The Shame of WLS

[DianeJarrett 155]

Has anyone else experienced the shaming of WLS? Before my journey began, maybe I felt it too, that WLS was the "easy" way out. I know better now, but prior to surgery, I had lost 85 lbs on my own through the "body reset diet" and exercise. I was 50 years old, working hard at it, walking 10k steps a day, and the pounds were sliding off of me! Then, I had a full hysterectomy and those days were OVER. I dieted, I worked out, and NOTHING. I even started to GAIN weight. And because I was working out way too hard, I tore my meniscus (knee). My weight exploded after that, and I gained 25 more pounds. It was a nightmare.

My orthopedic surgeon and my GP both began to discuss WLS with me, because my hormones weren't coming back, and I'm the type of person that can't lose weight without some form of physical exercise. (They both thought it was a way to drop some weight, take some pressure off my knee and allow it heal through PT.) And, I was so disgusted by the thought of taking the "easy" road, and not doing it on my own. I discussed it with some friends (all younger), who all thought I could do it "naturally" and that it was crazy to do something so drastic just to lose weight. But, I went to see my surgeon, as a favor to my GP, and he was AMAZING! Dr. George Fielding, a leader in the field, who finally set me straight. He said, "It's better to take this step towards a healthy lifestyle than to do NOTHING. This will change your life for the better! If you need to take this step, who are other people to tell you it's wrong?"

It did change my way of thinking, and I'm glad I took this step. I'm less than 2 weeks past my surgery, and I feel so much better, my knee already feels better and I'm on the road to a new ME! But, I still haven't told anyone. Sure, I've told a few close friends and my family, but I didn't post it on Facebook as my status and I'm not talking about it at all. Why? Maybe I don't want to hear any criticism or maybe, deep down, I still feel a little shame. I'm not sure.

Is anyone else experiencing this? People are so vocal these days, so quick to criticize. They believe they can give you their opinion, whether you ask for it or not. Other folks don't know my struggle with hormones and my knee, but that won't matter when they start talking. This is a tough road for anyone to go down, and I don't want to get sidetracked with any level of depression (I'm a pretty upbeat person anyway, but I know depression is common). Anyone?

[Joann454 1,329]

Back when my sister had her RNY 17 years ago, I remember thinking she will never have to diet again and that I should gain 60lbs so I could qualify. Then I watched her struggle post surgery (it was an open surgery back then) and then slowly gain weight back and having to go back to weight watchers. I quickly learned this was only a tool and would only work if you helped it work.
Before then I do believe I thought it was the easy way out. As this surgery becomes more common I think people will end up knowing someone who had it and come to realize that while it helps, it's not the easy way out.
I've only told a few people I've had it. It's not because I'm ashamed, it's because I don't want the added pressure of people looking at me to see if I've lost weight or in some cases flat out asking me. I'm a sloooow loser and am trying to deal with that on my own. I don't want or need judging eyes on me.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

I am only telling a select few and reactions are mixed but surprisingly not in the way I assumed. A couple I thought would object are in favor and while one person I thought would be enthusiastic said she has never considered wls and she outweighs me by 150. My husband was all in, which I thought I would need to convince. I am avoiding telling ones I know to be judgemental a-holez or obnoxious gossips, which I consider Facebook the supreme obnoxious gossiper.

The stigma for wls I think will remain regardless of surging trends because being fat is held as a bigger personal failure than going bankrupt. We can be successful in a thousand bigger ways but still looked upon like we are lazy and less serious if we are fat. And even if we do lose weight, the minute we gain there are those that secretly applaud, saying I knew you would just gain it back - you have no self control.

[bright_horizons 9]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. Have had the same wt loss successes and stalls as you. And I have only told a handful of people. I have a few reasons why I didn't tell people preop. But now that I'm postop, people will notice the loss and I'll be ready to tell them then. This is emotionally tough. Hang in there.

[kathy51 17]

I'm am so excited about my WLS and I have told a few people. I was fairly disappointed in the responses. They have not been very supportive. I have a few supportive family members so I am good, but my friends have let me down. I have 3 cousins who have had WLS and 2 of the 3 got divorced after their surgery. I wonder what direction my life will take and who will be there with me post surgery. I guess it is like an adventure.

[DianeJarrett 155]

I guess we are all facing the same situation, people judging without enough information, or if they have it, still judgmental based upon preconceived notions. I'm going to hold off on telling anyone and do this for me. I hope you all do the same. If they don't like it, screw 'em. It's certainly not about them. It's about our health and well-being. I guess I will focus on that and only that.

[kathy51 17]

Agreed. I am doing it for me. I guess all we can do it take one step at a time and make good choices day to day for ourselves. I can't wait to read more about everyone's journey.

[melty29 33]

I only told my boss, 2 best friends and my cousin. I guess I was afraid of people judging me. One of my best friends had the sleeve done three years ago. I see her struggle and I know it hasn't been easy. I also didn't tell very many people because I am afraid of failing. I am 47 and I want to live a long and healthy life. I hope I can succeed!

[bright_horizons 9]

I only told my boss, 2 best friends and my cousin. I guess I was afraid of people judging me. One of my best friends had the sleeve done three years ago. I see her struggle and I know it hasn't been easy. I also didn't tell very many people because I am afraid of failing. I am 47 and I want to live a long and healthy life. I hope I can succeed!

You can do this!!

[bitingcat 87]

Bright horizons - I feel you. Just turned 46 and have never been able to lose more than 20lbs without doubling that with regain.

OP - I empathize. My hormones are wac - to the point where I had a surprise hysterectomy 3 months post op. And I told very few people - husband, bestie, and best sister. My nieces figured it out, but are super supportive and swore not to tell their mom or grandma. My own kids only told about that hiatal hernia part and said I'd prefer they didn't mention it. With all the hysterectomy nonsense coming right after wls, I've barely shown my face in church for months. So even though I'm not a fast loser (and nowhere near goal) it's obvious something changed.

I legitimately claimed illness, but my best backup is my husband who finally tried low carb out of solidarity and fear of following me under the knife. Being a man, he's lost almost as much as I have post surgery.

I also, like you, can claim PT - shortly before surgery I was diagnosed with an overstretched and partially torn tendon in my ankle. The threat of *four* separate surgeries has been motivating and every pound I've lost has seriously helped it. She's been great and coming up with non-straining exercises. Back on the dark side, it's been the coldest, rainiest winter on record in Seattle and I'm still trying to recover from the latest bronchial infection. And trying to fix my hormones and the lingering anemia.

It's just so much to deal with, isn't it? I just want to yell, "Major problems need to max out at three!" But like you, I need to exercise to lose weight - this infection has me going backwards again [emoji31]. But I'm going to try PT again tomorrow - first time in a week and a half - and managed to do a little arm work and leg work today, even though it left me prostrate on the couch for the rest of the day. I got my blood draw for hormones today (yay!) and need to schedule that appointment next.

I'm 9 months out of the sleeve and about 3 months out from hyst- seriously, does that pain *ever* go away?! So most of my "honeymoon" was blown being wildly anemic/recovering from surgery. I've only lost maybe 8 lbs since the hyst - but the surgeon said I'm regaining some muscle.

Don't feel guilty. 70 lbs lighter since surgery allowed me to take a birthday trip to Vegas, learn to kayak, be able to walk with a small brace instead of an orthopedic boot, and fit into cute (mostly still plus) size athletic leggings from Lucy and Athleta. I even dropped from double wide to just wide shoes.

Like me, you have serious health problems most people can't imagine living with. You're doing what you need to do to get the shot at becoming a more healthy you. And don't let anyone ever make you feel bad for that. You know how to lose weight - enjoy your honeymoon and your real shot at keeping it off for good [emoji4][emoji106][emoji322]

[DianeJarrett 155]

Bitingcat, wow! I'm not sure how I would have handled hysterectomy AFTER WLS! It was so tough before the surgery, and far more painful than the actual WLS surgery. I also had my gall bladder out in an emergency surgery, both the full hysterectomy and the gall bladder removal were "surprises" (I went in for an ovary removal and came out with the full Magilla and the gall baldder surgery 5 months after)! Honestly, I feel like the hysterectomy and the gall bladder surgeries were "warm-ups" to the WLS, it made it go much smoother, and the pain, compared to the hysterectomy, was almost nothing. I'm glad I went through those first, and I totally feel your pain for the post-surgical issues you had! My goodness!

I'm doing fine, 10 lbs lost in 13 days post surgery. I'm sure it won't always be this quick, I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I appreciate everyone's kind words. I'm not sure if I will ever be forthright with the information, because of people's pre-conceived notions about the "easy" surgery, but again, I am so glad I went down this road. Although I don't think I will lose 100 lbs (my doctor thinks about 50-60), that is a huge number for me, and just getting below 200 lbs would be a huge boost to my psyche. That double century mark has ALWAYS been hard for me. To get below it and stay below it, I can't imagine how wonderful that will be!

[HRHMKB 76]

I had surgery in December and was out in the open with everyone. I totally understand why it's something you would hide, but my thought was that people are going to notice and I wanted to share my experience as well as the struggles. This was a difficult decision for me, but a necessary one. I post updates regularly on Facebook and instagram. I think that's my way of making it less of a stigma. It isn't easy at all. The sleeve works based on what YOU do to help it along. Anyone who says it's an easy way out is plain wrong. You struggle every day. There are foods you just can't eat. There are days when you wonder why you aren't losing faster. There are moments when you know that your entire mindset has had to change. That isn't easy at all. Being extra picky about what you eat isn't easy. Working out and toning isn't easy. But, it's all worth it. Just my experience. Goodluck to all of you!

[DianeJarrett 155]

I’m glad you are having a positive experience! I have told a few more people since this post, and again, it has been mixed. The positive are incredibly positive, and the negative truly soul crushing. I’m keeping a positive outlook alway and letting the negative just slide off my back.

[Molly23 275]

I was really worried about the negativity before I had surgery. I was just so nervous that people would think I was taking the "easy way" out. It is most certainly not the easy way, as I'm sure anyone post-op can confirm. Since having surgery I find myself telling anyone. If someone compliments my weight loss or asks why I was out of work I just come out with it. I realize that's not everyone's path and I didn't think I would want to share it with many people at all. I've found it a bit cathartic to just be honest about surgery. I luckily haven't had any negative reactions, at least not to my face. People are going to think what they want anyway, and all I can do is deal with my experience.

I can't imagine having someone you trust enough to disclose about surgery being so negative. I know that it's way easier said then done to ignore the comments. The truth of the matter is that what's done is done. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and focus on your journey. You've taken a huge step towards self improvement! There's nothing wrong with that. I've found that reminding myself of the NSVs is a huge help to staying positive. You got this!

[greenlora 9]

I had surgery in December and was out in the open with everyone. I totally understand why it's something you would hide, but my thought was that people are going to notice and I wanted to share my experience as well as the struggles. This was a difficult decision for me, but a necessary one. I post updates regularly on Facebook and instagram. I think that's my way of making it less of a stigma. It isn't easy at all. The sleeve works based on what YOU do to help it along. Anyone who says it's an easy way out is plain wrong. You struggle every day. There are foods you just can't eat. There are days when you wonder why you aren't losing faster. There are moments when you know that your entire mindset has had to change. That isn't easy at all. Being extra picky about what you eat isn't easy. Working out and toning isn't easy. But, it's all worth it. Just my experience. Goodluck to all of you!

I appreciate your perspective on this. I've decided to keep my decision private, but reading this really made me reconsider.