My Journey starting September 2017

[Megan292 14]

I am Megan in the UK, in the final stages of being approved for gastric sleeve surgery. I hope to have surgery before Christmas.

I am getting quite anxious, not about the surgery itself, but whether I can handle only being able to have small meals. I have always been a binge eater, and when I have lost weight it has usually been by filling up on large quantities of vegetables. If I restrict quantities I tend to binge. I've lost 7 pounds in the assessment stage but it has gone up and down. Sugar gives me a boost and I use it almost like a drug. I haven't talked to the doctors about this very much because I'm afraid of being turned away.

I'm relying on the surgery stopping me wanting to eat large amounts. I am worried I may be expecting too much of it ... but I have tried every other way to lose weight. I have health conditions that would be improved by lower weight. I think this surgery is my best (only?) hope and the doctors seem to agree.

So I have come here to try to avoid anxiety-related binges in the lead-up to surgery. This will be my thread where I will come and post progress and when I just need to calm down. Here are some reminders for when I am struggling.

Reasons not to overeat

Back pain
Heart palpitations
Headaches
Out of breath going upstairs
Can't keep up with friends when walking
Struggling to get my work done
Waste of money

Things to do when thoughts of food seem overwhelming

Clean something in the house
Sing
Move around waving arms in the air to work off some energy
Go for a walk - but not near any shops and don't take money/cards
Take a break and sit down with a cup of tea
If I am tired: rest. If I am anxious: move the body.

Edited September 21, 2017 by Megan292

[Megan292 14]

I ate too much today.

I have figured out a diet that is a little more than the preop diet they told me about. I don't need to start the strict preop diet until I have a date for surgery, but I think if I get used to eating smaller meals it will help me for the future.

4 meals a day with less veggies and carbs than I am used to. Starting tomorrow.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

@Megan292 Welcome. Anxiety can be a real ******. Can you get counseling or take medication for it? Or maybe get a meditation dvd....

The eating is a symptom follwed by the chemical reward of the endorphins sugar/starch is giving you with food. A vicious circle - try low carb/ketogenic diet where you can eat lots of filling Protein and a few vegetables. The first 3 or 4 days will be awful, but after you get the carb craving out of your system it will be an amazing feeling. You will gain some energy and not feel hungry.

You will be left with the emotions that cause anxiety - instead of reaching for food - just sit with it. Sit and feel the sadness/hurt/anger/fear/fill in the blank feeling. Notice where it is coming from, your head, your heart, your breathing. This is going to sound whacky but I talk to it - like: ' Okay, I see you are back again. what is it this time - a tricky decision, something your azzhat of a brother brought up and made you feel rotten again, an argument, feeling like a fraud? Aha! You feel nervous and unworthy. Well. Eating will not fix that will it? Maybe your brother really is a pissant jerk, maybe you are just trying to hide and forget, make food your ole buddy.....ole pal..... But it isn't your friend. Go look in the mirror - that is your friend - you. Pretend to comfort THIS friend - hey don't be so hard on yourself, let's take a walk and sort this out.......be good to yourself. We all deserve that.

The sleeve won't fix your head, your head is where it starts and where it ends. Keep in touch and don't give up.

[Megan292 14]

Thank you so much @Sosewsue61 . I think (although I KNOW better) I am still expecting food to solve all my problems (either by eating it or not eating it).

How come you know my brother so well ... LOL

What you say about the emotions makes a lot of sense. I've had counselling as part of the assessment and preparation for surgery but I have trouble putting it to practice. Running to my old "friends" in the fridge seems so much quicker and easier. I know this is something I must change.

Yesterday I was feeling rejected twice over. (1) I offered to do more hours at my voluntary job, but the manager said no. She said she didn't want me to get too tired but I was imagining other reasons in my head.

(2) My best friend organised a trip with some other friends for her birthday and didn't ask me, even when somebody dropped out at the last minute. They went with an empty place. I think this is because they want to have a wild time and I have stopped drinking alcohol. And I know it is better for me not to go because I don't want to be tempted to start drinking again so close to my surgery, plus all the hotel food. But I still feel upset that she didn't invite me or even explain.

I know overeating doesn't deal with the feelings in any useful way - in fact the opposite, just makes everything worse long term - but it does make them feel so much less powerful temporarily ... I will keep working on this

Edited September 23, 2017 by Megan292
Trying to fix tag

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Megan - it will get better. I am sorry you feel excluded by your friend. I think you should actually ask her after the outing why she excluded you though..... She might actually feel that she is sparing you from frustration by not asking you to attend. Friends are really complicated and be aware that a lot of friendships tank once YOU start changing the 'game'. But you will get more social and have so many new life experiences once you let the new you out. Warning: there are transference addictions and alcohol can be one of them - most docs say don't even try any alcohol for a year after surgery and it takes less to get wasted quicker.

Is there a support group for wls patients at your hospital/clinic? If not maybe you could ask to start one, it's sonetimes so good to see other people experiencing the journey and share solutions.

Dream big girl!!!! Go buy a top 2 sizes smaller that's on sale and hang it where you can see it, if you get the urge to stuff your feelings - then go 'pet' it and tell yourself you want to fit into this instead of eat.

Tell your brother to sod off!!! Lol

[Megan292 14]

Thanks for all the tips! Love the idea of petting a skinny top

[Megan292 14]

Here should be my before pictures.... taken today.

Edited September 25, 2017 by Megan292

[Megan292 14]

I have a surgery date - October 11th.

Excited and a little scared! After so many months of assessments, it suddenly seems to be happening very fast!

[Megan292 14]

Surgery tomorrow. Scared! But looking forward to coming out the other side.

I think I'm all prepared for coming home. Protein Shakes. broth made and in the freezer.
What else....

ETA: oh no! I wanted to delete that picture because I have it in my Before picture in my profile now and I hate to look at it every time I come here. But the Edit button is gone

Edited October 10, 2017 by Megan292