Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

Dear Dr K,

I have noticed that there has been an overwhelmingly high response for your services and i would like to submit my application for being the nurse ????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dr kinda - I visited my PCP and told him I have pain everywhere. I pressed my finger on my forehead, it hearts, pressed my finger on my knee, it hearts, pressed my finger on stomach, it hearts... After further analysis the Doctor found my finger was broken. Do you think I need to lose some weight?

Hello midvishon and welcome to the Pleasure-Dome,

In short, yes, yes you do...

It's obvious to me that the pressure you're exerting on your finger when you type is just becoming too much for your cute liddle pingy-wingies (medical term for fingers.. you lot wouldn't understand) to handle...

What I would suggest is the following..

Stand up.

Turn off your computer

No, not yet, otherwise you'll not know what to do next.. :mellow:

Put on a pair of comfortable shoes^

Go for a walk

Even if it's just to the other room to watch tv,,,

You obviously spend WAY too much time typing your maniacal Facebook rants or playing candy Crush..

Get out more!!!

NEXT!!!!

^This assumes that you were clothed when you were reading this. I know a lot of my readers like to learn from me in the nude, but I'm hoping that you were dressed at this point. If not, please also add at least underwear and a scarf to the list of things you're 'putting on'...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. KF,

My back is screaming today. Do you have a cure for Fibromyalgia??

:)

Greetings Valentina,

No, I do not have a cure for Fibromyalgia.

In fact, I can't even say it.

Are you sure it's not just a word you've made up?

Speaking of which, here are a few more words which sound made up to me -

Malapropism

Juxtaposition

Sphincter

Here are a few of my favourite words -

Spirogyra

Alabaster

Jinking

And finally, some of my least favourites -

Anywho

Chillax

Avocado

I feel better now...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. Kinda,

I am gaining weight. I don't know why.

Do you know why?

Hello VSGAnn2014,

My, what a convoluted name you have.

You must be important tho - your name begins with not just one, but four capital letters...

Is it possible you're compensating for having a small penis?

Anyway, I digress...

Yes, I do know why you're gaining weight...

In fact, I can put it into three words for you...

O RE OS...

Yes, that's right...

I've seen your website...

oreoann.com

While watching you eat those sweet, sweet Cookies can be mesmerizing, you really have to remember one thing...

Broken Cookies DO still contain calories...

Unlike melted chocolate or cold pizza, the calories in Oreos do NOT magically disappear.

They're still firmly entrenched in there, just waiting to make a move to your thighs/hips/arse..

So my advice to you is as follows -

Shut down your little pay-per-view service and get a real job...

Because nobody is gonna subscribe to www.proteinshakeann.com...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. KF,

My back is screaming today. Do you have a cure for Fibromyalgia??

:)

Greetings Valentina,

No, I do not have a cure for Fibromyalgia.

In fact, I can't even say it.

Are you sure it's not just a word you've made up?

Speaking of which, here are a few more words which sound made up to me -

Malapropism

Juxtaposition

Sphincter

Here are a few of my favourite words -

Spirogyra

Alabaster

Jinking

And finally, some of my least favourites -

Anywho

Chillax

Avocado

I feel better now...

NEXT!!!!

Thank you, Dr. KF.

I feel much better now.

Maybe it's your advice, maybe it's my percocets.

Either way, Life if Good!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. Familiar,

Why must I be so awesome?

Thank you for your query LipstickLady...

It's a question I've come across a lot in my life.

Mostly because of my own levels of awesome.

The best advice I can give you is this -

Don't fight the awesome...

Accept the awesome...

Embrace the awesome..

Abuse the power that the awesome gives you...

Manipulate people into doing whatever you wa...

Ummmmm...

Anyway...

Yes...

Don't fight the awesome...

If you've got it...

And you (and ONLY you) know you do...

Flaunt that awesome b*tch (or nice lady)...

F*ck I'm wise...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Damn. I'm off here for a week and Kinda got a medical license? Time flies!

Hello LisaMergs...

Welcome back...

In my defense, it's not really a medical license..

Don't say anything, but I'm just pretending...

You see, I'm a sad, lonely old man...

I crave attention...

And this is one of my subtle yet effective ways of garnering such attention..

It's very, very clever...

Kinda like a child screaming and crying because it wants something..

If they (I) do it loud enough and long enough, someone is bound to pay them (me) the attention that they (I) so badly crave...

Or I may have just been bored on a Saturday night and am now regretting creating this rod for my own back...

Or maybe a little from each...

Either way, I've gotta pee...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

Is that a rubber glove I hear snap as you give advice? :P

Hello there jenn1...

There are a number of possible answers to your question...

1. Yes, yes it is.

2. No, it's the waist band of my underwear thwacking against my right buttock...

3. Turn around and see for yourself

4. Rubber? I don't use no stinkin' rubber..

If you can't find an answer you're comfortable with in that lot, let me know and I'll do some more research (that means make some more sh*t up)...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(My face hurts -- really hurts -- from grinning so hard. Thank you, Doctor KF.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

First off, let me thank you for taking time out of your busy Sunday to assist us. Your sacrifice is appreciated. I hope you are otherwise enjoying your weekend.

Now, I do have a question:

I seem to have this near-constant voice in my ear. Am I crazy?

Ahhhh, the beautiful CHM...

I was hoping you'd make yourself known...

No, not because you're a medical mystery...

More because I think you're pretty cute and I like your face!

Thank you for your kind words.

Tho I can't tell if you're flirting with me or patronising me...

Either way, I'll take your attentions...

Now, your question...

Yes, yes you are...

Crazy I mean...

And in my non-expert opinion, you're likely crazy in love!!

You see, that voice you hear is NOT from inside your head.

It's coming thru the earphones that you have in there.

The earphones are connected to your phone..

And as you're ALWAYS on the phone to your boyfriend, it's likely HIS voice you're hearing..

Next time it's happening, let me know and we can work our way thru it in real time..

Or Facetime...

Or Facebook...

MySpace...

Instagram...

SnapChat..

Twitter...

Have I gone off track?

I dunno...

Oh right...

Your voices...

Yes, you're nuts!!!

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr K,

I have noticed that there has been an overwhelmingly high response for your services and i would like to submit my application for being the nurse

AussieGirl81

Just to clarify, I'll not be servicing anyone...

My offer is strictly advice-related...

Despite being a gorgeous lump of beefcake, I'm not a stud bull whose 'gear' can be offered around for a price...

I'm a man with feelings...

I may be brilliant and well advanced in many areas compared to you commoners, but I also have hopes and dreams just like the rest of you...

Mine are just better...

And more attainable because I'm far superior to you all...

Now regarding your offer -

If I ever require such services, I'll certainly keep you in mind.

As it stands tho, I'm quite sure that after tomorrow, this thread will disappear into the great abyss that is the interweb, never to bee seen until, in 2023, someone accidentally stumbles upon it, 'likes' a post and allllll this sh*t starts again...

Now, if you don't mind, the Sunday Footy Show is on soon and I've things to do...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel much better now.

Maybe it's your advice, maybe it's my percocets.

Either way, Life if Good!

Hi Valentina

Percocets?

Another made-up word...

Life is certainly better than the alternative...

NEXT!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Dr. @@KindaFamiliar

First off, let me thank you for taking time out of your busy Sunday to assist us. Your sacrifice is appreciated. I hope you are otherwise enjoying your weekend.

Now, I do have a question:

I seem to have this near-constant voice in my ear. Am I crazy?

Ahhhh, the beautiful CHM...

I was hoping you'd make yourself known...

No, not because you're a medical mystery...

More because I think you're pretty cute and I like your face!

Thank you for your kind words.

Tho I can't tell if you're flirting with me or patronising me...

Either way, I'll take your attentions...

Now, your question...

Yes, yes you are...

Crazy I mean...

And in my non-expert opinion, you're likely crazy in love!!

You see, that voice you hear is NOT from inside your head.

It's coming thru the earphones that you have in there.

The earphones are connected to your phone..

And as you're ALWAYS on the phone to your boyfriend, it's likely HIS voice you're hearing..

Next time it's happening, let me know and we can work our way thru it in real time..

Or Facetime...

Or Facebook...

MySpace...

Instagram...

SnapChat..

Twitter...

Have I gone off track?

I dunno...

Oh right...

Your voices...

Yes, you're nuts!!!

NEXT!!!!

Y'all are disgusting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×