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Telling family/friends?

MichaelaRae

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MichaelaRae    9

MichaelaRae
Posted

I know I should be able to handle this myself, but I'm scared and everyone here seems to be so supportive I just want to know. How do you go about telling your family and friends? My mother, father, and boyfriend know. They've been incredibly supportive even in this early stage. I've literally just started the process, having gone to a seminar, referral from my PCP, consult with my surgeon, upper GI, and ultrasound for my gallbladder. I have a while to go before the surgery. But I'm worried about telling other family members and friends. I feel like I could get my feelings hurt by those who think they know better/don't understand, and I'm tempted not to tell anyone besides those that already know. Any advice?

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princess77    16

princess77
Posted

Personally if your not comfortable telling them then don't. My husband and I both got lap bands 5 years ago and the only ones who know are immediate family.

I felt that they would say it's the easy was out. With out them actually knowing it's just a tool and we are actually doing the work. I felt the same as you and we choose not to say anything.

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MichaelaRae    9

MichaelaRae
Posted

I think I'm at the point where I've gotten a lot of negativity for my weight from various people in my life, and I want to be free of people's opinions and just go on with my life and my goal to be at a healthy weight. Thanks for the advice, it helps to know that others have overcome these challenges.

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princess77    16

princess77
Posted

Exactly. I have also witnessed it first hand. My cousin had the sleeve and other family would talk about her in a negative way about getting it done. I would try to explain it to them how it works but they never wanted to listen.

I feel bad for her knowing we did also and she doesn't know but we have enough stress in life and don't need to add more.

If you choose later on that's fine too. I did tell a close friend later on.

Best of luck to you.

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BettyG    75

BettyG
Posted

I really wrestled with this too. I told my immediate family, but not my extended family or friends. It's a bit of a process to explain to people who don't get it. And I am well aware of the misperceptions about bariatric surgery as I used to hold some myself long ago (*blush*). My only experience for a long time was negative comments from people.

For those around me who will discover that I had major abdominal surgery that I am recovering from...I might choose to just say "I had a hernia repaired" (which is true, my hiatal hernia will be fixed as part of my rny).

I am not trying to hide my surgery, per se. Just be selective about who I tell and when. I need supportive people right now.

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Luce587    48

Luce587
Posted

I'm keeping my revision from band to sleeve a secret from everyone except my husband and immediate family.

Only my best friends and family knew about my band, and most of them didn't really understand, that's why my sleeve is remaining hush hush.

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Rachel412    116

Rachel412
Posted

I'm keeping my revision from band to sleeve a secret from everyone except my husband and immediate family.

Only my best friends and family knew about my band, and most of them didn't really understand, that's why my sleeve is remaining hush hush.

This is exactly what I've done with my revision from sleeve to bypass. I only told close family and a few friends about the band... word got around anyway. This time the ONLY people who know about the bypass are my husband and best friend. Those who knew about the band... I told them it caused internal damage and I had it removed, and surgically repairing that damage is why I'm on a restricted diet.

People think WLS surgery is cheating. All the weight I lost with the band was MY work. The band never did anything for me. So I'm taking full credit this time.

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hdw85    48

hdw85
Posted

When I started my 6 months pre op diet and all my testing I didn't tell anyone except my immediate family.. after I got my approval I told most of my family, then I told the girls at work.. most people I talk to on a regular basis know, and have been supportive. I figured that if they don't support it or like it then they can think whatever they would like, it was my choice and I am happy with it! Good luck

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Hammer_Down    631

Hammer_Down
Posted

My wife and I both had surgery. We told her parents before travelling to Tijuana and it went ok. They knew we did our homework and were mostly just worried about us having surgery so far from home.

I Knew my parents (mom, really) would be worried sick and not especially supportive of having an elective surgery. I called them the night we got home and told them that it wasn't just an anniversary vacation in Tijuana, but that we'd had surgery. Lots of questions, which I did my best to answer. Mom confirmed that she happy I hadn't told her ahead of time as she wouldn't have slept for a week.

Other than 1 of my friends, no one else knows. The friend who knows was the person who first got me thinking about bariatric surgery, as she was planning to get it done. Now, I seldom hear from her and she's totally reversed her position on the surgery. The last few times we'be texted, anytime my weight loss comes up she ghosts me and disappears for a few weeks.

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Stephanielp    120

Stephanielp
Posted

At first I wanted to keep it hush because even my old primary care dr said it was an aweful idea but I've decided now I will not worry or care what others thing I'm getting the gastric sleeve for my health and happiness not theres

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nucqne    0

nucqne
Posted

I'm not telling anyone but my husband. I have done my research on this and I don't want anyone's negative two cents. Maybe a year out I'll tell them.

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Go To Topic Listing Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story

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    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
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    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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