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Alone on this new journey.......

Fettchick83

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

Almost a week out and I have lost the support of the only person that matters to me. I feel lost, scared and hopeless. I'm full of so much uncertainty between the long time realities of the surgery and now my relationship. I just want to be basked in comfort right now and I have nowhere to turn, well towards a human at least. I'm not sure what to think. My entire self is in a state of shock. This surgery was supposed to enhance my life and now I feel like it's taking away from my life. Could I be experiencing buyer's remorse or am I truly depressed? In the process of trying to be enough for myself, I lost the person I thought would be there to be part of and support my journey. Now I'm alone, with this new foreign friend (vsg tummy).

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maria1026    8

maria1026
Posted

I'm truly sorry to read your post. Although support is a huge asset; you must know you can still do this. This forum is a huge support system. Also the clinic you attend will have a support group. Please be strong and best of luck to you.

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

I'm truly sorry to read your post. Although support is a huge asset; you must know you can still do this. This forum is a huge support system. Also the clinic you attend will have a support group. Please be strong and best of luck to you.

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Thank you for your kind words.

Sent from my SM-N920P using the BariatricPal App

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newstacey    18

newstacey
Posted

First, big hug to you. I'm so sorry you lost your support. It is not uncommon to feel buyers remorse. But it can feel worse and overwhelming when you don't have support. Keep in mind (hopefully) this journey is about you and for you. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship with another person who doesn't support you. (I know, easier said than done.) So it's time to start over and be the best you can be for YOU.

If you can find a local support group to get to when you're physically up to it, please go. They can be a source of great friendship and inspiration.

You are not alone.

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con con    142

con con
Posted

I can certainly commiserate with you. My relationship of 15 years just ended. Devastating? Without question. But we did this for ourselves and with that find your personal strength and self love to guide and support you. We will be fine. This happened 4 days before my birthday. I cried for a week. But as with anything it does get better. Just try and comfort yourself.

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AvaFern    3,516

AvaFern
Posted

If it makes you feel better at all, if you learn how to be your own support in the times when you feel most alone, you find a certain type of power that isn't developed in any other way.

I can walk away from anyone- not because I want to be alone and unloved, but because I know my value and I know that if I am anything less than happy with someone else I am entirely capable of being very happy, very well taken care of, and very comfortable entirely by myself. You are never truly alone when the best person that can ever take care of you is you.

When I was a kid my dad told me that the way he knew that my mom was "the one" was because she was the only one who was better at taking care of number one than he was. It's been 33 years now and my mom is still taking better care of number one than he does, lol. I figure until I find that person, I'm doing just fine taking care of number one on my own. It may not seem like it right now, but you will be better off being able to do that as well and doing so when you are most miserable makes the rest of the path seem quite easy in comparison. :)

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

First, big hug to you. I'm so sorry you lost your support. It is not uncommon to feel buyers remorse. But it can feel worse and overwhelming when you don't have support. Keep in mind (hopefully) this journey is about you and for you. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship with another person who doesn't support you. (I know, easier said than done.) So it's time to start over and be the best you can be for YOU.

If you can find a local support group to get to when you're physically up to it, please go. They can be a source of great friendship and inspiration.

You are not alone.

Thank you. I will search for a support group! It feels like only those that have walked the life understand how it feels.

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

I can certainly commiserate with you. My relationship of 15 years just ended. Devastating? Without question. But we did this for ourselves and with that find your personal strength and self love to guide and support you. We will be fine. This happened 4 days before my birthday. I cried for a week. But as with anything it does get better. Just try and comfort yourself.

Was it because of thr surgery? I'm not sure what makes the love stop. Is it the fear of change? And happy belated birthday!

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con con    142

con con
Posted

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

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cindyw41    761

cindyw41
Posted (edited)

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

The NFL nut in me is screaming "who is it" but I've calmed down lol well sort of.

Back to this post it's hard learning who our true friends are and relationships shouldn't come with conditions. As hard as it is to start over sometimes it's the best thing for us. We never realized how toxic or wrong a relationship is till we step away and see it with new eyes. Thankfully I went through this surgery with a man that loves me no matter what, did he agree with me having it done..No but he didn't alienate me either. He was there at the hospital and now reminds me to eat or exercise. Today he made the comment that he got a new wife without even trying. There is someone out there that loves you for you. Don't settle for anything less

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Edited by cindyw41

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con con    142

con con
Posted

The difficulty is after 15 years and we were each other's best friend and now dealing with this curve ball....Honestly the dating scene is not something I want to even tackle. It will just be me and my cats!!!

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

I admire your strength. Your right you can't change him, but you can change yourself and you have and you will continue to grow. Yourjourney in life still has so many great things, just hang on and enjoy the ride. Love will find you again.

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

The NFL nut in me is screaming "who is it" but I've calmed down lol well sort of.

Back to this post it's hard learning who our true friends are and relationships shouldn't come with conditions. As hard as it is to start over sometimes it's the best thing for us. We never realized how toxic or wrong a relationship is till we step away and see it with new eyes. Thankfully I went through this surgery with a man that loves me no matter what, did he agree with me having it done..No but he didn't alienate me either. He was there at the hospital and now reminds me to eat or exercise. Today he made the comment that he got a new wife without even trying. There is someone out there that loves you for you. Don't settle for anything less

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Thank you for your wise words.

Sent from my SM-N920P using the BariatricPal App

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B1essed1    61

B1essed1
Posted

It may not look like it, it may not feel like it, but I assure you ....

This is a blessing in disguise. When you're truely loved unconditionally, no surgery or circumstance could make him stop loving you. If he's willing to take a chance on losing you to another man, then he's definitely not the one. I know this hurts so much right now but you will find the strength with in you to move past this. *Hugs*

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Go To Topic Listing POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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