Help, my Daughter doesn't want me to have lapband surgery

[jeanne352 0]

Hi all, I've been reading on this site for awhile, so I finally decided to post. I have my Drs appt on Sept 26, and have decided with my husband that this is for me. At 52 and BMI of 45, and many comorbidities, I am ready for, qualify, and my insurance will pay. My problem is, my 33 yr old daughter is agaist it, and has made a date to discuss this with me and my husband on Friday. She thinks I can do it on my own. Of course she is a size 3. I have lost over 100 lb several times in the past, but have always gained it back, plus some, so at this age I just can't do that again. Any suggestions on a good approach to make her understand it's more dangerous to stay in this yo yo pattern than to have a 1/2 hr sugery and getting my life back? Any help would be appriciated. :help:

[GR8 1]

I would ask her to do some research with you and to please look at this from your shoes - and layout your medical and health concerns.

I recommend that she reads the book "Lap-Band For Life" The Complete Patient Guide to Success with the Lap Band!

This surgery is NOT for everyone -- as I am sure your doctor's seminar also explained -- this is no miracle - still takes a lot of HARD work and DETERMINATION.

I wish you the very BEST in this journey!

[Alfie 58]

Hey thanks GR8,

I saw your suggestion and just ordered this book from Amazon.com.< /p>

Regards,

Alfie

[anonemouse 1]

Do what GR8 suggests, and if she still doesn't come around, tell her, "I'm sorry that you don't approve, but this is my body and my life. You've told me your concerns, now respect my decision."

[FloridaFlorid 0]

I can't think of better advice than GR8's. Stay strong, you have come this far in the process. Whish you MUCH success :confused:

[rwel4 0]

You said it your self " ive lost over 100lbs several times" keeping it off is the hard part, exactly what you said was what made me make my decision to get the l/b i know from all the times i had lost weight that i cannot keep it off and im only getting older.

[jeanne352 0]

Thanks so much for the support. I will get that book, and I guess I just needed some advice from people who understand to feel comfident that I am doing the right thing. Your right, she doesn't walk in my shoes. God Bless you all!!

[babs0101 1]

I've had a few people tell me they did not want me to get the surgery too. They all say you can do it without the surgery. Just lose it and keep doing what you are doing to keep it off. Oh sounds so simple. But I know and you know that is eaiser said than done. I too can lose the weight, but keeping it off is another story. So I too understand and sympathize with your situation. But tell your daughter if you don't do this, you won't have the healthy long life you are entitled too.

By the way.......I just went to Amazon.com and ordered the book too!

Good luck and stay strong! Remember, you are doing this for YOU.

[elizelder 0]

I will be setting my date for surgery on Friday with my doctor. My doctor says it is 10% surgery and 90% you. My family says if you have to do the work anyway why dont you just do the work without the surgery. I have a hard time coming up with an answer to this...I know it will be a tool to help me but I am afraid of failing even with the surgery. What if I have the surgery and I still fail. Did anyone else have this fear? I feel like it is the answer that I need and I do understand that it will be hard work. I feel that it will force me to do the right thing.

Jeanne - I too have lost weight before and regained it...will you please share with me how you think that lapband surgery will make it different...I think hearing it from someone else will reassure me. Thanks!!!

[ssankofa73 2]

A couple of years ago a good friend and my sister talked me out of having Lapband surgery. I lost 40lbs shortly after they talked me out of it and guess what? I put 30 of those pounds back on 2 years later. I did my own extensive research did the counseling that went with it and decided that although they care for me, my sister and friend do not know my aches and pains or how it feels to have been overweight for almost my entire life. During your "meeting" with your daughter, let her know that you love her just as much, if not more, than she loves you. Let her know that you respect her opinion but this decision is not up for debate and you are looking forward to your new life after the band.... then end the conversation.

Good Luck!

[TheGh0st 9]

For me at nearly 40 years old it was my mother that was the most vocal critic though many people in my family were against it. They all thought I could just buckle down and do it myself like all the other times I had (then gained it back). They thought it was just laziness and a lack of will power and that sugery was some sort of cop out.

My mom cried, begged, offered to pay for other things like (fat camps, hypnosis, Jenny Craig...) for her what it really boiled down to was she was scared of complications from the surgery. She still saw this as a dangerous procedure like RNY and was convinced I could die from it. I showed her several studies done on the band and invited her to come to one of the seminars as well as a support group meeting. She was never willing to give me her full "blessing" before the surgery but now 2 years out she is so proud of what I have accomplished and has actually had several friends and co-workers of her call me for advice on how to start the process of getting thier own bands.

My advice - bring her to a seminar, take her to a local support group meeting where she can see and talk to people who are already banded, find the case studies that have been done for her to read. But in the end, tell her you lover her but that you need to do what you know is right for you.

[make33 2]

Jeanne, when I first told my family, friends, and coworkers 7 months ago that I was beginning the process for banding, I got wonderful reception from my family and friends--very supportive.

However, my coworkers are a different matter altogether! As others have stated happened to them, all four girls (who are thin/average) tell me constantly that all I have to do is to lose it on my own--which we all know is temporary at best. It's tough, but they cannot deter me--as was said, we are the ones living in these bodies!

We all know this is the best opportunity we have to lengthen our life and enhance the quality of it to boot! Your husband's support is crucial--everyone else's will have to come in time...

(I've been approved and see the surgeon on Sept 24th to schedule a date--whoopee!!!)

[LoserWannaB 0]

i would do everything that's been suggested... wonderful suggestions!

and i would also take her with me to my appts. esp. to see the Dr.

your daughter needs to understand that your quality of life is compromised...

sure anyone can lose weight... that's not the point... keeping it off is what is hard and having the tool of the lapband to do so is a God send!

you have everything lined up: your hubby agrees, your insurance agrees, your dr. and YOU.

by the way, i'm 51 my son is 33 and i had my lapband last thursday.

i feel like a million bucks already. i am so happy that i did it cuz i chickened out in 2004 and just gained even more weight.

now i'm having an excellent adventure, and it's only been 6 days!

:clap2::biggrin1::bored:whoo:

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Do what GR8 suggests, and if she still doesn't come around, tell her, "I'm sorry that you don't approve, but this is my body and my life. You've told me your concerns, now respect my decision."

I agree with Lauren, in the end you are doing this for you and not anyone else, and that is the best reason of all!

[girlinnyc 0]

have your daughter come to the dr's seminar with you--if possible. This surgery has changed my life. Although i haven't lost THAT much since January (40 lbs--but i'm only 5'2")--it has made a huge difference in the way i feel about myself, and how i deal with food. i am so much less interested in food and eating--than i was before. AND--i'm NOT HUNGRY!!! i'm so glad i had this surgery--it's been a lifesaver. i look better too! and that is important in my job (even though there is "no discrimination" --ha--when you're heavier--you're discounted as "stupid"--which i'm not). i'm 2, going on 3, sizes down in clothes--and it makes a BIG DIFFERENCE.

your daughter should not be the one who decides what you do. as long as you have found a really experienced surgeon and you have a good, thorough medical workup before surgery, the risk for this surgery is VERY LOW.

write anytime!

girlinnyc