VET'S FORUM. What the %^&* is going on around here?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

We have all these newbies coming in with questions/statements that make me wonder if they ever sat down with a NUT, their surgeon or if they were given any type of pre-op training.

Is it OK to eat pizza/tacos/fried chicken? Is ice cream soft? How about milk shakes? I ate swedish fish/noodles/rice a few days post op. I am eating french fries and chicken nuggets, but it's ok because I'm ok so everyone else will be too. I want it so I ate it and I am going to get mad an anyone and everyone who tells me it wasn't a good idea.

Anyone who disagrees is mean, rude, sarcastic, judgmental, non supportive, a bully, horrible, rotten, a monster. I get that this backlash is a defense mechanism because they know deep down that they are wrong but it still sucks to watch this downward spiral that is happening here.

It's not great advice to chew and spit. It's not great advice to move along with your food stages because (you think) your body is telling you that it's OK. (Your body does NOT know best or you wouldn't be in this spot in the first place.)

Vets should leave because all the above advice and pandering and coddling is MUCH better than real, honest, truthful, experienced answers.

It's a freaking $h!tstorm out there the last few weeks. Seriously.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@LipstickLady sez "%^&." Spell that.

Someone wrote in one of the recent flying fish-fry topics that it's a wonder that some people pass the psych evaluation. I wrote the same a while back, but more to the point, that some IQ and reading comprehension testing might be better indicators. The resistance and tantrums are frustrating to vets and others who have a grasp of reality. Magic-seeking seems to be an organized sport. WLS and life overall have always been this way and will remain so. Ain't much to be done about it. That's why it's necessary to walk away from time to time. At least regroup and re-energize before the next attempt to help.

Rx: Fresh air.

Edited October 16, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[B-52 7,113]

Fat people are masters at "Self Denial" and "rationalization"

I can say this from personal experience....I could suppress the truth and reality so far down in my mind it didn't exist.

The fact I am only 5'8" and had to buy my clothes from a "Big and Tall" clothing store. The only pants I could buy had to have the elastic waistband.

I wouldn't look in the mirror, and it got to the point I would not step on the scale...ever!

The examples go on...

I currently have friends today, that if I suggest they join the gym I better duck!

As far as Rationalization, I have been on more diets anyone can imagine, including medical supervised diets...I failed miserably at everyone...why? I would rationalize...

I can have this little piece of cake, a little won't hurt, right?

I know I'm on a strict diet, but if I have this one good meal, I can fast tommarow...but then tomorrow I'm rationalizing something else, again. And before you know it, the whole thing goes down the tubes and I'm back to my old self.

I smoked 2 pack of cigarettes a day for over 35 years...same thing....can't tell you how many times I quit. I would buy a pack, smoke one cigarette and throw the pack out the car widow...crazy, right? Pretty soon I would realize how stupid (and expensive) that was and would just start smoking full force again.

I believe what you are seeing on this forum, are new people who even though they have had surgery, they still have that old mentality that they can do things and rationalize it away, and then be in denial about it.

They post these questions hoping someone will tell them it's fine, everything is going to be Ok.

But when confronted with the truth....well, I remember when someone would call me out...

It can be just as bad as confronting a high functioning alcoholic...can get nasty

The fact is, to loose weight or change oneself in any way, you have to be confronted with the truth.

Weight loss surgery is not a game...it's not a gimmick, a fad diet....it is major surgery designed to change and alter your life.

You're right, I don't know how some get past the psych eval... but they need to be confronted

[BigViffer 3,545]

Honestly, it's why I have just not been active. There are so many people who are attention whores, drama king/queen, or outright arseholes that I just don't feel the need to help anyone. I'd go as far as saying that I actually want some of these people to fail very publicly.

The blatantly stupid post and questions often have me scratching my head. There is no way they could have had the surgery and not been told some of these things. More likely they were just sitting in the office daydreaming about ways to eat around the surgery before ever having it.

The only thing keeping me here is the Guy's Room. I don't know any men that have had gastric surgery and this is the only place that I can ask IF I eventually have a question I can't get answered on my own or from my surgeon.

Don't try and save anyone @@LipstickLady, most likely they aren't worth the effort.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@B-52 - I think the only difference between us is I by God's grace made the changes you did earlier just a few years younger than you. But I still struggle. I realized a few months ago that I was drinking too much, and had to really work to stop it. I'm now noticing I'm not exercising like I should and making the changes and decided to push myself to do a 10K instead of the 5K race I was planning in a couple of months. Often it's the chuckleheads that pop up on this list that actually make me go, "ick, I think I need to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing."

But yeah, most of the time I shake my head and want to yell "damn kids, get off my lawn."

[Babbs 14,681]

I had one PM me about being 'rude' to her after an "I'm hungry 5 days out from surgery tell me what I can eat AND ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS" post and proceeded to tell me she was too busy worrying about passing her nicotine test to worry about what her post op diet was. She said she just wanted to "get on with the surgery".

So there ya go. Gives you some idea of the mentality of people. In other words, this will magically work without me doing any of the preparation or having any knowledge about what I need to do.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Don't try and save anyone @@LipstickLady, most likely they aren't worth the effort.

SOMEONE OUT THERE IS WORTH THE EFFORT!! By gawd, please... I should have been a man. I am a FIXER.

[erp 2,016]

Honestly, I usually don't reply. I do amuse myself by reading the threads and all the pre-op people who respond with-- "It's no big deal, you'll be fine" on all the cheating and 'should I eat this' threads. It's like asking the alcoholic if you should have a drink. When I do rarely reply, I simply respond that if they are pre-op they should postpone surgery. If they are post-op then I tell them they should want more for themselves and that french fries and chicken nuggets are not worth a complication at 5 days out and leave it at that. Somehow and I don't know how, I have yet to called a bully or sent a PM to that effect after over 4 years on here.

Lipstick lady, I think I recently read a thread where you and Babbs tried to tell someone they were effing the whole thing up and the thread just deteriorated from there. My favorite reply was you telling the pre-ops and newly sleeved something to the effect that they were right and you were wrong and you would just walk away in your size 8 skinny jeans. I guess I just figure that those folks choose to be a statistic, the percentage of people for whom WLS "didn't work".

[Julie norton 2,850]

I'm really liking this for some odd reason. Magic indeed! That old Protein, Water and exercise magic.... Repeat for years.... Magic!

[FrankyG 1,450]

I'm kind of over trying to help any more of the posts along the "I ate something really fatty/sugary/solids" or "Gee, is smoking really bad?" variety. So much anger and pissy responses because I didn't pat them on the head and tell them it was just fine and no, you special little snowflake you, it isn't a bad idea to do whatever the hell you want just cause you are craving it or uncomfortable denying yourself. SMDH.

I had surgery to be healthy, which included me admitting that I ignored or tried to downplay the stupid @#! I did, and putting an end to all of it (overeating, binging, poor eating habits in general, lack of good exercise/smoking). This was the most difficult thing I think I've ever done in my life, but I did it and it seems like the dumbest thing I would ever do if I were to go back to any of those habits and destroy everything I've worked so, so hard to accomplish.

I guess a portion of folks out there are would rather live with their delusions and pretend their poor habits won't result in regain/sickness/addictions. Just have to realize that some people are violently in denial about how messed up they are and don't want real help - just a magic potion or something that will let them continue their unhealthy habits without consequences.

I do admire y'all that still fight to cut through the BS if only to keep the misinformation down for the ones that read here and don't post. I just don't have it in me any more.

Edited November 4, 2016 by FrankiesGirl

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

People need to take self accountability and not ask enablers to validate their poor behaviors.

I need to lose some more weight and have fallen back into some old bad behaviors, but I take full responsibility for my actions, regardless of what the stresses may be; recently they have been quite significant.

I like to paraphrase and modify what Harry Truman said: "The fork stops here". As in, I ultimately control what food I eat.

Bottom line, everyone should have been briefed on the basics of pre/post bariatric surgery lifestyle changes. If someone is not sure, they can easily research the information from reputable.sources on theinternet or ask their doctors and nurses.

Unfortunately enablers and people validating their bad or dangerous behaviors can appear to some of the readers as acceptable.

We can't save the world, but we can help people who want to be helped.

[gowalking 10,790]

I too, rarely respond to posts anymore. I'm too far out from newbies and I let others take the lead on questions posed. What I do try to do is give hope to those who feel hopeless. If I can accomplish that, it's enough. All I know is when I read old posts now and again, I get sad because so many of the people who were here when I started and even during my weight loss journey are simply gone now.

I can't help but wonder where they are as they were so important to me as I was going through everything. I hope they are all well and happy and have just moved on...but there was a time when I had really good virtual friends here and not many are left now...

Sorry for the sad post...

[mi75 1,241]

The threads I've been reading are mostly the reason that I only post HERE (vet's forum) and in the Regain forum. All the others I don't really spent too much time in, but once in a while I will respond to some question about pre-op diet or exercise...I've really noticed a huge difference in the forums overall since I had surgery 2 years ago. It seems that MOST of the people that were posting back then are gone. There are still some (like y'all) still here and I'm so grateful. I'm coming down from a terrible re-gain cliff and working hard to get back on track.

yes, I have to agree. I wonder if the insurance reforms that have happened in the past couple years have loosened the requirements for some states/insurance companies? Maybe these folks have different requirements than we did, and possibly WAY fewer requirements such as psych, nut etc???

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM.....

[Julie norton 2,850]

It is nice to see familiar names and faces. Glad some die hards stick around. I don't know if people leave because they fail their program. Or just move on?! I'm suspecting some of both

We are all trying to be healthy I think. We just have different ways.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I think a lot of people leave because they are tired of being bashed by the newbies when they are sincerely trying to help. Then, there were a few messages from staff that also sort of championed the attitude that the vets were the issue here so MANY of them left immediately after those posts were written.

I am too freaking stubborn, but I will admit, it does get old.