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Skin and Sex...



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So, I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow about a revision to either sleeve or bypass. I think with either I will likely lose a lot of weight, and I'm worried already about the excess skin. I didn't worry before my first surgery because hubs and I didn't have sex very often at all. I figured if I looked ok in clothes, it would all be okay. I didn't plan on being with anyone else. Long story short, hubs and I had sex exactly twice since my lapband in 2009. However, I'm in a different relationship now. I have asked my boyfriend of 2.5 years to give me his serious opinions on how he will feel about the excess skin I will probably have. I even sent him some pics to consider. Our relationship is long distance and we never see each other any less than 6 weeks between visits. So, he will not have the chance to gradually get used to the skin. It will be a big transition between visits. He admits the visual might be tough to get used to, but he says he loves me for me and it will be okay. My question is have any of you had any issues with skin affecting your sex life. Also, do you have any lingerie tips or anything like that for concealing the skin? I've not had a revision, and I'm already worried about feeling sexy in my skin. I'm accustomed to feeling sexy even in my large body. I'm just no so sure about a thin but saggy body.

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No issues at all. I tell my husband he needs ironing, but I love every piece of saggy skin and vice versa. If they love us fat they love us saggy! Good luck, be healthy!

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Thank you. Ironing...haha

I told him lingerie might help, and he had just eaten a super big meal. He told me if he didn't stop eating, he might need lingerie. I love his sense of humor. He will like the ironing comment.

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I've never known a guy to get to "that point" and back away. Then again my buddies aren't superficial and haven't dated super models.

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He has an insanely high sex drive. I'm hoping that will help override any possible qualms about skin. Hopefully. That and the fact that we go weeks at a time with only "self-love" and phone sex, so hopefully he will also be so desperate for the real thing that it will be ok. Lol

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you may be overthinking things.

my husband has never had any problem with my body. not when I was thinner, not when I was younger. not when I was pregnant (right up to the morning of being induced) not when I was nursing (milk everywhere with the O) not when I was heavier, not when I got older, not when the weight is coming off and skin is in weird places.

He thinks I'm sexy, funny and beautiful, and I hope your man feels the same about you no matter where you are in your life, or weight loss.

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He has an insanely high sex drive. I'm hoping that will help override any possible qualms about skin. Hopefully. That and the fact that we go weeks at a time with only "self-love" and phone sex, so hopefully he will also be so desperate for the real thing that it will be ok. Lol

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We are a very sexually active couple as well. Neither my wife nor I are.concerned.

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That is so true! I just turned 70 last month. My husband has begged me 25 years, and still, to buy a bikini. Right now he is a couple hours away, and just told me to get naked and relax after I was in the pool. We might get old, but in our minds we remain you and happy in heart!

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Loopylulu, we joke all the time about being the couple in the nursing home that gets in trouble for pda. Lol

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If he is over 40 and had ever been with a woman who has had kids, he'll be fine. Gravity wins in the end, and most guys realize air brushed models are not reality. On the plus side, the hormone dump might bring out the hyper-sexual in you and he really won't care at that point.

Always remember, fun, confidence and skill are always the best things to wear to bed.

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Well, if I get any more hyper sexual, I'd be a nympho. Haha. I could tell you how we met, but only in a PM. Haha. Yes, he's over 40, but I'm not quite there. I will say confidence and fun and never absent in our bedroom situations. Haha. I just want to keep turning him on like I do now.

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Poor paramedic, you don't want it??? You don't have the urge at all or issues in your relationship make you not want it with her?

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Sex? What's sex? Hell been over a year for wife and I. I just don't want it. Plus we have some issues

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Everyone has issues. Maybe the best thing is this surgery, and then renewed health/stamina. If you have children, a long term wife/marriage, I promise it is not perfect for anyone here no matter what they say. Work on you and your family, because that is the most important thing on earth. Best wishes.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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