Please help me, I have terrible regret RNY

[notmyname 591]

Honestly, I had some regrets immediately after surgery (I had the sleeve). I think that's fairly normal. And I wasn't 100% sure going in to the surgery that I'd go through with it. The week before I told my surgeon I still wasn't sure. In pre-op, he asked me if I was sure, and I said "No, but I don't think I'll ever be, so I'm just going to do it." I'm two months out now, and I feel pretty good about it. I will say it helped that I have a therapist that specializes is weight issues and is familiar with surgery. She reminded me that in the immediate aftermath of the surgery, you're hormones are a bit off, so you can feel a LOT of emotions. One thing - I don't think you lied to your friends about this being a surgery about health - it absolutely is.

Some things that helped me - planning for foods at every stage that I like. I love lasagna, so I made ricotta bake for soft foods. I still eat that several times a week, and add some pureed spinach for extra flavor. I also love Beans, so I did pureed beans and cheese - really good.

I also got a meditation app for my phone. When I'm feeling a bit stressed, I listen to a 3-5 minute meditation and find it helps me. I also keep a list on my phone of why I wanted this for myself

I also find that walking - even a little - helps. Reading a good book and watching fun new TV shows on Netflix have also helped.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you the best and hope that it gets better for you like it did for me.

[FluffyChix 17,410]

I never had regret, but know many people who went through that stage. I was so ready to get healthy and to lose the weight by the time I made the decision for surgery, that there was no going back.

I honestly believe that mindset is one of the make-or-breaks for post-surgery outcomes/regrets. If you expect things to be bad and miserable, they usually will be. If you go in set on having no difficulties or no insurmountable issues, then things will go much more smoothly. That was my case. I have had very very very minor issues. Nothing insurmountable. And I'm thankful every day for the blessing this surgery has been to my life.

I feel like I have my life back! I feel like I am in control of my future, rather than being slung here and there by disease--as a victim without power.

I told VERY few people--immediate family only. They are all supportive. The others just think I've lost weight and look fantastic now. I get support from Facebook and from BP and MFP. I also get support from my family...but I try not to burden them with the narcissistic obsessiveness that is early pre and post WLS. LOL. BP gets most of that! LOL.

Regret is a phase. Look at it as there is no way through but forward now. Drink TONS of liquids. And understand that the emotional rollercoaster that happens WILL pass and things WILL get better. It has for almost 99% of the people who have this surgery. A year from now, you will be a completely different person and will be so glad you had this opportunity. Congrats on going through with it!!!

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

Please, please, please find yourself a good counselor or therapist to talk to about your regrets, worries, and fear that you won’t be able to change. I only say this, because we are not equipped or able to walk you through what sounds like an extremely difficult emotional time for you. I don’t want to see you ruin or waste anymore of your life caught up in these worries and regrets, so please seek help from a qualified professional! ❤️

[MONA H. 27]

Definitely buyers remorse....get yourself together...and please call a therapist if you can't. Best of luck.

[FaithandHope 53]

I can't say that I felt regret. What I did feel was loss, I could not go to my best friend and comforter, food for help anymore for my emotional distress. The first few weeks were the hardest. I also have only told my immediate family. Even thought gastric bypass is more common in the united States there is still a stigma, or people who are quick to judge. I have lived a clean life I rarely drink, I only tried to smoking once, but I found myself addicted to food. I had severe high blood pressure, non alcoholic fatty liver, with cirrhosis of the liver. I was to the point that if I did not do something I was going to die. Some people will look and say but you really were not that big. The problem was my organs were not able to function properly. I was killing myself.

Fast forward to today 3 months post op. I feel really good. I am totally off my high blood pressure pill/ Water pill. My blood sugar is perfect. I can do more then I have been able to do in years. I have no doubt I will live to see all of my kids get married now, because my liver enzymes are also normal. I still have about 60 pounds to go to my personal goal weight.

So what started as what you might call regret I now see as the best thing I could of done for myself and my family. Once you see results and you start to look great in clothing and people start to notice and compliment you, these are the things you will start to be addicted to. It will make you try a little harder to walk that extra mile, or lift weights just a little longer. Let the feel good affects replace the food that is killing us.

It does get better, use your tool that you chose to get to give you freedom. Think of it as a gift you have given yourself instead of self mutilation. You have chosen life, give yourself at least a couple months before deciding you made the wrong decision. Think about what you have to look forward to.

I am 100% positive you will look back and say. "Man those first few weeks were tough but look at me know I'm living I'm happy,Healthy and a Hottie"

All the best ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

[JessLess 1,163]

Your feelings are very normal. I was lucky not to have them, but lots of people do. I take a medication called Ursodiol to prevent gallstones because I also want to keep my gall bladder. I would ask your doctor about it. I think I started it a month after I was sleeved. This is not a time to make any decisions. Just work on drinking Water and what your doctor recommends and try to find a professional to help you. When you have healed more you will feel so much better!

[tbair 7]

On 12/23/2018 at 05:05, RuthD said:

I had my surgery on 20th of Dec. If I would decide to do the reversal would I be the same? Would I develop health problem, or would I be the same as prior to the RNY?

I can say the first week I was an emotional mess full of regrets. With that being said, by week 2/3 I was feeling SO much better & my mood swings calmed down. I was sleeved on 11/19, so I’m not completely cleared for all foods yet, but most I can eat & my energy is picking up & I feel like I’m back to feeling “normal” & I was able to get back to work 2 1/2 weeks later. It gets better, hang in there!! It’s frustrating when you don’t feel like yourself!

[vic91218 17]

It is not uncommon to feel regret immediately after this surgery. It’s actually more common than you think. You’re not alone. Other people have felt like you and you will make it through this. You should seek a counselor or therapist in the meantime to assist you with your thoughts and help coach you. You will be alright!!! In a few weeks you will start to feel much much better. In fact, everyday from here on out!! Just take this one day at a time.

[Andieleigh85 3]

I just had the gastric bypass on December 6, and went into surgery thinking I was mentally prepared for this. After I woke up and was in severe pain I started having regrets and felt like I had made a big mistake and wished I had the will power to lose weight on my own...it didn’t help that I had a group text of 8 other women that had surgery the same date as me talking about how great they felt the day after surgery and I couldn’t even keep fluids down and was in severe pain. I was readmitted two days after i was discharged for dehydration and after a few test my doctor revealed I would remain in the hospital because I needed to have my gallbladder removed . A week ago I felt like you and considered asking for a reversal while he was removing my gallbladder, but now a week later I’m glad i didn’t. I was just released last Saturday 12/14, after undergoing surgery twice his month and I’m slowly regaining energy, and now that I’m not in severe pain like I was even a week ago I am once again feeling more confident in the decision I made to have the surgery. I think something that I’m coming to terms with is before was living to eat and now I’m training my mind to eat to live.

[Lucyelle 16]

Think about what problems you would have had with the weight on you and maybe more.... weight the next year....you did this for your health and well being. It’s like any major decision .... buyers remorse- focus on the good and not the bad. That is what I want to do - I have been reading posts of folks saying very little pain .no problems, back to work was easy etc- I just am trying to let them stick in my head- I have a tendency to ruminate and I am not so much afraid I will have made the wrong decision ( as I feel it is the right one) but my service dog needs to go away for her final training and having her away from me will make things harder as I recover - so I am trying to condition myself to remember and focus on the folks who have had few issues to keep me in that mindset for after surgery - mine is 12/26. Focus on a pet or small animal perhaps as you recover - it has done wonders for me

[truck2522 2]

Hi, so I want to share something very personal. I know I will be judged for it but I have no other support. And because I feel like I am protected by this shield of anonymous I hope it will not haunt me but instead help me. I beg for understanding! So as some of you know I had doubts regarding the surgery RNY. I felt like with the support of members I got to the peaceful state of mind, prepared for what I should be eating and not, did quite a bit of research. I have noticed that in Europe (where I am from) there are no specific support groups and these types of surgeries are taboo to talk about, people are looked down for having them. So I haven't told anyone but my immediate family, and I also lied to two of my friends that I will have surgery for health purposes. My family was sceptic but I calmed them down buy telling how great it will be etc. Because I had to pay for the surgery most of the money was kindly given to me buy my mother. The surgeon gave me the date for the surgery in a month. So I felt like it was soon but by that time I felt I was prepared. So on the day of surgery I had doubts but as members said that was normal so I decided to follow through. As soon as I woke up I knew I have made a mistake. I feel like I have betrayed my body, myself, like it was the biggest mistake, irrational decission and that I was failed by the medical system in my country, as the leading up to the surgery is nothing as USA system. Yesterday I came to forum and read about the reversal and all of the horror stories of people getting sick even after years after surgery, fatigued and since that momment I cannot stop shaking inside, I feel paranoyed , so so so anxious, so emotional. I want to scream, I had so many nightmares in one night my heart is rushing. And the worst thing is I cannot tell anyone about how I feel as I don't want to be judged, but most importantly I don't want my family to feel like they let me do this thing to myself, like they have failed me. I know my mother feels so much guilt, as she keeps saying we could have tried harder for you to lose weight without depleating yourself. I am so afraid of becoming low energy, depleated of nutrients. I don't want my gallblader removed, I don't want kidney stones, I don't want the fatigue. I beg of you, please help me, tell me what to do! Has anyone has been in my shoes how have you got to the other side? Please don't judge me. Is the reversal possible? Would I be just like before? How iften does the complications occur? How long will I feel this way? I know I sound like the most stupid person in the universe.

Had my done just over a year ago.
I'm a male living in the US. where the surgery is done more, but yes there are also more people say its the easy way out. Just live your life as yours. Learn and embrace the life Stiles you have now.
I nowyou have many new freind and a whole new family (though these and other pages)
Yes its goig to be hard , just remember and look at picture from years ago when you where at your at heavest you will feel better and that you have made tje right choice.


Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Frustr8 7,886]

Ate things going any better for you @RuthD? As the year ends and 2019 loomed ahead I was wondering about you?

[RichMack 35]

I am hoping to see a follow up to this post. I hope now that you've had a few days under your belt, maybe you are feeling better about the surgery.

[RuthD 10]

I will be honest with you guys. I still regret my surgery and I know I will for the rest of my life. It is not to say, that I am not taking care of myself now, I do try and make every single day count for the unbelievable mistake I’ve made. So I do my best to disregard the sadness and find the will to move forward. I have spoken to the specialist, but my mother is really what keeps me sane. I did so much research and read so many articles and have actually found almost all answers to the questions I had. So, the surgery is practically irreversible , just because they can put your stomach back togeter but we will never fix our nervus vagus, which severing it is actually the cause of dumping in most cases and is the cause of paresis. So even if you would put the anatomical part back, the function will never ever be the same. There is other things I found out, which I eish I knew before. I am sad that I did not have these questions prior ti the surgery as I was looking only atvthe benefits. And I know most of you, and now most of us, because I am in the same boat, are postive people who wants to believe that taking our Vitamins and good food will provide the best outcome. If there are people doubting wether they should do it, please do you research, not just the surfice, in depth, scholar articles depth, nerves and anatomy depth. Is not to scare anyone, just for others to know what is actually at stake . I appreciate for the support and advise I’ve gotten. I can only wish you to have a wonderful upcoming year, for those who are looking to find, for those who found to keep. ❤️🥂

[Frustr8 7,886]

Well I hope you are wrong and you will grow to accept instead of regret, but I appreciate your honesty through this all. I find you. a young lady I am glad to know. Happy 2019 and may things go better in your life.