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They just don't get it!



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There is a girl in my circle of friends that is having VSG for her Pcos. Her surgery is Friday, today several of the girls were making the "she's taking the easy way out " comments. I'm having mine in Jan or Feb, I've been doing lots of research and watching videos, I'm as prepared as i can be. I just kept my mouth shut, i wanted to tell them I'm doing it too and there is nothing easy about it! I don't think I'm going to tell anyone because people are so ugly. I'm ready though! I turned 50in May, I'm at 309 now, high bp, high cholesterol, bad knees, bad feet, back, headaches, apnea, and 2 preteen boys. I'm looking forward to a whole new lifestyle!

50 year old me!!

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I suffer from fibromyalgia too..Im 35 years old and I had my surgery on Nov. 8th this year and Im down 33 pounds from 229 to 196 in 5 weeks...and I feel the diffrence already..I know its not a cure..but it helps with the pain intensity...hope everything goes good for you!

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Just stop talking to them about it! Alot of my family and friends say the same things but I totally agree with you in want to LIVE and be happy...I do not have all the medical problems but I'm over 100 over weight..I don't want to wake up one day to find out I have these problems my husband is ok with it although my anxiety of waiting to get my date I'm getting on his nerves and my dad had gastric bypass 10 years ago so he said go for it because his only regret it not doing it sooner (younger) I've always been big...I've dieter went to the gym ...I've like to work out makes me feel good I just can't get the wait off for a million reasons...be proud be excited don't let them ruin it!

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We are here for you!!!! Everyone does not get it.. My family got together for anything and food was always the focal point...I was always the heavy sibling and thought i was comfortable with it but never talked about my weight to anyone because it was okay... for them... 20yr struggle and 3 yrs research I decided to take this journey... I spoke about it on occasion to a couple family members and friends and negative city started..oh my gosh :wacko: ... So i stopped talking about it and started talking to God and my doctors (surgeon team and PCP). My health was becoming an issue and Feb.16th I started the insurance requirements and Nov 9th was my date and I have NO REGRETS!!!! You have to make this life journey for you (won't be easy and you will have stalls but your determination..yes I'm claiming it...your determination will win) and they will come around...if not...look in the mirror and say ..YOU GO GIRL !!!!!! I GOT THIS!!!! :D Good Luck !!!!!!!

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My husband doesn't support my idea of having the surgery. He thinks I can diet & exercise 80-90# off. I had lost 60# with medication a few years ago & gained it all back when they took me off the meds. He is overweight too & buys & eats chips, Snacks, soda, etc for nightly snack with the kids. I'm afraid he will sabotage me. Me consult is tomorrow & he doesn't know I scheduled it. I'm trying to figure out a way to tell him, but I know he's gonna get mad.

I have an older friend who had gastric bypass about 15 yrs ago, she is supportive. Her husband was kind of the same way. I just want to feel healthy, not like an exhausted lump all the time.

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Just had my surgery 12 hrs ago. I checked in at 11 am as I was asked. My doctor didn't arrive to take me back till 2 pm. Gave plenty of time to stress out. On the other side now and feeling grateful I did it. Raymia and all you wonderful people thanks for your support I so appreciate it. Time to tackle those that are judgmental. The way I see it I did what was right for me. My general care & bariatric doctor were on board. They know my struggles and how my future looked if I didn't get it. I've decided that's all that matters. The rest are probably just jealous. This is not an easy way out! So glad I found this group. We can do this, I am here to support all of you in your fight for health.

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@Michelle6: how are you doing since your surgery?

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So in the beginning my husband was hesitant about being on board with me having the surgery. But after meeting with my surgeon he felt better about it. My mom was on board my father not so much. But the one thing my sisters, cousins and friends all keep saying the same thing. " You don't need surgery. You are not that big. You just need Will Power" blah blah blah...

I have a BMI of 39, hbp, sleep apnea, PCOS, rheumatoid arthritis in my lower back from my surgeries (2 to be exact) and of course Fibromyalgia! I just turned 40 years old!!! I have a family history of diabetes and obesity....

Trying to explain to them that doctors don't just perform the surgery because I want to wear T shirts to show off my belly button, if it's even still there! Or that insurance companies don't pay thousands of dollars just so I can find out where my thong ran off too back in 2002! Lol

This is real and I'm tired of hurting, tired of the excuses of not going out because I'm exhausted....tired of living without existing.

Yes the surgery scares me but so is my husband waking me up in the middle of the night because I stopped breathing.

So a part of me wants to just stop sharing my Feb 1st surgery date and just tell people post surgery when they ask me how I lost the weight that I just kept my New Year Resolution and avoided negativity! Lol

I wish you all the best and please share your concerns from family and friends and how you overcame it....thank you!!

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I knew some folks wouldn't see it the same way I did so I only told a few folks. Kept that drama to a minimum until AFTER sleeve date. Not everyone understands the struggle...and some do & just wanna see how you come out & then next year "Giiirrrl....u know I had to get it done too!" Lol! Keep up the good fight

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oh wow - our stories are very similar! I too am 39 BMI, 41 years old, I have sleep apnea and fibromyalgia.

I'm with you 100% - not everyone gets it. For that reason, like you, I haven't told anybody. Initially I told my mom and my sister. I didn't tell my Naysayer boyfriend until I received the approval from the insurance company. I didn't want to my journey surrounded by any negativity. I made the mistake of telling a friend and she said "ohhh nooo, but you don't need that. I never thought would take the easy way out". I almost lost it. I made it a point to educate her on how NOT easy this process is for us and like you said, we are doing it because we need it, not to sport the Daisy Duke's at the next family barbeque!

My surgery is scheduled for 12/21/16 and so far, just my immediate family knows along with 2 or 3 coworkers. While it's not a "secrete" per say, I don't want to have to educate people on why I am doing this.

When is your surgery scheduled for?

How was your surgery? Mine is set up for 2/6 but I told them I may want the Gastric bypass over the sleeve. So I'm not sure how.

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@@danithomas what made you want to change from sleeve to bypassif you don't mind me asking?

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    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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