Hi,

I used to meet with a friend weekly for breakfast and lunch. Since my surgery 2 months ago, it seems like this "friend" has been avoiding me. I've seen her once since my surgery when she asked me to give her a ride to work. This was about a month ago. I could be overacting but my gut is telling me that she is in fact avoiding me. She's overweight but her PCP told her she wouldn't be a candidate for wls due to some of her medical issues. Did anyone else have a similar experience with someone they knew?

It may be jealousy. When you talk to her, has it been all about surgery and life after?

Sent from my SM-G920V using the BariatricPal App

Perhaps she thinks you can't go out to eat anymore. Phone her and suggest an activity that doesn't involve food.

Well I'm in the pre-stage and I guess several family members and really close friends tried to convince me not to have it done. The closer it gets to my surgery they all seem to be coming around but I don't know I just hope that my pre warning them that I'm still going to need their support and love. So far they all seem to be on board even if they still don't agree. My husband didn't really get why I would have it but the more research I shared with him the more involved he became.

I think in time people come around. Maybe your friends issue isn't even you at all. Maybe it's her own self esteem. I keep encouraging my family and friends to do clean eating with me after surgery. Trying to include them in my change because regardless of how our appearance changes our hearts never will. They just need to know that. Ask her why she's acting differently.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited January 11, 20179 yr by danithomas

yes I lost several "friends" some were my eating buddies and they were not comfortable eating with me since I was eating healthy. some I lost because they no longer knew how to relate to the new me. I am more confident and have boundaries now that I never would have had the courage to have before my true friends who are happy for me and really love me whether I am big or small are still around and now I have several new friends from the support groups. when we eat out we really enjoy the food and the conversations and have no guilt or shame. just love. this may also happen with male relationships. I lost one guy because I was healthy now and no fun. I also had to come to grips with several guys who I had known for years who are now asking me out. I don't go because they never asked me before and the only thing that has changed is the outside. find new friends who love you just the way you are.

I don't think I have lost any friends. It sounds to me like your friend has the problem. Even though it is hard to lose a friend, you need to surround yourself with positive support. Sorry you lost your friend.

^{sometimes you have to say Fu\ck it and kick them bit\ches off ya team. if they acting funny in the beginning Lorrd knows how they going to be we you get ya True Sexy on. Im just saying. Words from a hood dude. 60lb down and counting hate if you want to ill drop ya ass off the team too.}

Edited January 19, 20179 yr by Madmanpbsgc

I'm 3 years out and one of my best friends has been kind of avoiding me since my weight loss. He and I used to attend baseball and football games together but always included a big meal as part of it and often a buffet.

He's stopped inviting me and I suppose I'm ok with I, as the inevitable pig-out isn't fun for him with me eating like a bird.

Oh well...

we now find great new friends thro the support groups or people who we have never hung with because they did physical things that we could not do. it does all work out for the best in the long run. just sad at first