Help! My Family Is Against My Weight Loss Surgery!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

What if even your spouse is against the WLS from the beginning?

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Sorry I didn't put much information about myself to the above question.

Hello, I'm 37 years young, mother of 3 beautiful children. My Bmi is 43 right now, it often fluctuates between 40-43 depending on my weight gain or loss. I'm an active mother, wife, worker, and very healthy young woman to say the least. However, I'm sick and tired of the yo-yo dieting. I've taken diet supplements along with injection (and I'm scared to death of needles- but did them anyway) for years I know since 2013, I've been on a strick diet plan for over a year and lost only 7lbs from 250lbs of weight I already had on my 5'4" body frame. At weigh in just the other day and was back up 243lbs. So all that being said....... I'm more then ready, to use this WLS as an added tool to stay healthy and fit. But I just can't get the one person I felt that would understand, to understand!!!!! I love my life but I know that I have to do this for ME and I don't want it to seem as if I'm being selfish and not considering his concern for me..... I've had 3 c-section do to my children and those are the only surgeries I've every had & all went extremely well by the time we had our 3rd child I was up walking around on my own the very next day, the nursing staff didn't like that but I told them "I can't take you guys home with me, so I have to do this on my own, you all just supervise me cause I don't want anyone getting fired because I wouldn't let you hold my hand!" They understand and just simply walked behind me as I walked the halls of the hospital... so when, I'm determined I'm determined!!!!! Mind over matter!!!!

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Our stats are right on and I was about the same age as you when I had my surgery. Here is my story:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/308645-i-was-a-super-healthy-fat-person-until-surgery-changed-my-life-was-it-worth-it/page-15?hl=%2Bwas+%2Bsuper+%2Bhealthy#entry4274115

And if my husband was against it? Not my problem. He'd have to figure that out on his own. I'd listen to his concerns, I'd direct him to appropriate research and I'd let him take it from there. I love him but I don't LIVE for him. He is a huge and important part of my world but he is not my world in it's entirety. Big diff.

[KristenLe 5,980]

@@FitnessMyWay What are your husband's concerns? Have you really told him how you feel and why you want this surgery? Although you are healthy now - it is likely that remaining obese will soon result in comorbidities. Explain that to him and that you want to get your weight under control before you develop other health problems or ruin your joints, spine, etc. Although you certainly don't need his support - it will make things easier. This is a very emotional journey.

[Gary Bentz 102]

I work in a high school and one of then inspirational posters says "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind".

[FitnessMyWay 10]

@@FitnessMyWay What are your husband's concerns? Have you really told him how you feel and why you want this surgery? Although you are healthy now - it is likely that remaining obese will soon result in comorbidities. Explain that to him and that you want to get your weight under control before you develop other health problems or ruin your joints, spine, etc. Although you certainly don't need his support - it will make things easier. This is a very emotional journey.

I'm not totally sure other then the "seeing me be cut on again", is all he has ever told me.

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[FitnessMyWay 10]

I work in a high school and one of then inspirational posters says "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind".

This is So crazy because this very statement is what plays in my head daily. It's not about anyone but me, wanting to live a healthy lifestyle and make some more positive changes in my life!!! Thank you for sharing!

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[Gary Bentz 102]

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[Didjit 44]

My husband works in the OR at a top Hospital. He's against me having the surgery because he sees a lot of return patients who are getting revisions after having gained back the weight, and he doesn't think I have the discipline to stick with the plan. This last part is hard to hear. I feel like I do, and that in the past I have stuck with "the plan", but that "the plan" wasn't enough for me -- that I would need "the extreme plan". And I did stick to "the extreme plan" for most of a decade, but I can't maintain that intensity anymore. I feel like my stomach is too big and too loud for the amounts I should be consuming, and that WLS would correct that. Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever get my husband away from thinking "if only you had enough will power" and that WLS is cheating or avoiding personal responsibility.

[sk101 67]

There are so many people against this kind of surgery......... Usually people who have never had a weight issue to deal with.....

Only one person knew I was having this done. None of my friends or family are even aware that I went in to hospital for 3 nights and took two weeks off after. They would have all been against it. I feel no guilt or regret for keeping it from them. It was my decision and it is my life that is improving

[Vinasu 621]

I told four people: mom, sister, brother, and husband.

My husband was great. He said he knew how unhappy my weight made me, and he just wanted me to happy.

Brother said he didn't approve, but it's my life, my body. Then he never brought it up again.

Mom had an employee who had RNY, lost 200 lbs, ended up a size 16 and suffers from anemia. Mom said, 'Don't do it! You'll still be fat, and you'll be sick on top of it!" But she dropped it and never brought it up again.

Sister, though, really hurt me. She was furious. She refused to even speak with me for two months after surgery, and to this day our relationship isn't the same. She makes mean comments to me, excludes me, and avoids me. She used to be my best friend.

I wouldn't change anything about getting the surgery, though. I am so much happier, even with losing that relationship.

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[Corey Coffey 12]

how do we deal with loosing those close relationships, like siblings and family? all because we decide to do something about our weight once and for all? What are we suppose to do stay morbid obese just for them? And then if we manage to take the weight all down and keep it off, how do we deal with the loss of those once relationships esp. blood like siblings?

[Newme17 3,444]

My sister had a bypass done some years ago. Lost all the weight and gained it all back and then some. She's the biggest she's ever been these days, BUT she also has a lot of mental issues and addictions that she never really got help for that led her weight gain. For this reason alone, I haven't told most of my family because they'll automatically associate my decision with hers. We are not even close to being alike in any way, shape, or form.

I told my husband, he supports me. He wants me to be happier about my health/weight and tells me all the time to do what I feel like I need to do, no matter the costs, etc. I also suspect that he wants me to be the "hot" again. LOL My youngest brother had concerns, "why don't you just eat better?" I quickly told him to educate himself on bariatric surgery before he slams my decision. Two days later he texts me and says he will be here for me for whatever decision I make. And my sister in law to whom I'm very close to says she's a supporter. I have told some friends and they're on board (but I don't need nor care if they approve or not). I think overall, the only person I need approval from is my husband. That's all that matters to me.

[Freeb 25]

This hits home because just last Saturday, my daughter cried and begged me not to make a decision now. She thinks we can try again with mainstream weight loss endeavors...while I see her point, I know what I've been through over the years. She is so afraid I'm going to die, either on the table or from a post-op complication, she refuses to listen anymore.

This makes me sad because I told her I'd try again for her. But in reality, now I'm pushing ahead with plans of the surgery behind her back. She doesn't realize that in a year, she will be moving out. I'm alone and I want to move forward with my life. I've already made huge changes and my weight is the last thing holding me back. I'm 42 years old. I WANT TO LIVE!

I realize dieting with her will help. But I know where my weight plateau will be--it will be still considerably overweight, but will put me low enough that I will not be accepted for this surgery. I didn't come to this decision lightly and have been researching for two years! Now that I've made the decision to do it, I don't think a lack of support will hold me back. I'll just have to work harder to prove that the decision I made was the right one for me and that it will have a happy ending.

When I had surgery in 2003 I didn't tell a soul since I knew that everyone (friend's and family!) would try to talk me out of my decision to move forward. I felt guilty about hiding this big secret from them. It was the BEST decision I ever made! Years later most of my family and friend's are pro-WLS since they've seen how it positively changed my life.

I never told a soul about my surgery except my late husband...dating a man now 2 1/2 YEARS and still not telling....its my secret

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[Please 188]

On 2016-10-04 at 5:29 PM, Lori Orr said:

Did they make you take a support person? I've asked two different people if it was required and they both ignore the question!

If I'm able to go by myself, I feel strongly that at 4 days post op I can walk from the car, check in at San Diego airport, fly to Sacramento, and walk to the car of the person who's picking me up. I'm a tough lady! I've been through 3 C-sections, a Tummy Tuck and gallbladder removal. However, this is one thing I've never done, so any input would be greatly appreciated!

I'm going by myself , only my husband knows but he gotta stay with our younger kids.

from Alberta going to OCC Mexico. March 23rd is my big day!

[Please 188]

On 2016-11-04 at 10:39 AM, Didjit said:

My husband works in the OR at a top Hospital. He's against me having the surgery because he sees a lot of return patients who are getting revisions after having gained back the weight, and he doesn't think I have the discipline to stick with the plan. This last part is hard to hear. I feel like I do, and that in the past I have stuck with "the plan", but that "the plan" wasn't enough for me -- that I would need "the extreme plan". And I did stick to "the extreme plan" for most of a decade, but I can't maintain that intensity anymore. I feel like my stomach is too big and too loud for the amounts I should be consuming, and that WLS would correct that. Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever get my husband away from thinking "if only you had enough will power" and that WLS is cheating or avoiding personal responsibility.

I was scared to ask my husband to support this (being a stay at home Mom) I don't have a pay cheque, he wasn't thrilled, but I told him "I'm 60lbs over weight and I gain 5-7 pounds every year, I need to reset and I can't loose 60lbs on my own, I've tried to loose 30, and I'd gain 5, after all said and done. Surprisingly he said "okay, but I don't like the idea , but if you know what your doing and you did your research" he did have a lot of health questions. I'm booked for march 23rd!