Good Morning!

I am hoping I could get some advice from this group. My surgery is scheduled for May 14th. I am 30 years old, and have a BMI of 43.6. I have no co-morbidities. I have had one previous abdominal surgery (gall bladder) and the recovery from that was very easy for me. I was back at work 2 days after surgery.

Now, the reason I am telling you this is because my husband had a heart attack last week and is in the hospital waiting for a bypass. Heart Disease runs strong in his family. His surgery is scheduled for Monday, April 30th. The recovery for it is pretty freaking intense. As a result, I am considering pushing my surgery back a few weeks. My husband and family are adamantly against it. My mom works part time as a school bus driver, and my sister is on Maternity Leave, so they said they will take care of the kids (8 and soon to be 5) and us for the first week after my surgery.

My main concern is this: My husband can't drive for at least the first 6 weeks to allow the sternum to heal. I won't be able to drive right after surgery (according to my paperwork at least). Does anyone know how long that is for? How soon were you driving? I just feel that with him only being 2 weeks post op, it seems insane to go in for another surgery!

My concern with pushing the surgery back is work and insurance. For work, I've already got the leave approved, the STD in place, and have started to train my coverage while I am out. I took 3 weeks off post-surgery since I have a 1.5 - 2 hour commute each way and my thought was seatbelt + incisions = not fun. For insurance, my insurance came out with that pesky 6-month clause right at the end of my time that said any approvals submitted after 4/13 for approval needed to include 6 months of supervised weightloss. The original approval is good for within 30 days of the originally specified surgery date (They originally approved for April 16-20, and my surgery is May 14 so if falls within that 30 days). So I am afraid that if I request to push it out to say June, they may decline and make me continue with the 6 month and not have my surgery until August/September, which is the start to my busiest months at work (Not to mention the 2,000 person 4 day conference I am hosting the first week of September, AND the first week of October).

In truth, I probably won't be able to make a decision about this until my husband is post-op and I can see how he is healing. Due to his age and general health, they consider it to be an extremely easy recovery but one can never tell. However, I would welcome your thoughts especially as it pertains to recovery from VSG while caring for another post-op person or if you had more insight into the recovery of bypass (Doctors can tell us what they expect, but I find people who live through it usually have more insight into the actual day to day).

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give.

Kind regards,

Kay

P.S. One last tidbit I forgot to mention, I have no issues with making dinners and such for my family while post-op. I don't have uncontrollable food cravings, nor do I have binging issues with food so am not concerned with feeling stress about being surrounded by food I cannot eat.

Edited April 29, 20188 yr by Kay07

Thank you all for your thoughts. Also@kim, I appreciate your realistic view. Please don’t think I value your opinion any less because you advise to wait (thank you to the other posters who felt similar for sharing your honest thought). We spoke with my husband’s surgeon today and they said that my husband should “feel” back to normal in about 2 weeks minus some minor aches. His sternum will be sore and achy, but as long as there are no complications they believe he will have an easier recovery with no rehab needed. That being said... it’s open heart surgery! My husband is adamant that I not push back as my family is able to help (they both live less than 10 mins from us).

I think I am going to speak to my surgeon at the end of this week and determine based on my husband’s progress what she thinks.

He goes in tomorrow at 6am, here’s to hoping is goes smoothly!

Saying prayers!! ((hugs))

1 hour ago, Kay07 said:

Thank you all for your thoughts. Also@kim, I appreciate your realistic view. Please don’t think I value your opinion any less because you advise to wait (thank you to the other posters who felt similar for sharing your honest thought). We spoke with my husband’s surgeon today and they said that my husband should “feel” back to normal in about 2 weeks minus some minor aches. His sternum will be sore and achy, but as long as there are no complications they believe he will have an easier recovery with no rehab needed. That being said... it’s open heart surgery! My husband is adamant that I not push back as my family is able to help (they both live less than 10 mins from us).

I think I am going to speak to my surgeon at the end of this week and determine based on my husband’s progress what she thinks.

He goes in tomorrow at 6am, here’s to hoping is goes smoothly!

Certainly I hope everything goes smoothly for you, your husband, and your family. My point of view is only based on my experience based upon my fathers surgery and my experience dealing with patients in a hospital environment and is in no way meant to discourage you.

I will be thinking of you and your husband tomorrow and praying things go smoothly. Do keep us posted and let us know how everything goes. It can be a stressful time, and the impact may not hit you until you see him post op in the CVICU.

I am glad you have lots of family near and close to help support you both at this time.

Prayers that your husband's surgery goes smoothly and for his speedy recovery!

Best of luck with everything, I hope your husband is doing OK and his surgery today goes perfectly.

How long does your surgeon estimate your hospital stay for? I was in for 2 days, but could have left after one (I chose to stay just to get some more rest before heading home. I think with 2 weeks til surgery, it might give your husband enough time to recover and you the time to take care of him in the meanwhile as you prepare for everything. I assume you have somebody who can help him out while you are in the hospital?

There are definitely a ton of pros and cons, as you've obviously been waiting a long time for this, and the delay may cause an even more significant delay because of the stupid insurance guidelines. Seems like a really tough call, and I honestly don't think anybody else's advice will do much for you, as ultimately it comes down to an extremely personal decision for you and your family. I agree that it will definitely be best to wait until after your husbands surgery is complete and see how he's doing.

Again, I wish you both all the best and look forward to reading about not only your decision and resulting journey, but his recovery as well.

@Kay07, if we are still talleying up votes,Hubs Yes, Kay07 Yes, use all the helpers you can and trust that you'll both come through this strong, healthy and 1000% better! Sending love❤hugs and prayers?to Heaven on your behalf! ,,,,,Frust8

Hi everyone,

Once again, please accept my heartfelt thanks for your well wishes and responses. I will wait until the end of this week to make a decision on whether or not to pursue my own surgery. I agree that my husband's care certainly trumps my surgery at this point, but at the same time do not want to cause undue hardship on my employer after having paid for the coverage.

In regards to support, I have multiple family members that are close by to offer assistance, but for me the deciding factor will ultimately be my husband's comfort level on having my family step in and assist. I purchased multiple products on amazon (this morning as I am still hanging in the waiting room) to make bathing and sleeping easier on my husband. Despite this, I want to make sure that my husband is fully comfortable with the assistance before I confirm my surgery.

On the most important note, my husband made it through surgery and is now recuperating in the ICU. I was able to see him for a minute, but they were trying to regulate his pain so I couldn't stay. I am still hanging out in the waiting room. Surgeon said he did great! We also learned that she is the Chief of Cardiac Surgery, so that made me feel pretty good

Again, thank you kindly for your words of encouragement and support.

Kind regards,

Kay

3 minutes ago, Kay07 said:

Hi everyone,

Once again, please accept my heartfelt thanks for your well wishes and responses. I will wait until the end of this week to make a decision on whether or not to pursue my own surgery. I agree that my husband's care certainly trumps my surgery at this point, but at the same time do not want to cause undue hardship on my employer after having paid for the coverage.

In regards to support, I have multiple family members that are close by to offer assistance, but for me the deciding factor will ultimately be my husband's comfort level on having my family step in and assist. I purchased multiple products on Amazon (this morning as I am still hanging in the waiting room) to make bathing and sleeping easier on my husband. Despite this, I want to make sure that my husband is fully comfortable with the assistance before I confirm my surgery.

On the most important note, my husband made it through surgery and is now recuperating in the ICU. I was able to see him for a minute, but they were trying to regulate his pain so I couldn't stay. I am still hanging out in the waiting room. Surgeon said he did great! We also learned that she is the Chief of Cardiac Surgery, so that made me feel pretty good

Again, thank you kindly for your words of encouragement and support.

Kind regards,

Kay

I'm glad to hear everything went well.... Best of luck going forward.

4 hours ago, Czuck1983 said:

How long does your surgeon estimate your hospital stay for? I was in for 2 days, but could have left after one (I chose to stay just to get some more rest before heading home.

They anticipate 1 night. In Monday morning, discharged Tuesday afternoon. I get tested in the morning to confirm there is no leak, then they have me try a few different liquids to make sure I can consume them, then send me on my way.

54 minutes ago, Kay07 said:

On the most important note, my husband made it through surgery and is now recuperating in the ICU. I was able to see him for a minute, but they were trying to regulate his pain so I couldn't stay. I am still hanging out in the waiting room. Surgeon said he did great! We also learned that she is the Chief of Cardiac Surgery, so that made me feel pretty good

That is wonderful! Thanks for letting us know. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

I can't say I read every reply in detail, so I'm sorry if this duplicates anything already said, but I do have a couple things that popped into my head. If you think there's any risk at all that you shouldn't drive after surgery, take a cab or an Uber/Lyft if you absolutely have to go somewhere or take your husband to see his doctor.

It's good that you ordered all sorts of things in advance to have on hand, but remember if you need anything else like food or medications, many supermarkets deliver and if you have Amazon Prime you can often get same day or next day delivery on commonly used items.

I'm going to be in a similar situation as you since my wife is having her knee replacement this Friday and I'm expecting to have my sleeve done about four weeks later when she should be at least semi-mobile. I doubt I'd feel safe driving for at least four days after my sleeve, as that's how long it took the last time I had major surgery. Both our kids, 21 and 18, will be home taking care of us but neither of them can drive, so we'll definitely be relying on Uber, Amazon and supermarket deliveries.

Saying prayers for you. I'm glad your husband's surgery went well. I have put off my surgery 4 times due to my husband's health. In the mean time, my health declined. Please take care of yourself, especially if you have family support. This way you can both get healthy together.

Speaking from experience, my husband had quadruple bypass last year and it was very intense taking care of him and my 2 boys 5 and 6 at the time. I had my sleeve 4-3 and this past weekend I did too much and I'm having major pains in my right side. I see my Dr tomorrow, but he says I just overdone things. Mentally I struggle so much. I'm irritable and fighting with learning how to live without depending on food. Taking care of my husband last year was exhausting and it itself put strain on us. Me personally, if I had to choose, I would put it off a bit too make sure your husband is more independent and moving around better. He'll need you after his surgery and vice versa. That's just from my experience. If you need to talk message me, I'm here for you.

My husband had just turned 40 2 months prior to his. I was his home health nurse because he wasn't able to get nurses and he had great insurance.

Hi everyone,
Once again, please accept my heartfelt thanks for your well wishes and responses. I will wait until the end of this week to make a decision on whether or not to pursue my own surgery. I agree that my husband's care certainly trumps my surgery at this point, but at the same time do not want to cause undue hardship on my employer after having paid for the coverage.
In regards to support, I have multiple family members that are close by to offer assistance, but for me the deciding factor will ultimately be my husband's comfort level on having my family step in and assist. I purchased multiple products on amazon (this morning as I am still hanging in the waiting room) to make bathing and sleeping easier on my husband. Despite this, I want to make sure that my husband is fully comfortable with the assistance before I confirm my surgery.
On the most important note, my husband made it through surgery and is now recuperating in the ICU. I was able to see him for a minute, but they were trying to regulate his pain so I couldn't stay. I am still hanging out in the waiting room. Surgeon said he did great! We also learned that she is the Chief of Cardiac Surgery, so that made me feel pretty good [emoji4]
Again, thank you kindly for your words of encouragement and support.
Kind regards,
Kay

Awesome news wish both of you well