any more don’t have to take any kinds of pills for my heart, sex got so much better I don’t feel tired the whole day and even stopped snoring I can shop for regular clothes and I’m not ashame of taking pictures. For the first time in I don’t know how long I’m healthy if people want to think I’m vain that’s their problem I’m just happy I’m gonna be around to watch my kids grow up.

the road is a hard one but try to keep your eyes on the price this surgery is not a magic pill that will make you thin from night to day is a tool to help you achieve a healthier lifestyle you need to work your ass off go to the gym or do sports or martial arts, stick to your Dr orders don’t take anything for granted if you are unsure of something call your doc I’m sure he’ll answer any question you might have stay away from sodas or any carbonated drinks and from sugar don’t eat and drink at the same time and always take your vitamins and protein as long as you follow your Drs orders this won’t be a failure

congrats on giving your first step towards a healthier future

also keep posting I found that talking to people who went through the same things helped a lot

I understand to some extent (no-one has walked in your shoes obviously). I cried beforehand too asking myself who was I to subject my family to the risk of major surgery and my potential loss just to lose weight I should have moved more and eaten less to lose...

...then I looked back at each of my attempts and attempts by peers that ended up worse than useless. All the cyclical guilt and progressive chipping away of ability and heart to try again.

Then I looked back at the stats that said it's not just me. 90% of dieters regain. Then the stats for serious heart, bone, and blood disorders I was suffering or almost certain to suffer soon. Would I catch some mysteriously different wave, despite the painful joints and crushing self loathing that kept me in the house whenever there was a choice? Would I get enough weight off to counter those almost certain ill effects? How many more years with my family would I lose before I got there, if I got there?

Then I looked at the success rates currently known and the safety record for these surgeries for my surgeon and his team because I had managed that risk pretty hard with research.

Then I reckoned, even if I had moderate regain, it would like be 2 or so years going in the right direction. 2 or so years not going another morbidly obese BMI data point higher. 2 odd years to reset and regain some mobility and motivation even if I'm only as successful as the 30% who struggle the most to lose.

It all added up to a good choice. A brave choice. A kick start and a tool to gift to the strong, resilient, courageous me that has been hiding from a world too stupid to see the help you needed.

Then I did look at the identity I'd forged since being a fat five year old. I'd never been 'normal', never been classically 'attractive', but I'd mostly enjoyed not having to compete on the modern beauty playing field...it always looked an utter waste of money, time, and energy. Not chuffed at the prospect of being involuntarily judged on that yardstick in future if I'm booted out of the fat pigeonhole. I was comfy telling folk to f-off from my cosy corner of the fat pigeon hole because I was usually better than them at my job, and generally at being a worthwhile human. So that will be interesting, but hey, 5 weeks post sleeve I'm already ready to tell them to bring it on. Plus thanks to folk like Jamilla Jamil and many others it's a far leveller playing field.

A long, long, long and flowery way of saying it is of course your choice, but I suspect you didn't make it lightly and all the reasons you are here haven't gone away. I hope you find your peace soon. xxx

These are all normal feelings. Trust me I have these and more going through my head. I'm very worried about skin hanging and a hanging chin. But, I'm marching forward tomorrow. Best of luck on yours. I bet you will be happy with your outcome!

Thank you all for your insights and encouragement!

6 hours ago, sneezergirl said:

• How drastically will my life change when I lose the weight?
• Will my husband and I still love each other? Will our lives take such different paths that we grow apart?
• What will family and colleagues say/think?
• Am I vain for wanting to do this?

Then there is the uncertainty of success...

• Can I truly commit to this new lifestyle?
• Will this be added to list of failures?

I am committed to this decision and yet as I sit here while the family is still asleep, with tears streaming down my face, I keep asking myself "why are you afraid to be thin?"

It can drastically change your life by making you more healthier. Being healthy tends to make one happier.

My wife and I love each other just as much as we did pre surgery. We've been in love with each other since we met. Are there others who have drifted apart not because of the surgery but because of jealousy or insecurities? Yes, but it doesn't have to be that way. Be caring and have open communication.

I didn't tell my "colleagues" about my surgery and only a handful of close relatives. It's none of anyones business and too bad what they think as long as Im good with it.

When asked by the psychologist why I wanted WLS I replied "I'm not doing it for beauty. I'm doing it for my health" and that's the truth.

Committing to the new lifestyle is not easy. I'm surmising that for you it was 45 years of living a totally different food lifestyle. It is going to take a lot of effort to maintain your weight loss. The short honeymoon period of less than a year goes by fast. After that it's totally on us if we maintain the weigh loss and change to a healthier food life style.

You are not afraid of being thin. You like me are afraid of the unknown. I believe that this is my last chance to be successful in losing and most important maintaining my weight loss. I only know that in the past I have been 100 percent successful in failing to keep the weight off. Why would it be different now? I didn't have the answer but I knew that I needed to get healthier. I was taking 11 pills a day for diabetes, heart problems, high BP, gout and Gerd. In a few years my liver and kidneys would have needed to be replaced due to all that medication. Today Im down to two pills.

After surgery, I realized through therapy that I am a Compulsive Over eater and without help I would only revert back to my old ways. The old ways that in the past had me regain a 50 lb weight loss and then some. The old ways that gave me all of those co moralities. The old ways that stopped me from having a healthy life. I've seeked help and I'm grateful that I've found it. Will I be a weight loss success? I don't know but I take it one day at a time and I pray that I am. Unlike the past I know that I have been given a golden ticket and I won't get another. Im trying my best not to squander the chance Ive been given.

What I'm trying to tell you is this, have faith in yourself. Get help if you think you need it and most of all take it one day at a time. If you can maintain your weight loss success for one day then the next becomes easier. If you should falter like I have done at times, then the next day helps you get back on track and allows you to build more successes . Being healthy is a great life and I'm grateful to have it and most importantly wanting to maintain it. Good luck.

It can drastically change your life by making you more healthier. Being healthy tends to make one happier.
My wife and I love each other just as much as we did pre surgery. We've been in love with each other since we met. Are there others who have drifted apart not because of the surgery but because of jealousy or insecurities? Yes, but it doesn't have to be that way. Be caring and have open communication.
I didn't tell my "colleagues" about my surgery and only a handful of close relatives. It's none of anyones business and too bad what they think as long as Im good with it.
When asked by the psychologist why I wanted WLS I replied "I'm not doing it for beauty. I'm doing it for my health" and that's the truth.
Committing to the new lifestyle is not easy. I'm surmising that for you it was 45 years of living a totally different food lifestyle. It is going to take a lot of effort to maintain your weight loss. The short honeymoon period of less than a year goes by fast. After that it's totally on us if we maintain the weigh loss and change to a healthier food life style.
You are not afraid of being thin. You like me are afraid of the unknown. I believe that this is my last chance to be successful in losing and most important maintaining my weight loss. I only know that in the past I have been 100 percent successful in failing to keep the weight off. Why would it be different now? I didn't have the answer but I knew that I needed to get healthier. I was taking 11 pills a day for diabetes, heart problems, high BP, gout and Gerd. In a few years my liver and kidneys would have needed to be replaced due to all that medication. Today Im down to two pills.
After surgery, I realized through therapy that I am a Compulsive Over eater and without help I would only revert back to my old ways. The old ways that in the past had me regain a 50 lb weight loss and then some. The old ways that gave me all of those co moralities. The old ways that stopped me from having a healthy life. I've seeked help and I'm grateful that I've found it. Will I be a weight loss success? I don't know but I take it one day at a time and I pray that I am. Unlike the past I know that I have been given a golden ticket and I won't get another. Im trying my best not to squander the chance Ive been given.
What I'm trying to tell you is this, have faith in yourself. Get help if you think you need it and most of all take it one day at a time. If you can maintain your weight loss success for one day then the next becomes easier. If you should falter like I have done at times, then the next day helps you get back on track and allows you to build more successes . Being healthy is a great life and I'm grateful to have it and most importantly wanting to maintain it. Good luck.

Thank you for this! It is refreshing and a relief to read!

Be brave and jump in!

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. And only you know if that's made you happy!

I agree with the majority of comments. I actually got a counselor when I began my journey. I didn't gain weight until I was raped as a teen. Then I gained 100 pounds. Food was my comforter. I wanted to be thinner but as it started to happen I had flashbacks of how I looked when I was raped.

Therapy is a blessing. Communicate with your husband. Ask him how he feels about the new you. I know some of the TV shows highlight men leaving, but there are men who honestly love you as a person and not your body. My boyfriend met me when I was 269. He pretty much likes me as long as I like me. Hear that again, men are most attract to you when you like the person YOU see in the mirror. Confidence is sexy. Hubba, hubba. LOL

On ‎2‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 10:46 AM, gabybab said:

These are all normal feelings. Trust me I have these and more going through my head. I'm very worried about skin hanging and a hanging chin. But, I'm marching forward tomorrow. Best of luck on yours. I bet you will be happy with your outcome!

How are your feeling so far? My surgery is tomorrow so I'm getting super nervous....

7 minutes ago, sneezergirl said:

How are your feeling so far? My surgery is tomorrow so I'm getting super nervous....

I had surgery 8 days ago and it was pretty rough, however most of the pain is gone and I've lost 28 pounds with my pre-op diet. You can tell in my face already and I'm shopping this morning for some new clothes.

So excited for you! Big changes coming!

When is your surgery? Best wishes!

4 minutes ago, gabybab said:

I had surgery 8 days ago and it was pretty rough, however most of the pain is gone and I've lost 28 pounds with my pre-op diet. You can tell in my face already and I'm shopping this morning for some new clothes.

So excited for you! Big changes coming!

When is your surgery? Best wishes!

Sorry, I see you have surgery tomorrow. It's not a picnic, but the rewards are worth it. I would just tell your nurse to give you all the pain meds..that's what has helped me most.

Best wishes tomorrow. 1 week and you will feel 90% better!

Let me know how you do. I see you are a fellow Washingtonian. ?

On 2/24/2019 at 12:21 PM, sneezergirl said:

Being in emotional pain for the better part of 45 years and now in physical pain for several years and after dozens of failed attempts to lose weight, I've decided on bariatric surgery. Surgery is scheduled for March 6, 2019. I was excited for about a minute... then the fears set in.

• How drastically will my life change when I lose the weight?
• Will my husband and I still love each other? Will our lives take such different paths that we grow apart?
• What will family and colleagues say/think?
• Am I vain for wanting to do this?

Then there is the uncertainty of success...

• Can I truly commit to this new lifestyle?
• Will this be added to list of failures?

I am committed to this decision and yet as I sit here while the family is still asleep, with tears streaming down my face, I keep asking myself "why are you afraid to be thin?"

Self reflection is a super important part of the journey so congrats for taking the time to think about the tough questions ahead of schedule.

Trust in your ability to puzzle it out or seek the help you need

We are here with/for you, cheering you on. Safe surgery tomorrow ❤

1 hour ago, gabybab said:

Sorry, I see you have surgery tomorrow. It's not a picnic, but the rewards are worth it. I would just tell your nurse to give you all the pain meds..that's what has helped me most.

Best wishes tomorrow. 1 week and you will feel 90% better!

Let me know how you do. I see you are a fellow Washingtonian. ?

Great job! 28 pounds is fantastic!!! Well done indeed.

Surgery is tomorrow morning so, I'm getting really nervous and trying to stay busy today so I don't think about it too much. I am in near Vancouver and having surgery in Portland. Can't wait for 90% better!!! lol.

Cheers to you reaching your goals!

1 hour ago, GreenTealael said:

Self reflection is a super important part of the journey so congrats for taking the time to think about the tough questions ahead of schedule.

Trust in your ability to puzzle it out or seek the help you need

We are here with/for you, cheering you on. Safe surgery tomorrow ❤

Thank you! I appreciate all of the support!!!