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Very Upset With Myself (new to online support groups)



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Hello everyone,

I had a very successful labband surgery in 2007 and I lost 100 lbs. Then suddenly, without any warnings or complications, my band slipped in August 2015 and I decided to have it removed. I was insured by Kaiser at the time, and their policy was I had to wait at least 6 months to have the gastric sleeve procedure done. Unfortunately, I had complications after the lap band removal and I had to have a 2 surgery to repair a small bowel obstruction about 5 days after the lab band removal. I was in the hospital 8 days after surgery #2 and had a very slow healing process as my wound could not be stiched up and had to heal from the inside out. After this unforseen ordeal, I did not want to have another surgery ever again in my lifetime! Also, I was working as an intern one a 1-year internship at the time and I could not take time off again to have another surgery. Fast forward to now and I have completed all of the pre-op requirements for the gastric sleeve surgery because, despite my efforts, I gained pretty much all of my weight back. :( In June 2017, my doctor wanted me to lose 10% of my total weight before I met with him again. We met on Aug. 22 and not only did I not lose any weight, I GAINED an additional 9 lbs.! :( Consequently, my doctor did not clear me for surgery and wants me to try to lose the weight again. I feel very defeated and broken. I know all of the right things to do and was a "gym rat" prior to my small bowerl obstruction surgery. I feel like a failure. I know I can do it because I'VE DONE IT, but my brain will not "kick in" for some reason. :(

Thanks for "listening."

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Sorry to hear about your struggles. Maybe consider doing a liquid diet for 2-weeks so you can bring the weight down a little. Don't give up, your journey is starting again even if it feels like it's getting delayed.

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2 hours ago, 1n0nlyJoe said:

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Maybe consider doing a liquid diet for 2-weeks so you can bring the weight down a little. Don't give up, your journey is starting again even if it feels like it's getting delayed.

Thank you for your encouraging words and the liquid diet link. I truly appreciate it! :) I will give the liquid diet a try. I didn't have to do that with my lapband surgery so this is all new to me.

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If you have the money, the Optifast liquid diet is the easiest to follow. Everything you need, right there.

But, it is expensive, so you might be better off doing 3-4 Protein Shakes a day, plus low sodium v8 or salad with fat free dressing.

You can expect to lose 10-15lbs a month on the liquid diet.

Alternatively, you can just do a ketogenic diet (moderate Protein, high fat, low carb). It will have the same results. There are some websites that have lots of info and "how to's".

Ultimately, for most of us, when we try to just tweak our normal diet, it just doesn't work very well. We have to throw it all away, and start with a clean slate. Going liquid or Keto will do just that. Both diets have severely strict "rules".. so you follow the rules, and you'll have results.

You'll do it this time, I know it!! Good luck!!

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Omgee i feel your pain! I was banded 2010, lost 80 lbs.....now i had it removed and I'm only 20 lbs from my max weight. I'm in the process of getting my 3 month insurance requirement. I too had a hard time with motivation. But we can do it!! I'm here for you if you need a band to sleeve buddy!!


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I too had my bad slip most likely because I had a 22 lb baby in my tummy moving around. Lol. I feel your pain I lost 140 lbs with the band and was doing great. I gained a lot of it back :/ i also had gallbladder surgery this past winter after band removal and a knee injury so I was in bed a lot. I'm doing all my pre op appointments right now. I'm here if you need to talk !

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On 8/30/2017 at 5:18 PM, WaywardMama said:

I too had my bad slip most likely because I had a 22 lb baby in my tummy moving around. Lol. I feel your pain I lost 140 lbs with the band and was doing great. I gained a lot of it back :/ i also had gallbladder surgery this past winter after band removal and a knee injury so I was in bed a lot. I'm doing all my pre op appointments right now. I'm here if you need to talk !

Thanks Wayward! It is such a MIND BEND losing all of that weight, keeping it off and then with one slip of the band gaining all/some/most of the weight back again. I feel like I'm living in someone else's body! I had forgotten all of the stuff you have to consider in the course of a day when you are obese. I had to RELEARN things I wanted to FORGET FOREVER! Ugh!

Anyway, good luck with your pre-op procedures. And thanks for sharing your story. 😊

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On 9/3/2017 at 0:16 AM, Frmbandtosleeve said:

Thanks Wayward! It is such a MIND BEND losing all of that weight, keeping it off and then with one slip of the band gaining all/some/most of the weight back again. I feel like I'm living in someone else's body! I had forgotten all of the stuff you have to consider in the course of a day when you are obese. I had to RELEARN things I wanted to FORGET FOREVER! Ugh!

Anyway, good luck with your pre-op procedures. And thanks for sharing your story. 😊

You are so right! Good luck to you as well and thanks for replying :)

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If I could support you with anything, I would offer you this. Stop beating yourself up and take responsibility for the choices that got you where you are now. You did not chose to the issues with your health, but you did chose what food you were putting in your body.

You did what you did and you didn't do what you didn't do and you were dealing with whatever circumstances you were dealing with.

When we make bad choices we are not bad people. We just made bad choices. And we are capable of learning from our choices. And as someone who has spent my fair share of time thinking there is something wrong with me or some fundamental character flaw instead of being responsible for the choices I made that had me gain, I can say there is no cheese down that tunnel.

The good news is you have done this before. And you can do it again !


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If I could support you with anything, I would offer you this. Stop beating yourself up and take responsibility for the choices that got you where you are now. You did not chose to the issues with your health, but you did chose what food you were putting in your body.

You did what you did and you didn't do what you didn't do and you were dealing with whatever circumstances you were dealing with.

When we make bad choices we are not bad people. We just made bad choices. And we are capable of learning from our choices. And as someone who has spent my fair share of time thinking there is something wrong with me or some fundamental character flaw instead of being responsible for the choices I made that had me gain, I can say there is no cheese down that tunnel.

The good news is you have done this before. And you can do it again !





I love this! Best way I've seen it phrased- I did what I did & I didn't do what I didn't do. Yep.


- No idea what I'm doing but I'm here! :)

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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