Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.

Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

I totally understand! I’ve just finished all my appointments and waiting on approval as well I have not told anyone other than my spouse who wishes I would not go through with surgery however supports my decision. Personally I’m just going by the day. It’s no need to tell anyone if I’m not approved right lol? When it comes down to it, it’s your personal information! If you feel like sharing great! If you don’t great! Most of all you have to do what’s best for you! After all we are all just trying to live a better healthier life. Good luck to you on your journey & many blessings!

I haven't told anyone other than my spouse. It's nobody's business and I don't need the judgment of why I couldn't have had more willpower to do it myself or the constant staring to see if I'm losing enough weight quickly enough. There are TONS of health benefits from having WLS, so don't worry about having to justify it to yourself. Take care.

You're not giving up on yourself, you're saving your life. Your life is going to change big time and that takes people in your life out of their comfort zone. Do this for yourself and those that want you to be around as long as possible. My grandfather smoked like a chimney and died early and it had a big affect on me. I wish he could've had surgery to stop and greatly reverse the effects smoking had on his body before it was too late. The conventional way to quit didn't work for him because smoking was a coping mechanism he couldn't abandon. Obesity kills just like any other unhealthy vise.

I also have a spouse who is supportive in one breath then in the next she says I just need to be accountable in my diet and exercise instead of needing surgery.

In the end, I'm just going to do it and hope for the best since there's nothing I haven't already said in discussion that's going to sway her coming from my mouth.

I'm done with 6 months of NUT and have my psych next week. She was invited to the psych eval, so I'm hoping she will have these kinds of questions for them and gets some more satisfaction that I'm doing the right thing.

It's hard if you're not the person going through it, I think. Best of luck to you.

13 hours ago, njcardi97 said:

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.

Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

Don't be ashamed of saving your life, and you don't need to tell anyone especially if you think they will have a negative impact on you. Your husband will come around, he just does not completely understand, maybe take him to one of your doctor/nutrition visits and a support group so that he can see that others are going through the same thing that you are.

Go have your surgery honey so that you can feel like a new person...I'm 5 1/2 months post op and haven't felt this great in over 20 years.

You got this!! ((Hugs))

My husband is supportive but rather than asking why I couldn’t he would say he thought I was overweight but no way obese. Sometimes I think we have to understand that our spouses struggle with the threat of what inevitably are a risk with ALL surgeries. And that’s scary for them.

My husband was similar until he went to the seminar and learned more about it. He was totally on board after that and has a little “bromance” going with my surgeon. They are Facebook friends and “chat” all the time. It’s slightly annoying to me[emoji23]


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Obesity is a disease. The AMA says it, the insurance companies say it...etc.

It is multifactoral in origin.

But once someone is sufficiently metabolically deranged as we are as morbidly obese people, the chances of "doing this on our own" are as slim as winning the lottery. The surgery is only a tool that helps break the metabolic/hormonal cycle that drives obesity. But like any tool, it will only work if applied correctly.

A hammer is a tool. But it will only drive the nail that holds up the scaffold, if you pick it up and apply action and the force of your determination. Same thing with the whole WLS stuff. You HAVE to change your behaviors with food in order to lose all the weight you want to lose. It isn't magic bean surgery. And that goes WAYYYY beyond just "mystically, magically learning how to eat small portions." There will come a day when you CAN and WILL eat again--more than you should--of things you should not be eating. Life will get messy and in the way. And there is no operation in the world that will healthfully keep you from eating your feelings unless you do the hard head work involved.

WLS is a tool to help put morbid obesity into remission. Once ANYONE is morbidly obese, you can consider yourself to have an intractable, incurable, degenerative disease. But, with the surgery, and with proper attention and care and help, you can put it into remission.

Edited February 14, 20197 yr by FluffyChix

My husband eventually came around. As a skinny man with a high metabolism he didn’t understand. 3 weeks post op he is loving the results and ahhh, ummm ‘benefits’ of a slimmer spouse.
We do this for ourselves. Love yourself and to heck with others.

Mine was really worried about it but knew what bad shape I was in and eventually recognized that something drastic needed to happen. After seeing me lose almost 80 lbs in the last 9 months and resolve all of my comorbidities (severe lower back pain, severe asthma/COPD) now that I am not carrying around the equivalent of a 10 year old on my back he tells me often how glad he is that I went through with it. Only my husband, a few family members and a few close friends knew about the surgery at the time but as the weight loss has become noticeable I am pretty open about it with people I trust. It takes courage and determination to have the surgery and work the program.

1 hour ago, MIZ60 said:

Mine was really worried about it but knew what bad shape I was in and eventually recognized that something drastic needed to happen. After seeing me lose almost 80 lbs in the last 9 months and resolve all of my comorbidities (severe lower back pain, severe asthma/COPD) now that I am not carrying around the equivalent of a 10 year old on my back he tells me often how glad he is that I went through with it. Only my husband, a few family members and a few close friends knew about the surgery at the time but as the weight loss has become noticeable I am pretty open about it with people I trust. It takes courage and determination to have the surgery and work the program.

Dang!! 80lbs in 9 months!!! That's amazing @MIZ60!!!! You should be SO dang proud of yourself girlie!!!! So great to have all your co-morbidities reverse and go into remission!!! So so happy for you!!

On 2/14/2019 at 1:56 PM, njcardi97 said:

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.

Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

Tell your husband at his job sites he need enjoy the use of be technology and tools to make his job a little easier?

Then why would you not invest in some help and a tool to make life easier in the long run?

You still have to put in the effort and everything but surgery is just like a fancy new tool to make things a little better and easier to manage.

I don't understand people who talk against surgery, what if his knee went out would you expect him to keep living with the knee or get a new one to me his life better, it's exactly the same thing surgery is new technology and makes your insides work better to fix your body inside and out