Plea to the Sleeve

[KristyMe 28]

I can see this thread is mostly dead, but I still struggle and I wrote this today so I am sharing.

First, I have to admit the surgery worked. The quantity of food I can consume has definitely been muted but the cravings for junk or more specifically for fast food remain and are as strong as ever. Today I purposefully packed enough food for lunch and dinner knowing I would not make it home in time for dinner today. Instead of being done and moving on with life, I took it as a personal challenge to eat all I packed so I could go out for dinner. It doesn't help I was bored at work today and will be all week.

It's no secret I "use" food. But for what? Why? I don't get the "high" I used to get when I ate. Now it's more of a slight pain and it mostly uncomfortable and unpleasant. My version of overeating doesn't match most other peoples definition of overeating, but I'm still doing it. I'm not saying the surgery didn't work. I am saying I'm not using my tool correctly. A recent x-ray confirmed it's there and looks great. I actually was worried I had stretched it out and blown my chance. But even with that knowledge, I am still playing around with it. But I got food when I wasn't hungry and while I didn't eat much of it (thankfully), it shouldn't have been ordered in the first place.

I have all the best tools in my arsenal. Knowledge of what I should eat. Surgical restriction, to aid in Portion Control. Moral direction, to know what is right and what is wrong. Family support. Where do I go next? What am I missing? So here I sit. Clueless about what my problem is and how to best proceed. I'm a counselor and have been through all the reasons I think I eat. None of them are earth shattering or overly complicated to solve.

[BarbHY 18]

Kristy, I'm so happy that you reached out. First, 67 lbs is a great loss. You should feel good about your progress. My surgery was in 2104 and I have not been on this site in a long time. Something made me open your email this morning and I'm glad I did. I completely share and understand your struggle. Maybe we can help each other and hopefully others will join in the conversation as well. After my surgery I lost over 50 pounds. I was starting to feel pretty hopeful about reaching my goal of 160 pounds and somehow things stated going south. Like you, I certainly get full very quickly and I am so thankful for that. At the same time, I am ashamed to say that I have gained back 20 pounds of my weight despite that great tool. I don't think I overeat but I eat the wrong things too often. I wish that I could get my sugar and carb cravings under control. I know it's my downfall. When I was on a very strict nutrition plan in the months following surgery I was completely satisfied with my diet, but as soon as I allowed myself to stick my toe in the Water and allow myself an occasional treat, I think I slowly lost control all together and cannot seem to get back. I honestly have not been to my surgeon or nutritionist for about a year and half because I am so ashamed at my failure. This is actually the first time I am putting this all into honest words even though I think about it daily. I sit here near tears at the thought of not having a better handle on my eating habits despite an awesome advantage that so many people do not have. I so desperately want to do better. Like you said yourself, I know all the right things, why can't I make it happen. Maybe we can figure this out together. If anyone has had this experience and can share advice I would appreciate the help. I am now 40 pounds from my goal weight and feeling very discouraged and ashamed of myself.

[KristyMe 28]

@BarbHY Yes! Yes! I am with you. Thank you for responding. I wonder how many people are struggling and hate to admit their shortcomings. You are right being accountable is there first step. Just like you I was totally satisfied with my diet after the surgery. I didn't mind I couldn't eat much bread, rice, Pasta. I didn't care about the cake and ice cream at parties and I didn't mind watching others enjoy it. I loved eating all the meats and veggies and fruit. But just like you, I dipped my toe in the Water and it started to become the norm instead of the once in a while treat or even better never at all. The one thing I've been able to cut out is soda. I haven't had one since pre-surgery. So success there and I am thankful for the weight I have lost, but honestly it should be more and I want it to be more.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond. I honestly didn't think anyone would see it.

[njgal 535]

Thank you both so much for putting into words what many of us have felt again and again... I'm pre-op so I don't mean to presume to know but what you both describe isn't just an issue post-op (maybe more so then but still). It is very enlightening and helpful to know that you suffer from such fears and insecurities post-op too though.

I think you have both taken a big step in putting things down in words. I read somewhere that your surgeon isn't there to judge; he/she is there to help you. Don't feel like a failure; seek the help you need. Talk to your surgeons. Maybe they have new tools in their arsenals to help you. It's been a few years after all. And even if there's no direct effect; your visiting them and talking to them might be all the push you need to reset your minds and get back in the saddle


H 5'6" HW 253, CW 245, TBS 9/19