Partners Jealousy

[GACaldwell 112]

Hi All!

I was sleeved on July 25th 2016..so far I'm down about 29lbs (It's fluctuating right now due to travel/food choices). I've struggled with my eight all my life..and it took me a while to get to the point of deciding to have this surgery. Meanwhile, my partner of 6.5 years struggles with weight loss too and he's (He's trans..non-operative, Female bodied, Male identified) doing a weight loss program through Quick Weight Loss Centers. I do my best to support his choice though I honestly don't think the diet is viable long term.

The problem is he is SUPER competitive. So when I dropped 25 lbs in the first month he got really jealous and makes comments about how I'm going to "Breeze past him" on the weight loss scale. I tell him all the time it's NOT a competition but it doesn't seem to help. It's to the point that I don't really share with him any weight loss I have, or I'm tentative about it based on his weight loss/feelings. He's seen the drawbacks..the nausea, the not being able to eat full meals etc. But he still gets jealous of what he considers to be "easy".,..needless to say the whole "easy" thing gets me.

Anyone have experience with your partners reactions to your weight loss or dealing with jealousy with it?

[KristenLe 5,980]

@@GACaldwell It's not uncommon to have some sort of jealousy and/or insecurity. It's not fair to you - you should be able to Celebrate your loss and he should be proud of you (and happy!). Surgery is by far not "EASY" - and it's hard to believe a partner doesn't realize that. I'm only on Day 2 of my pre-op diet and my SO already knows how difficult this is. Why don't you talk to him about eating similar to how you are eating (high Protein, low carb) and he'll probably lose weight right along with you. Talk to him - be honest about your feelings and how you really need his support and not snarky comments.

[dianemar 45]

I had to see a psychologist before surgery and we had some good discussions about family and their input and ideas about how supportive they would be. I would be in contact with a support group and not depend too much on your partners support. Do what you have to do to be healthy and move forwards.

[GACaldwell 112]

Thanks @@KristenLe! I have talked to him but the jealousy seems to be an ongoing problem. We're working on it. For now I just say things like "The scale went down this week" and don't focus on it with him. I have other support systems as I have another partner who is supportive.

@@dianemar Unfortunately, that's not really an option for me. I had surgery in Mexico (I'm in AL) so my support team is only accessible my email or phone.

[sleeved_fit_diva 24]

Jealousy is an attribute that is common to all human. Sometimes you might have to search deeper to see what the underline problem is, instead of looking at the surface problem. It is very common that your love one fear being abandoned after the weight your weight loss. It one thing when u struggle together, it becomes a different struggle when changes are happening for you and they are still in the same place. You have to find ways to reassure them that u are not going any where and u are happy with them. I know my husband use to make reference to people who loss the weight and left their spouse. I always explain that these people were not happy when that individual was over weight. find ways to bring him into your weight loss world with eating, exercising, support group, etc...

Sent from my KIW-L24 using the BariatricPal App

[GACaldwell 112]

Good point @@sleeved_fit_diva! He's always been one to need reassurance...It's just part of his nature (Cancer! and it doesn't bother me to give it. I'm definitely not going anywhere! 6.5 years in, he's stuck with me through thick and thin!

LOL

[dianemar 45]

@GACaldwell Do look up bariatric support groups in your area, that may be an option.