To Those That Have Made Goal: How Have Other People Changed?

[White Sale 339]

How has the way in which others interact with you changed from when you were obese?

My experience, in general, has been the following.. People, overall, are much nicer and I am no longer invisible. I've noticed that attractive (IMO) or confident women are more talkative and pleasant to me. Other women are more curt. Even some family members have changed. People, who in the past were cold to me, are suddenly laughing at my jokes and wanting to hang out.

I also seem to be losing a friend as a result of my losing weight.

This is something I wasn't fully prepared for, as far as being a result of VSG. Being an average-sized adult is something I haven't experienced until the past few months. It's just feels like bizarro-world or something. Can anyone relate?

I'm curious to hear of other people's experiences.

[macadamia 591]

2 hours ago, White Sale said:

How has the way in which others interact with you changed from when you were obese?

My experience, in general, has been the following.. People, overall, are much nicer and I am no longer invisible. I've noticed that attractive (IMO) or confident women are more talkative and pleasant to me. Other women are more curt. Even some family members have changed. People, who in the past were cold to me, are suddenly laughing at my jokes and wanting to hang out.

I also seem to be losing a friend as a result of my losing weight.

This is something I wasn't fully prepared for, as far as being a result of VSG. Being an average-sized adult is something I haven't experienced until the past few months. It's just feels like bizarro-world or something. Can anyone relate?

I'm curious to hear of other people's experiences.

Way to go on your journey so far! Very impressive and inspirational!

Those are some very interesting observations. I'm still pre-op (surgery Thursday 9/6/18) so I have not experienced anything like this. I tend to shy away from people and do not have any true friends. I'm hoping this will help my confidence around people. But even if it does not, I'm still going to be happy about being more healthy and thinner. The people I have shared with are supportive, so far. I have only told two people at work and they have been great. My supervisor is a very vain person (and in very good shape). He is very cold to me and acts like he does not like being around me. I have always chalked it up to his personality being lacking, but it is probably my weight that triggers him. I'm going to laugh at him if he starts trying to be friends with me after I meet my goal. Luckily, I work in a completely different site than he does, so I do not have to deal with him face to face except for a couple of times a month.

[BigViffer 3,544]

Another variable to consider; how has your personality changed when dealing with other people? Maybe the people that are more willing to interact with you now are the very ones you shied away from before. Maybe the people who are short with you or reticent to engage in conversation no longer see you as weak or vulnerable to their manipulations?

All relationships will change as a result of success. If you have a strong and healthy relationship with someone, more often than not, that relationship will get stronger. If a relationship is completely one-sided and only beneficial to one, that relationship will more than likely dissolve.

Confidence is kinda like MSG, it intensifies the existing flavor of relationships.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

10 hours ago, White Sale said:

How has the way in which others interact with you changed from when you were obese?

My experience, in general, has been the following.. People, overall, are much nicer and I am no longer invisible. I've noticed that attractive (IMO) or confident women are more talkative and pleasant to me. Other women are more curt. Even some family members have changed. People, who in the past were cold to me, are suddenly laughing at my jokes and wanting to hang out.

I also seem to be losing a friend as a result of my losing weight.

This is something I wasn't fully prepared for, as far as being a result of VSG. Being an average-sized adult is something I haven't experienced until the past few months. It's just feels like bizarro-world or something. Can anyone relate?

I'm curious to hear of other people's experiences.

Unfortunately and fortunately I can relate to 99% of what you wrote. I have seen vast changes in relationships. We can make generalizations about the "why" all day long. Is it them? Is it us? Are we different now, which causes people to treat us differently? I was initially offended by people in the beginning, but now, I have reflected enough to know that it is me. I am different. And I like me.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

Great topic! Following . . .

And congrats on your success!

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

1 hour ago, BigViffer said:

Another variable to consider; how has your personality changed when dealing with other people? Maybe the people that are more willing to interact with you now are the very ones you shied away from before. Maybe the people who are short with you or reticent to engage in conversation no longer see you as weak or vulnerable to their manipulations?

All relationships will change as a result of success. If you have a strong and healthy relationship with someone, more often than not, that relationship will get stronger. If a relationship is completely one-sided and only beneficial to one, that relationship will more than likely dissolve.

Confidence is kinda like MSG, it intensifies the existing flavor of relationships.

Brilliant! You're a Bariatric philosopher!

[Matt Z 4,140]

10 hours ago, White Sale said:

How has the way in which others interact with you changed from when you were obese?

My experience, in general, has been the following.. People, overall, are much nicer and I am no longer invisible. I've noticed that attractive (IMO) or confident women are more talkative and pleasant to me. Other women are more curt. Even some family members have changed. People, who in the past were cold to me, are suddenly laughing at my jokes and wanting to hang out.

I also seem to be losing a friend as a result of my losing weight.

This is something I wasn't fully prepared for, as far as being a result of VSG. Being an average-sized adult is something I haven't experienced until the past few months. It's just feels like bizarro-world or something. Can anyone relate?

I'm curious to hear of other people's experiences.

I've noticed the same exact thing! To the point where I'm not sure if it's them, me, or a combination of both. I mean, I feel better, wearing things that fit better, carrying myself better, so I know I'm putting off a different vibe. I have noticed that people that would typically ignore me in the halls, don't anymore. I've gotten some shy laugh/giggles with the brushing the hair away from the ear from a few ladies in passing which I was surprised to see happen. All of our friends are amazed, the feeling from them is different as well. And not being the fatest of the group has changed the dynamic as well. For the positive for the most part. I think someone at work hates me more now because I'm way thinner than I was...

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

12 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

I think someone at work hates me more now because I'm way thinner than I was...

Their loss

[Matt Z 4,140]

8 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

Their loss

To be fair, this person hasn't liked me since the second I walked into this office almost 4 years ago.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

So, my girlfriends and I went out two weekends ago. It was spur of the moment and I didn't get all dolled up or put a lot of effort into looking good for the occasion. Needless to say, a little bit of liquid courage had me acting like the movie "I feel pretty". Literally, I talked to anyone who made eye contact with me or came within talking distance. I complimented people randomly and laughed with strangers. This is not something I would have done pre-weight loss. The next day, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. My friends made comments that they've never seen me like that. That my energy was infectious. That the men were attracted to this confidence (even though I'm very happily married).

This is why I said earlier, that I have changed. Alcohol may have played a contributing factor into it, but I know that I wouldn't have acted this way prior to surgery.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

5 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

To be fair, this person hasn't liked me since the second I walked into this office almost 4 years ago.

At least he's consistent

[Matt Z 4,140]

2 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

At least he's consistent

*she* but agreed none-the-less.

[White Sale 339]

On 9/5/2018 at 9:03 AM, BigViffer said:

Another variable to consider; how has your personality changed when dealing with other people? Maybe the people that are more willing to interact with you now are the very ones you shied away from before. Maybe the people who are short with you or reticent to engage in conversation no longer see you as weak or vulnerable to their manipulations?

All relationships will change as a result of success. If you have a strong and healthy relationship with someone, more often than not, that relationship will get stronger. If a relationship is completely one-sided and only beneficial to one, that relationship will more than likely dissolve.

Confidence is kinda like MSG, it intensifies the existing flavor of relationships.

I have considered changes in my own behavior. I hold my head up higher and meet people's eyes now, but it has only been a few months of increased confidence versus decades of low self-esteem.

Perhaps it's just that I didn't realize how differently some healthy weight people choose to treat the obese. Now that I'm on the other side, and having arrived here so rapidly, I can really observe the contrast.

As far as my friend, I think, perhaps, that she sees my success and it amplifies her perceived failure. I care for her a great deal and I hope that our friendship endures.

The behavior of some men toward me is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin. I never learned the art of flirting and I am unable to recognize it should it happen to me. Whomp-whomp.

Anyone know of a decent flirting-for-social-misfits class? Haha

IDK, the whole experience has been interesting, to say the least.

[Lyngolean 81]

This is a fascinating topic to me. I have a friend who seems to be distancing herself from me since surgery. She won't talk about what's bothering her, but I can only imagine my WLS is an issue as it is one of the things we used to commiserate about regularly. I have another friend who was unsupportive of WLS who hasnt asked a thing about it nor seen me since surgery. Not much of a friend apparently, so better off knowing that now. I think it's interesting when people won't acknowledge the huge amount of weight I've lost in the past 5 months. It is freaking obvious, but I suspect some people just don't know how to broach the subject and/or are fearful of saying something to hurt my feelings or make things awkward, so they just don't. I have a sister who lost a good amount of weight in her 30's who said she had unwelcome attention from men when she became thinner. She was no longer invisible. Glad I'm not the only one.