Today I am beaten

[Mattymatt 491]

I just got some bad news that will require me to put surgery on hold. Being a typical guy, I don't complain about the things that I probably should. Well, I had a routine follow-up with my sleep doctor and he referred me to a cardiologist. I told him that I was feeling short of breath lying down and sitting upright sometimes. I always just chalked it up to being overweight. Today, I had an echocardiogram and the result has made me feel hopeless. There is a problem with the mitral valve in my heart. This will need to be corrected before I can undergo bariatric surgery. For now, my cardiologist increased my blood pressure medicine to ease some of the stress on the vascular blood vessels. The next discussion is surgery to repair the valve. Given that I have not had a heart attack, the recovery period will be somewhat shorter but still will be a while. I feel really sad .... for every step forward, it seems that there are two steps backward. Anyhow, thank you for listening.

[covarrubia911 69]

Don't be discouraged.The doctors want this stablized.so that you won' have any problem during your surgery.Just a slight delay..

[Wanda A 73]

Matt,

I am so sorry to hear this. In 2013 at the age of 47 I had 2 cardio vascular events, the 1st resulted in 2 stents inserted in my right main artery. 5 months later I started feeling the same shortness of breath, pain that started in my chest, then radiated into my jaw. I went to emergency, where after another angio-gram, I was told my left main artery was 80% blocked. They called this the 'widow maker'. I was devastated. How could this happen after only 5 months, I was so young. They did another angioplasty, and inserted 2 more stents in the left main. I was off work for a total of 9 months, did extensive cardio-rehab, and today I am 3 days post -op from RNY bypass. One of the 1st things I asked, in recovery was "did I have a heart attack?"

I understand your disappointment, but your Dr is right. Let's make your heart stronger, so you can have the best results once you do have your surgery. This is not a step back, it is just an unexpected Detour towards a new future. Wishing you nothing but the best.

[kjnelson 51]

Oh Matt, sorry to hear this. All is not lost though. You are on a journey to get healthy, this is just another step in your journey. I have dealt with setbacks myself. In 2013 I thought all my health problems were because of my weight so I set about fixing myself. First was to address my sleep apnea, then I started a clinical weight loss program. 1 month into this program I was told I had a terminal cancer. Guess it wasn’t just my weight making me feel bad. Any weight loss plans or surgery were put on hold. A year of chemo and 1 stem cell transplant later I was still alive and heavier than ever due to the steroids. Finally, I got to have my weight loss surgery in October. I understand being disappointed. Remember, it’s just another step in your journey to be healthy.

[insul817 49]

Oh Matt, so sorry. I'm sure you are so disappointed ! Listen, God's timing is perfect, I have found this to be true my whole life. Keep the faith, and remember, you are on a journey to a lean, strong, healthy and happy life. the finish line will be so sweet when you get there! Happy Holiday's. Keep us posted on your heart issues. :-)

[Berry78 4,261]

I'll echo what others said. This is a journey to health on which you have embarked, but the journey doesn't start the day of bariatric surgery. The journey begins the day you DECIDE to take charge and DO something about your health. The surgery its self is but a minor hurdle that happens at some point during the journey (for some it's right at the beginning, for others it's 5 or 10 year .. or more.. after the beginning).

Fingers crossed that your mitral valve will start behaving itself soon.

[Mattymatt 491]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am facing my own mortality and it's both sad and scary at the same time. These were things that I never thought about in my 20s and 30s. I let my health go and living with the aftermath of my decisions simply makes me sad beyond all reason. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself that when I lost weight the first time to get the help treating depression so food would not become self-love.

I was shamed and bullied all of my life for being overweight. It is a continuous and vicious cycle. I am not one for prayer at all but I have to maintain some kind of hope that things could at least get better. But I am struggling to muster hope.

[Berry78 4,261]

What is the name of the problem? (I've heard of Mitral valve prolapse, but am not sure what else can go wrong).

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Wow, what uplifting and encouraging responses to your disappointing news, Matt! ((huge hugs)) Hats off to each of you and so glad you're here to lift us all up by sharing your journeys!

Matt, you're gonna get through this. It may not feel like it now. In fact, I'd wager it feels like major suckage (which it is)! And it's SO scary to face our own mortality! The younger we are when we have to face it, the harder! As a 30 or 40 year old, none of us expect the Spanish Inquisition! LOL. We're not supposed to be close to dieing at that age! And it's tough feeling the shame that we impose on ourselves about what we have or haven't done to contribute to our disease. We can't change the past and I've found that self-flagellation never works. No matter how long or hard the beatings, morale NEVER improves!

This is a set back. But the story hasn't been fully written. And if you "use your force for good, Luke," you can channel this to your advantage and to get "fixed up" and back on track. It's a short scenic tour. And the good news is that you now have an empirical and fixable reason why you've been feeling poorly! And there is absolutely no reason you can't continue with your focus on weight loss as you're getting your valve repair. You should ask if they can do this laparoscopically--I think they can if I remember correctly, which means quick recovery!

Not to be preachy, but all you have to do is invite God in and he will do most of the heavy lifting. Throughout my life, he's always represented hope and strength. I highly recommend him! God's timing truly is perfect.

[Subaru 66]

Matt,

I don't have any new words of wisdom beyond what others have said. I'm sorry you're having to focus on a different health area before your bariatric surgery. I do agree that perhaps once you get past the initial disappointment you might be able to see this as an extension of the same journey, toward the same goal of your health. I know that doesn't help right now, but don't forget why you started this and don't lose heart! You've come so far already, you'll do great!

[Bboopchell 15]

• It will work out in the long run!!