VSG candidate, boyfriend NOT onboard!

[Matt Z 4,140]

On 5/5/2018 at 6:02 PM, Futuresleevie18 said:

My boyfriend thinks that I'm taking the easy way out

Have you sat down with him and tried to get to the real bottom of the story? Is he scared he's going to lose you in surgery? Or is he scared he's going to lose you when you lose the weight and look and feel better?

Ask him why he drives a car, when he could walk. Driving is taking the easy way out. Does he use power tools and not hand tools? Using powered tools is the easy way out.

Surgery isn't the easy way out. It's a tool, just like that car, just like those power tools.
Sounds like he's got some feelings / emotions that he's dealing with that he doesn't know how to express to you. He should want you to be healthier so you can live together longer. Hell, even just the fact that this is something you want to do, and it will make you happy, he should be happy and supportive.

My wife was very nervous when I went for my Band to Bypass revision. And rightfully so. But she told me that she'd support me no matter what her opinions were of my choice. I asked her flat out if she wanted me not to get it done, and she told me she wouldn't give me an answer, because it was my choice and I needed to what was right for me. And I got revised because it was what was right for my family. I turn 40 this year, I've got 2 kids, This is my 20th wedding anniversary year. I decided that I didn't want to be the fat, slow, burden, and I certainly didn't want to die before I got a chance to see my boys have kids of their own and grow up and become adults. I hope you two can drop the walls and get to the root cause of his concerns.

Good luck!

Edited May 22, 2018 by Matt Z

[Apple203 1,314]

My story is very similar to Matt's -- my husband was reluctantly supportive. Just this week, on vaca and seeing a food number of overweight and uncomfortable people, he actually thanked me for having the guts to get the surgery. He gets niw that this surgery was for my health. It was very sweet and reaffirming, especially because I am only half way to my goal.

Sent from my SM-G935V using BariatricPal mobile app

[ShimmyShade 93]

Bring him to a seminar or something so he can understand what the surgery is instead of what he assumes it is. Other than that I would suggest losing a ton of weight now by dumping his ass.

[Danny Paul 761]

If your allow your boyfriend to pressure you into not getting this surgery then you will find you will not have a happy life with him. As sure as the sun rises and sets he will always pressure you to get what he wants. You will always then succumb to the pressure. That's not a healthy relationship. It seems you've postponed or put off the surgery many times. Could it be you didn't want a confrontation with your boyfriend and you used other excuses?

You need to ask yourself one question and one question only. If the answer to the question is yes then you must do whatever you can to get the surgery. Will the surgery make me healthier? Simple question. If allowed to pressure you once he will continue to do so with other things. If he's looking to leave do yourself a favor and open the door and take the keys. Your good health, mental and physical depends on it.

[jpginny 7]

My sister does not want me to have the surgery. But I have dieted for so long and cut out so much stuff from my diet and being more physically active and I have not had any success. Stress keeps it up. I just do not want to live like this anymore and I have to live with me for the rest of my life and I want this for me and my son so I can me more active with him and be a better example for him. I wish she would do it with me it would help her back but she doesn’t see this positively and nothing I can do will change her mind but she still loves me and is here for me. My husband is stoked though! He said he loves me either way. H just wants me to be healthy

[baribetty 166]

Did you end up having the surgery? How are you doing??

[Frustr8 7,886]

Found something among my journals to share with you.
It is better to have loved and lost-
Than to be chained to a chump for good!
❤ and hugs for the future!

[Dr-Patient 831]

Original Poster...did you have the surgery? And, just curious: what was your start weight pre-op? Did you have the VSG or other procedure? If you had the surgery, how are you doing...with him, and mainly, with yourself...? Good luck. Do what you must do for YOU and your health. Wishing you well.

[baribetty 166]

On 05/05/2018 at 15:02, Futuresleevie18 said:

Hi all, I just found this website while searching for information on how to cope, when your significant other doesn't approve of your decision. Well, I am very pleased to have found this site.

I've been struggling with my weight all of my life and I've had little successes, but somehow the weight lost, always came back 10-fold and I have had it! My primary physician gave me an initial referral about a year ago, but I didn't use it due to the fact that I wasn't completely sure that it was the best thing for me. My boyfriend also expressed his dislike towards the idea, so I went ahead with life until late last year, when I thought long and hard about putting my obesity in my past. I got another referral around December and I went in for a seminar in January, where I was given my first consultation appointment for two weeks later. I kept my appointment and when I got the chance to meet with the surgeons, I expressed to them that I would like to have my surgery done as soon as possible. I was given an initial surgery date of March 12th, however it got pushed back to April, which was fine and then it got pushed back even further in April for the 16th. Anyway, I kept all of my appointments and was very prepared for my surgery on April 16th, but when the day came, my anxiety rose and all I thought was, "God, I don't want to die," so I did not go. I called, left messages, but was later told that it's ok to not show up, but I should still get in touch with my coordinator, which I ultimately did. I asked to have my surgery at a later date because I wanted to push myself to see if this was really the best option for me. They were very gracious to give me another date in July as I had requested. I was set for July 10th and so I went back to eating regular healthy meals and working out even more. I worked out 5-7 days a week and ate clean. I love weightlifting, so I made it a priority while eating more Proteins, vegetables, Water and Protein Shakes and eliminating dairy, sugar, fried foods, etc. I was incredibly motivated to the point where I snacked on broccoli and humus, even cutting out fruits to stay away from sugars. Then I saw the scale going up and things went awry. During my pre-op liquid phase for my initial surgery date I lost 10lbs and from these pounds lost, I saw a two-pound increase within two weeks. I tried not to stress about it, but it was inevitable this past week when I saw an extra 3lbs on the scale. Unfortunately, I'm on my period and it's definitely the reason why I gained the extra 3lbs, so in the middle of my freakout I decided to go ahead and have the surgery no matter what. I emailed my coordinator and the next day the doctor called me to find out how soon I wanted it done and I told him this month. He then gave me a new surgery date, May 14th. I was happy, but still with concerns because I've never been ill and I have a fear of illness. Living alone doesn't help my fear either. Anyway, I told my boyfriend and things are not the same between us.

My boyfriend thinks that I'm taking the easy way out, that I have zero control, that I am being inconsiderate of him, that I will become ill and regretful and he's also expressed that he wants out of the relationship because he doesn't want someone who's lazy and wants a leg up. I tried explaining to him that it has nothing to do with getting a "leg up" or taking the easy way out, but simply for the peace of mind knowing that I'd add several more years to my life. I understand his concerns and how he's feeling, but his thoughts are so extreme that it's stressing out the both of us. I love him so much and would do almost anything for him, but I respected his views on surgery and refrained from it for many years with the hopes of losing the weight naturally, but instead I gained more weight, so right now it's difficult for me to continue respecting his feelings. I want to lose weight! I want to feel good about myself, more than I already do and I feel like this is my best option, but I am also afraid to lose him. I am stuck between a rock and a wall and I don't know how to get out. Help! How can I make him see that this is what's best for me? How do I choose between my love and my well-being? What would you do in this situation? I'd appreciate any advice you may have and thank you in advance!

Hi! Are you still around? We are thinking of you and hope everything has worked out for you <3 update us if you can! No judgement here.

[Gundy 139]

What a demeaning asshat! My unsolicited advice is to have the surgery and lose a great deal of weight and this man.