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Fear of Failure and a New Goal..

Ruth1ess

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Ruth1ess    494

Ruth1ess
Posted (edited)

I'm 189 today, down a total of 104 lbs. Tomorrow is my 8 month Surgiversary.

My goal before surgery was 185. It would set me into the 'overweight' category, a BMI of 29. It's my lowest adult weight, ever. I have ridden around 250 for most of it, jetting to 293 at my highest.

But in 4 pounds, I'll make that goal. I'm squeezing into sz 12s from sz 24s, by my surgeon’s and everyone else’s standards, I am a success story. But it doesn’t feel like it.

I'm happy with my progress. I struggled with so much fear before and after surgery, that I'd stall out places I'd been before in my life. 240. 220. I never thought I'd see 200, but, I hoped when I got surgery that I would settle right around there as my bariatric physician said I would. Then, I blew past that. That fear still remains, even though I've succeeded far past the places on the scale that I didn’t think I could ever get to.

I've decided today that I'm going to go for broke. My new goal is 159, one pound into a 'normal' BMI.

Not because I'm unhappy with my body. Not because I think I'm still fat.

Because that fear is still there, and today I'm taking hold of it and saying No. I'm not going to let it control me any more. I'm saying today that I Can, and I refuse to be afraid of "I can't" anymore.

When I think of all of the times I've been afraid of failure and how it's held me back, I want to scream in frustration, ball my fists, and lash back at the stupidity. My life would be so much different if I didn’t have that fear (which is saying a lot, considering I lead a very adventurous life -- no one would ever know my internal struggle).

But, this is it. I’m seizing control today. I’m going to proceed on and hit that goal of 159 without any ifs, ands, or buts. This is it, this is my life. Not the life of my fear. That fear doesn’t have place with me any more, simply because I say so.

Edited by Ruth1ess

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jacque2250    46

jacque2250
Posted (edited)

Wow! What a testimony! I wish you much success and feel that without a doubt YOU wili get to 159!

Edited by jacque2250

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Healthy_life2    8,330

Healthy_life2
Posted

@@Ruth1ess

You have done amazing. I love your attitude. Get what you want out of your surgery.

You are Fearless!!!!

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Ruth1ess    494

Ruth1ess
Posted

Thanks.

I'm feeling fierce tonight. And a little angry. I'm not even close to being done yet!

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Noneyo    171

Noneyo
Posted

Yes girl! YOU WILL DO THIS! :D Thank you for the inspirational post.

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KristenVSG2014    1,872

KristenVSG2014
Posted

Funny because my original goal weight was 180 because I couldn't imagine being smaller than that but my doctor told me to shoot for 160 so I would no longer be overweight. I hit the goal in 1 year and 3 months.

Stay fierce and focused and you can do anything!!

HW 290+/SW 261/GW 160/CW 159

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Ruth1ess    494

Ruth1ess
Posted

@@KristenVSG2014 And our stats are so close!! Thank you for sharing!

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Go To Topic Listing Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story

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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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      bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
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