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Should I be upset?

sill21

By sill21, in Rants & Raves

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sill21    69

sill21
Posted

Yesterday, I hung out with some friends and they all knew I was on the post op liquid diet. The weather wasn't too good outside and they were hungry and decided to order pizza. They started to order and mid-order asked if I was okay with it. Of course I wasn't but I felt stupid saying no so I said it was okay. They ordered it and ate it in front of me even forgetting that I couldn't eat it and offered me some after it came. Do I have a right to be upset about them knowingly ordering a food they know I like even though I said it was okay? I feel like if the roles were reversed I would have never done that to them.

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TiredOfMyself    141

TiredOfMyself
Posted

This was the choice we made. Why should anyone else feel guilty or alter their life because of a choice we made?

It sucks the first time it happens but you get used to it.

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blizair09    3,250

blizair09
Posted

A big part of this journey is re-defining your relationship with food. In my case, my goal was that food and drink were no longer the centerpiece of any part of my life. For others, especially those with less extreme relationships with food, life will go on. My advice is to work on not letting it bother you. What difference does it make if they eat pizza? You don't need it, so just enjoy the company and don't focus on the food. I understand that it is easier said that done in the beginning, but no one said that this journey was easy.

Good luck!

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RJrocks    69

RJrocks
Posted

No, I don't think you have a right to get mad. If the visit as even more than 2 hours people want food. If you set out ground rules that you would only come if there wasn't food involved, that would be different. I fully expect to have to turn down, make excuses or arise late/after dinner to make my new life style work once I get there. And I know it will be hard and awkward.

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sill21    69

sill21
Posted

Thanks everyone. I am reshaping how I look at food but I think it was an extra hard challenge being on the liquid diet. I just can't wait to chew something again.

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WLSResources/ClothingExch    3,444

WLSResources/ClothingExch
Posted

You have the "right" to feel as you do. The question is whether the feeling is reasonable. Your friends asked for your input iand you withheld the truth. There's no way of knowing whether they'd have skipped pizza, but you had the option of going off to do something on your own for a while or staying and drinking your liquids. Majority rules and the world isn't going to stop for you. You say you wouldn't have "done" that to them. They really didn't "do" anything to you.

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Nicetomeetyou 82    41

Nicetomeetyou 82
Posted

No you can't be upset. Just because you can't eat it doesn't mean they should have to alter their diet for you. Imagine you and another gastric friend invite one of your friends and take her to a place for gastric sleeve or bypass amd expect her to be ok. Ok not a great example but you get the drift this is the lifestyle you chose and yes sometimes it sucks but they didn't chose this. Do you think if you were further out and could have had a quarter slice of pizza or topping you would be this upset? If the answer is no. Then just chalk it up to a bad day. If you answer yes then those feelings maybe justified or there maybe a deeper issue. Either way you can feel whatever way you want...that is the great thing about feelings, you choose not them.

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Mei    32

Mei
Posted

I don't think you should be upset. Remember the world does not revolve around us - we need to adapt. I know it's easier said than done, but it is part of life. You were strong enough to decline the temptation, you're going have a great rest of your journey! Best of luck!

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NWJill    119

NWJill
Posted

Holidays have been hard being on pre-op diet, lots of food and food smells and gatherings with and around food, and yes in some ways I wish it would all go away and stay hidden from me but that is not reality. The reality is that I can't avoid food and I actually feel better now when I can say, nope I can't eat that, the scary part is later when you can choose to indulge and have to make that choice

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Odie    249

Odie
Posted

Please keep in mind that you chose to change your world. The world did not choose to change for you!! At least they were polite and caring enough to ask if you minded. You can't blame them if they took you at your word that you did not mind!!

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sc101071    398

sc101071
Posted

If you start dictating what others can eat they're just going to stop inviting you to the party.

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Steven1954    89

Steven1954
Posted

@sill21. The surgery was our choice as well as our restricted eating ability. We don't expect to change others eating behavior because we are there

So please keep your eye on the prize.

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Go To Topic Listing Rants & Raves

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

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      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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