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Hello I need support. I was sleeved 11/28/16 I lost just 20 pounds but now I am stuck. I barely eat I exercise. But have no real support with my partner. She had bypass just under 2 years ago and. She doesn't help me in any way. Tonight she fried dinner and her response to me was the kids eat them like that. So get over it. I am at a loss of words and don't know what to do.

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Take over the cooking or cook for yourself. You'd be doing yourself harm not to take charge of what you need. No matter what, you have ultimate responsibility for your weight loss and your life.

A number of questions come to mind regarding your partner and your relationship. The main ones are whether she gave up on losing weight and whether something else is on her mind. If you haven't, why not talk to her without demands and accusations?

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I like the idea about taking over the cooking. But, if for some reason you can't, then "pre-plan" your own meals. Decide what you can eat & plan for it. Prepare it & toss it in the fridge until you need it.

I'm not sure how successful your partner was with her surgery, but perhaps she's feeling as though you may do better or look better? As hard as this journey is, we all need support. Talk to her about it & see how she reacts. Let her know this is how you feel & remind her why you're doing this for yourself.

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First of all, stop worrying. Worrying makes things worst.

Second of all, start by planning what you can eat and would prefer to eat (as each person's likes and dislikes towards certain food changes after the surgery.

1. Create a diet chart.

2. Start cooking for yourself. Start with small salads and Soups. They are easy, healthy and delicious.

3. If you do not have time during weekdays, cook during weekends and store it in the fridge, so that you can heat and eat during weekdays.

4. Stay positive.

5. Do not bring in any negativity between your spouse and yourself. She cooks fried food, smile and say 'it is okay', 'I can cook something or eat something that is already there in the fridge'.

In my opinion, it is not the surgery that makes you 100% healthy, it is 'you', 'your positive thinking towards a better lifestyle' that helps you in the long run. So instead of feeling bad or worried, cook for yourself. Trust me it is one of the best things to do for oneself. If you are cooking for the first time, try with simple Soups and salads. Take responsibility for your life and well-being :).

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Wow I'm going to pray for your situation..... that's just a bit too much. As much as I prefer not

to eat can food.... you may have to resort to that. Whatever is going on in your life had to be there before the surgery. You really need to stand up and love yourself enough to take charge of your own life. People are going to do whatever they want to you as long as you let them. The problems your dealing with didn't start over night nor will they end that way. Sound like you all may need to seek some counseling. If she refuses to go, then go on your own. There are Pastors. Ministers and others that are close in your area, that can help and support you. Don't let anyone control you. People need bounderies. Bounderies helps people to know what you will and will not tolerate. Save yourself and seek counseling.

Sent from my SM-J700P using the BariatricPal App

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Get this: http://www.containerstore.com/s/collections/banks-safes/fridge-locker/12d?productId=10030818

Then you can keep your food separate.

Sent from my SM-G925V using the BariatricPal App

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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