Not telling Mom/some others....opinions

[Joann454 1,329]

Thank you all for the very insightful comments. One thing is for sure, I am glad to have found this place pre-op, as I am sure I will be back during this process! I have been to one appt so far, I still need to do the nutrtionist appt, etc, I am hoping to schedule for 10/29 (I teach, and that week is an "off" week, so I can work at home). I'll take more time if needed, and I will just say I'm having a minor procedure and not offer details. I am pretty sure I am going to not discuss it with anyone, except my partner and all of you, for now. If I feel the need pre-op or post op to discuss it with certain friends/family, I can decide to do so at that time. I agree with being proud and not ashamed of taking control of my health and future, but I am really much more in the "private" way of thinking.

Thanks again!

There have been times I've read this type of post and received vibes of shame from other posters. Almost as if it is our job to educate and remove the stigma of WLS. This wasn't one of those threads I'm happy to see. I am so glad you got the support and personal stories from the group! Going through this surgery is hard enough, we all have our own reasons for sharing or not. Best wishes!

[PrayingForWeightLoss 340]

Joann454, you are right. I have seen those threads too. I personally respect people who choose to share and people who chose to keep their medical history private. It's a choice.

[arcwls 27]

Only my husband and my niece who had the surgery knows. I am going on 3 weeks post op and not telling anyone. It's my business my body. My niece said if anyone asks what are you doing to lose say, " I am on a strict diet under my doctors supervision and I count calories and no carbs."It's not a lie and it's best for the cat to stay in the bag than have it get loose.
Ever try to put the cat back in the bag???
Maybe down the line I might talk about wls but gor now mums the word.

HW 274 SW 263 GW 125 GASTRIC SLEEVE 7/21/17. Height 5'1"

I am with you. I have told my partner because they will have to pick me up and see me while I recover.

I'd rather no one knew; not because I am ashamed, it's just no one else's business [emoji846]

[Missy161 395]

Definitely not something to be ashamed of! But we can choose to keep it private or to share - that's why I chose to keep it to a few trusted people. I know if I told my in laws they wouldn't respect my choice and everyone would know. I'm happy with my choice. Whatever you choose you should be proud you have made the difficult choice to start this journey and take your health into your hands


Mich W
Hw 223, SW 217 CW 194 GW 135

[MakingChanges74 8]

This is a very interesting topic. I didn't tell my mom, dad or sister (who wants to have the sleeve but has some other health issues that might make it impossible for her to have it). My decisions to stay private didn't have anything to do with being ashamed or hiding it. My family has a way of making everything about them. I wanted to be able to heal and rest and be in peace. If I had told my family, they would be calling and texting and I just didn't want to have to deal with it. My mom tried to get focus on herself (and away from me) during my wedding and the birth of my first child and now that I am older, I am no longer tolerant of those behaviors. So I have to keep things private so that I can feel comfortable and secure. I've told 3 friends and I have my husband and 2 kiddos for support and it has been all that I needed (in addition to online support groups and my doc's office). It is hard to feel comfortable with the decision to stay private based of the guilt I know that my family would feed me if they found out. But I need to just push through it. I know in the long run it is the best decision for me.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

Didn't tell my mother or my sister. Mom was 93 and had dementia. She spent 55 years telling me I was fat, lazy and stupid. She didn't want me to attend my own father's funeral because she thought I was too fat and was going to embarrass her.

My sister, while I lover her, would not have understood.

My husband, two daughters and two friends knew. I had surgery 8/23/1. Mom died 10/1/16. Neither she or my sister know.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

My close friends know, and have mostly forgotten about it. My family including my college age child do not know. It was honestly shockingly easy to keep a secret.

I would tell people but now, 2 years later there doesn't seem to be much point, my weight loss is just about like anyone else at this point, and I have to exercise self control and will power.

I am glad I was able to navigate losing weight and surgery without other people projecting their feelings and expectations onto me.

When I decided I did not want more than one child and had an IUD inserted I did not tell everyone, I just went and did it. I pretty much view WLS the same way.

[tinab59 5]

Didn't tell my mother or my sister. Mom was 93 and had dementia. She spent 55 years telling me I was fat, lazy and stupid. She didn't want me to attend my own father's funeral because she thought I was too fat and was going to embarrass her.
My sister, while I lover her, would not have understood.
My husband, two daughters and two friends knew. I had surgery 8/23/1. Mom died 10/1/16. Neither she or my sister know.

[tinab59 5]

I am so sorry your Mom treated you that way[emoji174]

[Joann454 1,329]

Didn't tell my mother or my sister. Mom was 93 and had dementia. She spent 55 years telling me I was fat, lazy and stupid. She didn't want me to attend my own father's funeral because she thought I was too fat and was going to embarrass her.
My sister, while I lover her, would not have understood.
My husband, two daughters and two friends knew. I had surgery 8/23/1. Mom died 10/1/16. Neither she or my sister know.

What the hell!!! This breaks my heart for you. It amazes me that a mother could be more concerned with how her daughter reflects on her than a daughter who is grieving the loss of her father. Ugh!

[DianeJarrett 155]

I have told only my close friends and family. I didn't announce on social media, etc. I even posted in this group about the apparent "SHAME" of bariatric surgery. People seem to believe that it is the "easy" way to lose weight but they have zero idea what the f**k they are talking about. Forced Portion Control is never easy. They think we just eat and eat and lose weight anyway, and we all know that's a load of hooey. This is a tough process and forces us to change our entire lives to lose weight. If they knew what we went through, they would think differently. Sadly, most people won't educate themselves on weight loss and how difficult it is to change your life, your habits, etc. This helps us do that.... in a hard core way.

I didn't care enough what people thought once I finally decided it was the right route for me. I used to think it was extreme and that anyone could lose the weight naturally. I now know that it's not always possible. I tore my meniscus in my knee and weight loss was impossible for me after 50 and a hysterectomy without working out, which I could no longer do. I was bullied into exploring the surgery by my orthopedist and went to my bariatric surgeon who really educated me on the process. He made me see that there is no shame in the process and it's better to take a stand, improve your health and extend your life THAN DO NOTHING!!! People don't get that. Once I saw his way of thinking, I stopped caring about what people thought. I don't announce it on social media or to my other friends because I don't care what they think and quite frankly, my mouth is pretty sharp sometimes. lol

All of us should hold our heads up high for caring enough about ourselves and our loved ones to make a change in our lives. At the end of the day, we are responsible for our health and happiness. If this is the choice we made, and it made the difference, so be it.

[Natasha85 1]

I briefly had the discussion with my mom today! I plan on going to Mexico and she most definitely doesn't approve of that! The next time I mention it to her everything will be paid for. I'm just afraid of the judgement that I will get from my family. I've always been the fat sibling. I've always been forced on diets that never seemed to work. When I started managing my weight on my own, I started at 356. I'm currently 294 but I lost that with eating right, working out and adipex. I didn't want to become dependent on pills so I figured this will help. My work insurance denied me so Mexico is ode within my budget be I plan on using my 401K. I'm waiting on to hear back from that department now.

[DianeJarrett 155]

I think that is great! I know many who have had the surgery in Mexico. It is safe. I'm glad you are making this healthy choice. Keep us posted!!!

[Neens 60]

I did tell all my family and luckily everyone accepted it and were really happy for me, well except my dad he wasn't so sure but still kept his opinion to himself and is taking me to the hospital tomorrow (surgery day!!)
I didn't want to tell people at work and i told only a few people including my boss of course but she has a big mouth and told everyone else. I work at the same hospital im getting the surgery so they were going to find out anyways, luckily the fee people that came to me to talk about it were really supportive and some even came to ask about it because they are thinking about getting surgery themselves.

[Natasha85 1]

I'm just waiting on my job to let me know about my 401K. I hate that they always want to know why you want to withdraw your 401K early. I don't want them to know what I'm doing. It's already enough that I'm paying a lot in health insurance and what I need to have done isn't covered.