New member: feeling lonely and scared

[HunyDarling 8]

Hello Everyone,

I'm a new member. I thought that I should introduce myself and join a support network. I'm scheduled to see a nurse practitioner for a first appointment at New York Presbyterian/Columbia, on 09/22/17. I've been a bigger girl most of my life, losing weight and gaining. This time I'm at my heaviest. I have high blood pressure and pre-diabetes due to my weight (runs in my family). I am so unhappy with myself and embarrassed that things have gotten so bad. I just want to be healthy and live a long life to be here for my son. My biggest fear is that I will die from health related issues, like my mom did when I was a kid. To make matters worse, I have absolutely no support system. My parents are deceased and the rest of my immediate family are strongly against me getting surgery. They've told me that having the surgery would be a stupid thing to do. They said that I'll never be the same and that I'm going to kill myself (no biting tongues). I'm not going to lie, I'm scared too. I will have no one to escort me to and from the hospital, or be waiting for me when I wake up from surgery. I will not have anyone to take care of my son while I'm in the hospital. The father previously told me that he will not do me any "favors" looking after our son for any reason outside of his visitation. A neutral aunt initially agreed to look after my son, but changed her mind after considering the troubles she might encounter (son has ADHD). It would be very sad if the only thing preventing me from having surgery is no childcare. As you can tell, I have a lot going on. All of this has made me feel scared, isolated ,and lonely. So, here I am in search of new friends.

Thank You,

HunyDarling

Edited September 19, 2017 by HunyDarling

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm really sorry you have no one to help you. Can you schedule the surgery around when your Ex has your child anyway? Do you have any friends that can help?

Can you hire a nanny? I mean money is the great equalizer, if people you know won't help you, you can always just pay someone.

I had a friend take me to the hospital and pick me up. You don't have anyone? Not even a co-worker? Churhc member? College buddy?

[HunyDarling 8]

Hi, OutsideMatchInside! Thank you for your response. The aunt I mentioned earlier told me about two cousins (whom I wasn't in touch with) who had the procedure done earlier this year. So, I am hoping to establish a local support system with them. Regarding a babysitter, I'll have to carefully review my options when the time comes.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

I agree on joining a church, or maybe look for an ADHD support group for a possible babysitter, or resource for babysitters.

Do you have neighbors? Co-workers that could provide a ride?

I wish you well and good luck with finding some help. Don't give up.

[vampire85 7]

Hi, OutsideMatchInside! Thank you for your response. The aunt I mentioned earlier told me about two cousins (whom I wasn't in touch with) who had the procedure done earlier this year. So, I am hoping to establish a local support system with them. Regarding a babysitter, I'll have to carefully review my options when the time comes.

Hey! I'm in New York and I had surgery on August 21st I don't have anyone that has had surgery around me or any friends either. I have kids too and if you need any help I'm here...I know we don't know each other, but I'm willing to exchange numbers and we can talk if you'd like

Sent from my SM-N910T3 using BariatricPal mobile app

[AmandaC86 8]

Im also from NY... i dont have children but was looking for other around me going through the sane procedure. I am having trouble starting the pre op diet. I feel so stressed from work that I am emotionally eating. Ugh I cant get myself together. I work full time and attend graduate school. [emoji21]

[HunyDarling 8]

23 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

I agree on joining a church, or maybe look for an ADHD support group for a possible babysitter, or resource for babysitters.

Do you have neighbors? Co-workers that could provide a ride?

I wish you well and good luck with finding some help. Don't give up.

Thank you, Sosewsue61. I will look for some type support group. I most certainly could benefit from being around other parents with ADHD kids. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to rely on my neighbors. They are not approachable people (drugs, hard partying). I a full-time student, working on a second degree and looking for a career change.

[HunyDarling 8]

9 hours ago, vampire85 said:

Hey! I'm in New York and I had surgery on August 21st I don't have anyone that has had surgery around me or any friends either. I have kids too and if you need any help I'm here...I know we don't know each other, but I'm willing to exchange numbers and we can talk if you'd like

Sent from my SM-N910T3 using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you, vampire85. That is very sweet of you. Being a mommy has left me with no social life outside of my family. I'll get right on figuring out how to send you a message, since I'm still learning how to navigate this site.

[HunyDarling 8]

1 hour ago, AmandaC86 said:

Im also from NY... i dont have children but was looking for other around me going through the sane procedure. I am having trouble starting the pre op diet. I feel so stressed from work that I am emotionally eating. Ugh I cant get myself together. I work full time and attend graduate school.

Hi, AmandaC86! I currently live in the Bronx. I am guilty of being an emotional eater too. Hang in there, we will get through these stressful times. It's a long journey, but worth it.

[HunyDarling 8]

Thank you everyone for replying to my post. My first appointment is coming up tomorrow at 9:15 in the morning. I am excited and nervous. I'm not sure what's going to happen during my visit. Can anyone please share with me what happens during the first office visit?

[AmandaC86 8]

Hi, AmandaC86! I currently live in the Bronx. I am guilty of being an emotional eater too. Hang in there, we will get through these stressful times. It's a long journey, but worth it.

I am also in the bronx. I am 31 how old are you in you don’t mind me asking?

[HunyDarling 8]

I am 32 years old, turning 33 November 4th.

[ProfessorSlim 115]

Hope your appointment went well. I am also east coast, Philly suburbs. I am pre-op, do not yet have a date, but I'm doing all the pre-op nutrition classes, etc. The first office visit was weight, height, discussion of your health, discussion of the procedure and a partial physical. Not bad a t all....hope yours went well!

[enigma_007 95]

Hello Everyone,
I'm a new member. I thought that I should introduce myself and join a support network. I'm scheduled to see a nurse practitioner for a first appointment at New York Presbyterian/Columbia, on 09/22/17. I've been a bigger girl most of my life, losing weight and gaining. This time I'm at my heaviest. I have high blood pressure and pre-diabetes due to my weight (runs in my family). I am so unhappy with myself and embarrassed that things have gotten so bad. I just want to be healthy and live a long life to be here for my son. My biggest fear is that I will die from health related issues, like my mom did when I was a kid. To make matters worse, I have absolutely no support system. My parents are deceased and the rest of my immediate family are strongly against me getting surgery. They've told me that having the surgery would be a stupid thing to do. They said that I'll never be the same and that I'm going to kill myself (no biting tongues). I'm not going to lie, I'm scared too. I will have no one to escort me to and from the hospital, or be waiting for me when I wake up from surgery. I will not have anyone to take care of my son while I'm in the hospital. The father previously told me that he will not do me any "favors" looking after our son for any reason outside of his visitation. A neutral aunt initially agreed to look after my son, but changed her mind after considering the troubles she might encounter (son has ADHD). It would be very sad if the only thing preventing me from having surgery is no childcare. As you can tell, I have a lot going on. All of this has made me feel scared, isolated ,and lonely. So, here I am in search of new friends.
Thank You,
HunyDarling

Hi.. hang in there. Sounds like ur in a tough spot. Im a single mother also. My oldest has adhd..so i know how hard it can be. Dont loose faith. If u cant find anyone to take u and pick u up...call a taxi and i think some insurance provides transportations. Talk to ur insurance. Childcare is really difficult these days, i struggle with it alot. Maybe he can have a sleep over at a friends house since family doesnt seem to be an option. And since support is an issue. I would suggest u make ur meals before surgery n freeze them. U can buy the broth off the shelf or make ur own and freeze it. Do all ur shopping in advance. Keep me posted. Hope it works out for u

Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,410]

Wow. ((hugs)). I know this is an overly simplistic approach coming from someone who isn't a mommy. But I used to be a nanny to many different kiddos. One thing that helped with ADHD and ADD was to change their diet. I know. I know...but I swear you could see the difference within 48 hours. My suggestion would be to put both of you on a "healthy" eating program. Get ALL contraband "crap" outta the house. And start weaning both of you off junk (processed, chemical laden, artificial color laden, sugar laden, high glycemic) food. Start eating meats, fish, veggies, fruit, nuts, seeds, healthy fats. Who knows, maybe your son would also feel SO much better and become less of a handful, so that your aunt would be more willing to care for him in your home--while you are there to supervise them?

You can hire drivers to get you to and from the hospital for less than $100. So that is easy. And we're here and can be your support group--but the cousins sound nice too. Everyone "should" have family, especially in trying times! Hang in there!