holy hell **Confrontation or Enabling ?**

[LisaMergs 2,857]

Ok. Ok. I've been reading the thread. I have one comment.

It irks the CRAP out of me when someone who HAS NOT had their surgery yet give advice to someone who has about what to do in a post op situation. I mean REALLY irks me.

There are instances when unless you've been there/ done that/ experienced that you JUST DO NOT KNOW.

Pre op i spent my time here more lurking or asking pointed questions that could/would apply to me. I would never have given advice on what to do. And if you had the same surgery as I had but were simply a week ahead of me- I considered you a vet! Lol. Because you had already encountered day 7 and I was just in day 7!

But please! To be honest- I don't want someone who hasn't even been approved for surgery yet to give me advice on eating, exercising, or what I SHOULD be doing. All the internet reading and searching in the world does not compare to actually living the experience.

Wow. I've been wanting to say that for a couple of months!

Back to your originally scheduled thread.

Cheers!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

What happens if someone is a vet AND newbie?

I'm sure people look at my profile and say... what does this chick know... she is only 12 weeks out....

But i am an 8 year vet of the band...who successfully maintained for 7 of those years.... but i am also a 12 week newbie of the sleeve....

So technically am i a newbie or a vet?

I try give advice based on my experience.... time gives you experience..... but EXPERIENCE also gives you experience.

Example.... someone who has had major complications... they have way more experience on that than say someone who is 5 years post op with a straight forward procedure.

So i think it generally depends on what part of wls the advice is for....

I would rather advice from someone who has experienced it... than someone who hasn't but has been on their "journey" longer..

Time is not an absolute indicator of wisdom.... i know people who are 10 year "vets" who give advice that is just plain wrong... and haven't been successful.

My point is.... it really depends on the topic and level of experience of the person giving the advice.... there is no one correct "answer" that can define what a vet should be.

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

@

I wish the stats to the side could make it more clear for people that had a revision. An option is to place the date of your first surgery into your stats. I understand the frustration. I think its worth mentioning to @alexbreacher.He may have a way to change stats on the site.

It comes down to sharing your experience. Its truly not a vet or a newbie conversation. We all have so much to contribute to this site and each other.

[PatriotFan 23]

I don't comment often. I'm not a newbie or a vet. I've had the band for 3 years this past May. When I decided to do the band it was with the knowledge they eventually fail and I can get the sleeve. I was afraid of the bypass and my insurance didn't cover the sleeve. Since I started working towards the sleeve I've followed all the rules I was taught with the band and have lost 50lbs. Since January. Most since April. I'm eating totally within the program now so I have less to lose when I'm sleeved or if they decide not to sleeve me I will make it work either way. My counselor asked me today if I would talk to another girl about wls because I'm the most informed patient she's ever had. Will I ? Idk. I just know I don't like how things are here right now. I'm considering going back to thinner times. They have moderators there and they are kind and helpful without gossiping and hurting people. This is supposed to be a safe place and it doesn't feel that way to me anymore. True vets wouldn't be petty. And I feel a poster asking for advice doesn't need to be beat down by everyone who considers themselves a "vet". I'm truly hurt by what's going on and I don't make wrong choices. I gained 5 lbs and was able to figure out from what I read here that I wasn't eating enough. Last night I lost the 5 lbs plus one more. So I read I learn but the sarcasm and eat what you want people are taking it seriously. Does that make anyone a good vet? This was a really nice post...at first

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[Christinamo7 4,042]

Oh oh, sensing lots and lots of sarcasm here... lol.

Man, why do I doubt that you really want to hear my honest opinion on this?

I'd love to hear your WLS pearls of wisdom.

Look, obviously I offended you. I'm sorry I did. I realize in your opinion one needs to be at goal weight to be taken really seriously. I can accept that. No problem here, hon.

*plonk*

considering someone a "Vet" when they are at "goal" is kind of nebulous, isn't it? who's goal? people have all different goals. I consider it time since surgery I guess. I think of it as a year past surgery. I consider my Uncle Stan a vet, it's been 2 years since his surgery and if I am going through it (unless a female issue) he has already gone through it. He gives me loads of good counsel, as do the many people I consider to be a vet here. Uncle Stan never had any idea of getting to a normal BMI with his other health concerns, yet WLS has clearly saved his life. He has lost 130 # for crying out loud! My goal does not get me to a normal BMI, but it is my goal none the less.

[Valentina 2,642]

I don't comment often. I'm not a newbie or a vet. I've had the band for 3 years this past May. When I decided to do the band it was with the knowledge they eventually fail and I can get the sleeve. I was afraid of the bypass and my insurance didn't cover the sleeve. Since I started working towards the sleeve I've followed all the rules I was taught with the band and have lost 50lbs. Since January. Most since April. I'm eating totally within the program now so I have less to lose when I'm sleeved or if they decide not to sleeve me I will make it work either way. My counselor asked me today if I would talk to another girl about wls because I'm the most informed patient she's ever had. Will I ? Idk. I just know I don't like how things are here right now. I'm considering going back to thinner times. They have moderators there and they are kind and helpful without gossiping and hurting people. This is supposed to be a safe place and it doesn't feel that way to me anymore. True vets wouldn't be petty. And I feel a poster asking for advice doesn't need to be beat down by everyone who considers themselves a "vet". I'm truly hurt by what's going on and I don't make wrong choices. I gained 5 lbs and was able to figure out from what I read here that I wasn't eating enough. Last night I lost the 5 lbs plus one more. So I read I learn but the sarcasm and eat what you want people are taking it seriously. Does that make anyone a good vet? This was a really nice post...at first

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Thank you!

Some members have been trying to say what you just so elegantly did for months. I hope your expressing the same observations will connect better than our efforts.

Again, THANK YOU!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

For the record, nobody in this thread (or anywhere else that I recall) -- other than summerset -- has suggested that "vet" means "being at goal" to anyone who has posted about this topic.

And @@PatriotFan -- my hat is off to you for all your pre-op success. It's awesome! All that matters for any of us is navigating our own path to however we define WLS success.

[KristenLe 5,980]

Ok. Ok. I've been reading the thread. I have one comment.

It irks the CRAP out of me when someone who HAS NOT had their surgery yet give advice to someone who has about what to do in a post op situation. I mean REALLY irks me.

There are instances when unless you've been there/ done that/ experienced that you JUST DO NOT KNOW.

Pre op i spent my time here more lurking or asking pointed questions that could/would apply to me. I would never have given advice on what to do. And if you had the same surgery as I had but were simply a week ahead of me- I considered you a vet! Lol. Because you had already encountered day 7 and I was just in day 7!

But please! To be honest- I don't want someone who hasn't even been approved for surgery yet to give me advice on eating, exercising, or what I SHOULD be doing. All the internet reading and searching in the world does not compare to actually living the experience.

Wow. I've been wanting to say that for a couple of months!

Back to your originally scheduled thread.

Cheers!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I'm sure this was directed towards me...

I don't think you have to go through something yourself to offer advice/guidance. You can have knowledge without having to experience. I don't have to have WLS to know that eating chinese food 3 weeks post-op is not a good idea and what could happen to that person. I don't have to be post-op to suggest that someone eat Protein first and get enough fluids (and not eat crackers if they're not losing weight).

Are we only allowed to comment on a thread when we've had surgery and "lived" through what the person is experiencing? Just because some have gone through surgery - their advice is not always appropriate and some have been downright dangerous! I don't think it's necessary to have gone through WLS surgery to know that you need to rest and not over-do it after surgery (I have had multiple surgeries before) - and no, not everyone "listens to their body".

Sorry to "irk" you or anyone else - feel free to hit that block button! I will continue to offer my knowledge and educated advice/guidance regardless of not having surgery yet. I believe I've offered good advice - regardless of not actually experiencing post-op life yet. Again - if it pisses you off - please block me!

Edited July 13, 2016 by KristenLe

[SalOdyssey 441]

Why can't we just simplify this?

Share and kick around ideas.

No one is wrong or right?

And to each there own!

[bigmamaAfrica 49]

@"jenn1", i just opened this thread today and i havent gone through all the replies but i wanted to say i think both Vets and Newbies can learn from each other, being a Vet doesnt make you the most knowledgeable nor does being a Newbi give you examption from doing your homework and not being babied.

I was sleeved end of March I live in Africa, I don't have a NUT or a regimented program. I'm on the site looking for topics and tips to help me navigate this process. I value anyone who gives advice and shares their experience without judgement be you new or vet.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

I LOVE OUR BP VETS!!! PERIOD!

I have learned so much from all of their input since I've been a part of BP.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm only an expert on me.

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

@Christinamo7@VSGAnn2014 @@summerset

SAYING IT LIKE IT IS. I wish people would put on the adult panties and stop the us against them mentality. Be accountable if you are dividing this community!

Decide for yourself what a vet is. Don't let anyone define you...You get to define yourself.

I think i said vet = beginning to goal. I admit that was pretty narrow..So

All of us Newbies, Vets, Revisions, People Reconnecting and anyone else in between. Are valued in sharing your experiences on this site.

All of us share the experience as a bariatric patient. All of us share that we were once so unhealthy that we made the decision to change.

[kmorri 1,689]

I've stayed out of this thread for the most part but I have followed it....but it got a little confusing to me.........I don't know how or why so much drama was stirred up around how to classify someone as vet.....I agree with Jinn's last post.....everyone contributes to this forum in their own way.....everyone is valuable!.....It doesn't matter to me if you are pre-op, or post-op by 100 years....I'm smart enough to determine if your advice is advice I want to take to heart......If I want to know how someone felt at 10 day post op.....then talking with someone who is 15 days will be the perfect person.....someone who is a year or more out probably doesn't remember.....If I want to know something about maintenance, then someone who is in maintenance will be who I seek out......If I want to know what to expect at the initial consultation with my surgeon someone who is still pre-op but is farther along in the process would be the perfect person to chat with.....I really don't care how long someone has been a member of this site.....or how long ago they had their surgery.....as long as they have knowledge or experience that I perceive as valuable to my situation......The value of the information provided is determined by the receiver of that information....and there is never any reason to be rude or condescending to anyone!

So however you define yourself, Vet, Newbie, pre-op, post-op, or anything inbetween....whatever...everyone can add value in some way.....so let's all sing Kumbya by the campfire and move forward...

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

@@kmorri

Well said!...Thank you