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Skin and Sex...

Who'sThere

By Who'sThere, in The Lounge

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paramedic    56

paramedic
Posted

Also on Zoloft so couldn't always finish what was started. So lost interest - and wife and I schedules suck, always running kids around.... A lot of resentment I think - maya get surgery and if things don't get better I may try a new life lol

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Who'sThere    331

Who'sThere
Posted

I can't even fathom sex not being worth the effort. I do understand the pain thing a little. I have an arthritic knee and arthritis and limited range of movement in my hips. My bf and I tinker with positions to help maximize the fun and minimize the pain.

I'm really sorry things aren't better for you in that area.

However, having been on the other side of your situation, I want to ask if the wife is satisfied with no sex? If not, and if you still want to have intimacy and a healthy relationship, please try to do things to please her even if you aren't interested in sex. I told my husband to even fake it if he needed to. At the risk of sounding vulgar, I'll say my lady parts would not know his mouth or hand wasn't in the mood had he just tried.

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Oh, and also married 17 years...only one child, but that's enough to complicate things. Lol

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Who'sThere    331

Who'sThere
Posted

Haha...I have a large selection of lingerie, and it includes a couple of baby dolls. Of course, all those will hopefully be too big before long.

Paramedic, if you enjoyed that, try adoreme.com. lol

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Qwalla    132

Qwalla
Posted

My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

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Qwalla    132

Qwalla
Posted

A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing by back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next dsy about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

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Qwalla    132

Qwalla
Posted

A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing my back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next day about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing by back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next dsy about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

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Qwalla    132

Qwalla
Posted

My thoughts are love is unconditional. Except yourself and like you and hopefully your mate will do the same. As the weight drops, perhaps being able to visit new positions will make up for any loose skin. Just sayin. Wink. Wink.

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

A couple night ago my hubby and I were cuddled up ready to sleep and I could feel him rubbing my back and hips. Kind of like checking out the new transition that is slowly taking place with my body. I didn't say anything then, but asked him the next day about it. He said it was different being able to feel my hip bone without as much cushion. It made my day. Slowly...but surely the transformation happens. It was great before...but even better now!!!!

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

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laceemouse    631

laceemouse
Posted

I guess it's good to keep in mind that if you have always been bigger (a BBW) that he may be attracted to that. Seeing you smaller may be weird to him. Of course true love is unconditional, and if he really LOVES you he should want you to be healthier. But drastic weight loss does often take a toll on relationships, and not just because of loose skin. Communication is key, make sure you discuss all of this beforehand. What type of body he is attracted to may make a difference. Also, his weight and attitudes towards food matter as well.

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Who'sThere    331

Who'sThere
Posted

That's a good point. I asked him when we met if he was attracted to larger women or what. He swears he doesn't really have a type, that he can find any woman attractive depending on attitude. The mother of his boys is small-ish. I don't think me being small will be an issue. We do talk about everything...intensely. Both us us had marraiges that dies due to lack of communication. Also, being long distance, we have to talk about everything because we aren't there to experience it. (We have discussed that the distance is sometimes a blessing because we talk so much--sometimes for hours luke teenagers. Our relationship can't be built on the purely physical because we aren't physically together enough for that.)

I have thought about his attitude about food, and I am very glad that he has a healthy attitude about it. He tries to eat well, and he is normal sized. My husband, on the other hand, has also always been big and I'm not going to say wasn't supportive of my need for a lifestyle change, but he just didn't participate with me. I've dieted before and him have me pick him up a large pizza (my favorite food...all for himself) while he knew I was trying to diet. My boyfriend wouldn't do that. First, he would not eat a whole pizza, but also he would be more sensitive.

I hope I'm overthrowing the skin thing. I just feel like it will be a bigger issue than normal because of the time in between when we get to see each other. People who see each other every day get used to the changes as they occur, but when you don't see someone for 8-10 (or even 12 sometimes!) weeks at a time, it might be more of a shock. Hopefully, he will just be happy to finally get some, lol, so it won't matter. ;-)

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OKCPirate    5,323

OKCPirate
Posted

Also on Zoloft so couldn't always finish what was started. So lost interest - and wife and I schedules suck, always running kids around.... A lot of resentment I think - maya get surgery and if things don't get better I may try a new life lol

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Well that sucks. BTW, I am example that this cycle can end. The end began to end in my late 40's (year post divorce) and WLS at 51 ended the struggle. I don't think sex is the beat all and end all of intimacy. It isn't, trust me on that. But it is an important part of our humanity. No reason to give up this ONE part of your self. The pain in your post makes me think there is more healing to be done than just WLS. Fix that first. Just saying, suggesting hoping you will et. al.

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Who'sThere    331

Who'sThere
Posted

Sex may not be the best and end all of intimacy, but I would argue that if there isn't any physical affection, there is, indeed, a loss of intimacy. When you aren't intimate in that way, you lose closeness in other areas. That has been my experience anyway. It doesn't have to he intercourse, but real kisses, a pat on the butt, even holding hands can be a way to show affection. When all that is gone, I don't hold much hope for intimacy in any other fashion.

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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

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      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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