My man says that having the VSG surgery is cheating with weight loss. I am down 60 pounds since 10/11/17. He does not understand that VSG is only a tool. I get so frustrated trying to defend my reasoning for the surgery. How is everyone else handling this?

Congrats on your progress!!! Stop bringing up your weight loss with him, if he hasn't understood the struggle at this point he may never get it. Don't look to him for validation on your progress, look to yourself (and the forum we will cheer you on). He could be nervous or afraid about all the changes that you will/are going through, not saying he isn't still a tool for saying what he said, but insecurity can make people into idiots.

And here I was hoping for a juicy infidelity thread...

LOL

Missy...you need a new man. Or you need to firmly educate the one you have. That kinda talk diminishes your extremely hard work...and it's demoralizing. Let him know it's inappropriate and he's sabotaging you.

I don't even know where to start with this. . . . .

Are you cheating about your appearance when you wear makeup? Lying about you height when you wear heels? Fooling the world with a push-up bra? ?

This isn't about looks anyway, it is about health. Studies have shown that people can lose weight, but almost NO ONE maintains weight loss long term. It has to do with the way our metabolism resets after weight loss and our bodies neurohormonal responses to weight loss. The science is behind your decision. It is the best way to maintain long term weight loss.

Your boyfriend should encouraging you to be healthy no matter how you do it. Maybe he is feeling insecure.

1 hour ago, Missytee said:

My man says that having the VSG surgery is cheating with weight loss. I am down 60 pounds since 10/11/17. He does not understand that VSG is only a tool. I get so frustrated trying to defend my reasoning for the surgery. How is everyone else handling this?

Smile and say "of course you are right" You don't need his approval or permission to live an amazing healthy life. Stop explaining.

60 pounds down. Fantastic work!

The meme is a joke. No need to shoot him. *laughing*

viagra is men cheating erections. Take a pill, get it up and no work needed.

Is this your boyfriend or husband? My answer varies depending on the level of commitment.

2 hours ago, Missytee said:

My man says that having the VSG surgery is cheating with weight loss. I am down 60 pounds since 10/11/17. He does not understand that VSG is only a tool. I get so frustrated trying to defend my reasoning for the surgery. How is everyone else handling this?

I think I would probably not discuss weight loss with him. I would also recommend stopping defending yourself because he isn't getting it. I cannot understand some people. I actually like to cheer people on. It makes me feel better. Maybe it's time to trade your man in for a newer model.

I don't think it's cheating... but lets just assume it is for a moment. if it's cheating then congrats! You found a shortcut to get healthier, feel better and be happy. If VSG is cheating to get there then awesome and good for you! If you had a magic button that did the same thing that might really be "cheating".. and you would press it, so would he and anyone else.

He's not being supporting and that's a whole other issue, but you might make the point that cheating or not is totally irrelevant and you're making big important changes for your health and happiness and you'll do whatever is necessary to get that done. You might ask if Chemo is cheating for cancer patients, or if surgery is cheating for other ailments?

Congrats on making an important and positive life choice for yourself. If he can't get behind you and support you in your journey find others who will.

Youre eating less and losing weight. Doesnt sound like a cheat to me.

No time for explanations!! Find you a new man that you don’t have to explain yourself to! There are millions of fish in the sea. ??‍♂️

There's no need for a new man. Like any addiction, there's so many people out there that just don't get it. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict ( 7 years this May). My mother in law just don't get it. Instead of making myself mad talking to her about addictions, I realize people are entitled to their opinion. Everyone else's feelings for me are none of my business. If I talk about recovery to those in AA, I am maintaining my own serenity. It's not up to anyone to provide me peace, but me. You have a slew of support right here. Just tell him that's his feeling and he had a ridge to his feeling. Then come on here and brag about that amazing weight loss.

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5 hours ago, jenn1 said:

viagra is men cheating erections. Take a pill, get it up and no work needed.

This comment made me smile. And laugh. Lots of laughter...

6 hours ago, johnsons13 said:

My mother in law just don't get it. Instead of making myself mad talking to her about addictions, I realize people are entitled to their opinion. Everyone else's feelings for me are none of my business.

I really do agree with what you're saying here....but your partner is a little bit different of a relationship than your mother in law, no?

I dunno...I couldn't look the other way on my spouse treating me like this. My mom in law...sure. Hubby? Nope.

But to each their own. Takes all kinds to make a world:)

I really do agree with what you're saying here....but your partner is a little bit different of a relationship than your mother in law, no?
I dunno...I couldn't look the other way on my spouse treating me like this. My mom in law...sure. Hubby? Nope.
But to each their own. Takes all kinds to make a world:)

Regardless who it is, some people just don't understand addiction of any kind. They don't understand why something is so hard.

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Is this your boyfriend or husband? My answer varies depending on the level of commitment.

It’s my boyfriend

Yeah, so. As @Sosewsue61 said and @Creekimp13 said, don't go to the dry well. Don't go to him for support. Don't ask him if those jeans make your ass look big.

Here's the translation for him: Dude, I don't wanna hear it. Bottom line? I'm sexy and hot and you get the benefit of my new hot bod with all kinds of crazy great sex. If you don't like it, you can be replaced in 10 minutes.

In this case, the destination is all that is important as far as he's concerned--the how and why of the journey is irrelevant and he does not possess the "need to know" security clearance.

Easy my left fanny. His opinion of your actions should NOT determine your reality.

Edited March 23, 20188 yr by FluffyChix