Is your surgery a secret?

[Valentina 2,642]

Ahhhh, the ol' "to tell or not to tell" saga.

"Here we go around and round in circles"

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

Wow, all these replies have been so helpful. Now I see it is ok to do what I feel comfortable with and I'm not alone! I was considering telling people who insisted on knowing that I'm getting my cysts removed (from the pcos). I definitely don't want people talking about it CONSTANTLY to me. I my mom works with a sleeved guy and they talk about it every times they work together, I never thought about how that might be annoying him. Maybe, maybe not. I'm annoyed because I am a vegetarian and I made a huge mistake by telling the two men I work with, and somehow it becomes the center for jokes and discussion everyday... I don't even participate that's the annoying part, but I wanna say SHUT UP WHO CARES IT'S MY LIFE, but of course i don't!

Thank you all

@ -- at work you need only tell them your doctor is scheduling you for surgery, its private and you do not wish to discuss. The only time HR/boss can push on that is that if it is a worker's comp injury, which this is not. When they ask when you will be back, you'll tell them when the doctor clears you to come back but you hope to be back in 3 weeks of less if everything goes well.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

I love that some people choose to share! No doubt you are doing a great service to some people who may need the enlightenment. I applaud your efforts, sincerely.

That said, after four years of many reincarnations of this thread, I am prepped and ready to hear how I am a liar, how I am ashamed of WLS, how it's my **duty** to educate others, etc.

Not all sharers do the above, but I can already see it rearing it's lovely head. Just putting it all on fast forward. I'd hate for someone who is unsure about the whole decision to share/not share feel "shamed" (popular word on this site) to do so if they are not comfortable with it. You can always share later, you can never unshare.

you know what, I tell anyone just about anything - and that does not mean I care a fig about what you do or do not tell anyone else.

I simply tell people I eat less (truth), move more (truth) and follow a low carb diet (truth). No "stories" to remember, simple and to the point, and 100% factual.

No shame in my game. (That's usually the next thing "tellers" start throwing out there.)

(Oh. And no, it's not my duty to educate other fatties on the joys of WLS. That will be after the shame part.)

The thing is, my WLS likely saved my life. and I am grateful. I don't feel I have a "duty" to share it with others - but if I can do someone a good turn who may be interested, so be it. what's the point in going through garbage in my life if I can't use it to help someone else out?

perhaps it would be a good idea to evaluate how you share these ideas. I have seen the people you speak of. they don't usually stay around very long - but you have been here long enough to not get down on that level.

When you say things like labeling a group "tellers" you imply that everyone who tells their story is of that same ilk. rather than saying something like "some who tell" do this or that - where as there are probably a lot of people who do not tell who DO struggle with shame, and embarrassment as reasons to not share (I believe to their own detriment as most of this battle is in our minds and emotions) but I do not assume, and try very hard to come across as not assuming that *everyone* who chooses not to tell is in that group. some people are just very private, and others have their own reasons for not sharing.

when you lump a whole group of people together like that what we say in the south : "you were showing your a$$". and no one cares to see that even if you bedazzle it.

[Valentina 2,642]

perhaps it would be a good idea to evaluate how you share these ideas. I have seen the people you speak of. they don't usually stay around very long - but you have been here long enough to not get down on that level.

I love that some people choose to share! No doubt you are doing a great service to some people who may need the enlightenment. I applaud your efforts, sincerely.

That said, after four years of many reincarnations of this thread, I am prepped and ready to hear how I am a liar, how I am ashamed of WLS, how it's my **duty** to educate others, etc.

Not all sharers do the above, but I can already see it rearing it's lovely head. Just putting it all on fast forward. I'd hate for someone who is unsure about the whole decision to share/not share feel "shamed" (popular word on this site) to do so if they are not comfortable with it. You can always share later, you can never unshare.

you know what, I tell anyone just about anything - and that does not mean I care a fig about what you do or do not tell anyone else.

I simply tell people I eat less (truth), move more (truth) and follow a low carb diet (truth). No "stories" to remember, simple and to the point, and 100% factual.

No shame in my game. (That's usually the next thing "tellers" start throwing out there.)

(Oh. And no, it's not my duty to educate other fatties on the joys of WLS. That will be after the shame part.)

The thing is, my WLS likely saved my life. and I am grateful. I don't feel I have a "duty" to share it with others - but if I can do someone a good turn who may be interested, so be it. what's the point in going through garbage in my life if I can't use it to help someone else out?

When you say things like labeling a group "tellers" you imply that everyone who tells their story is of that same ilk. rather than saying something like "some who tell" do this or that - where as there are probably a lot of people who do not tell who DO struggle with shame, and embarrassment as reasons to not share (I believe to their own detriment as most of this battle is in our minds and emotions) but I do not assume, and try very hard to come across as not assuming that *everyone* who chooses not to tell is in that group. some people are just very private, and others have their own reasons for not sharing.

when you lump a whole group of people together like that what we say in the south : "you were showing your a$$". and no one cares to see that even if you bedazzle it.

A-a-a-men, A-a-amen, A-a-men, Amen, Amen, Amen. (remember the song? ) Well said, Christinamo7. Well said, indeed!, Sista.

[Read2016 658]

None of this secret stuff would be needed if people knew their place... There are things that should just not be commented on other than good for you or hope all goes well with maybe let me know if you need something thrown in... It's so frustrating that everyone feels they know so much!!!

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I love that some people choose to share! No doubt you are doing a great service to some people who may need the enlightenment. I applaud your efforts, sincerely.

That said, after four years of many reincarnations of this thread, I am prepped and ready to hear how I am a liar, how I am ashamed of WLS, how it's my **duty** to educate others, etc.

Not all sharers do the above, but I can already see it rearing it's lovely head. Just putting it all on fast forward. I'd hate for someone who is unsure about the whole decision to share/not share feel "shamed" (popular word on this site) to do so if they are not comfortable with it. You can always share later, you can never unshare.

you know what, I tell anyone just about anything - and that does not mean I care a fig about what you do or do not tell anyone else.

I simply tell people I eat less (truth), move more (truth) and follow a low carb diet (truth). No "stories" to remember, simple and to the point, and 100% factual.

No shame in my game. (That's usually the next thing "tellers" start throwing out there.)

(Oh. And no, it's not my duty to educate other fatties on the joys of WLS. That will be after the shame part.)

The thing is, my WLS likely saved my life. and I am grateful. I don't feel I have a "duty" to share it with others - but if I can do someone a good turn who may be interested, so be it. what's the point in going through garbage in my life if I can't use it to help someone else out?

perhaps it would be a good idea to evaluate how you share these ideas. I have seen the people you speak of. they don't usually stay around very long - but you have been here long enough to not get down on that level.

When you say things like labeling a group "tellers" you imply that everyone who tells their story is of that same ilk. rather than saying something like "some who tell" do this or that - where as there are probably a lot of people who do not tell who DO struggle with shame, and embarrassment as reasons to not share (I believe to their own detriment as most of this battle is in our minds and emotions) but I do not assume, and try very hard to come across as not assuming that *everyone* who chooses not to tell is in that group. some people are just very private, and others have their own reasons for not sharing.

when you lump a whole group of people together like that what we say in the south : "you were showing your a$$". and no one cares to see that even if you bedazzle it.

You are absolutely correct! My apologies. I'm one who detests sweeping generalizations so I did choose my words poorly. I've even started topics denouncing it. I definitely should have said SOME tellers.

I've no issue with correcting myself -- bedazzled azz or not.

It's a shame that some of those above who have already implied untruths on the behalf of those of us who don't share would never dream of doing the same.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

It's actually quite an interesting phenomenon. Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm sure you will. I've never seen someone who chooses not to tell attempt to "shame" people who choose to share.

In turn, there are almost always some who choose to share attempting to "shame" those who don't.

I wonder why?

[Shaydi.Laine 237]

Now I'm wondering what I'm going to tell people whilst out for dinner socially!!

I can always say I'm not feeling very hungry and am trying to lose weight and have a drink whilst others have an entree. And can always make an excuse not to have a dessert. But not sure what to say about the main course. I was thinking of choosing a Soup if there is one or something really soft. Or maybe getting an entree served for main.

But I won't be able to eat all of the entree and won't be able to drink for half an hour after it. Usually we all order at least 3 courses and the wine flows all evening!!!

And my friends are all pretty skinny and don't gain weight despite us all pigging out quite often. Only me lol.

I was worried about this also, but so far it's been easy, I was even able to keep it from a best friend of 23+ years. (Just to see if could get away with it. He was the one person I finally told.)

Luckily the weight loss bit is one thing you wont be able to keep to yourself. That's going to be blatantly visible. (yay!) So the fact that you are on a "diet" is sort of a "duh" answer. It's also enough of an explanation for how you are eating, not drinking booze, and no one notices that I don't touch my Water at the dinner table. The "diet" I am on, as I would tell anyone, is low carb, really small portions, and no alcohol. (That last bit is gonna change, but will remain minimal. Alcohol has always stalled my diet efforts.) You can also say you are eating 6 small meals a day instead of 3 large ones and it's working. Take those leftovers with you. You will want them later

Surgery or no surgery, weight loss results are achieved through our own efforts and actions. The fact is that anyone can eat around their surgery and completely blow it, not to mention the effects of the surgery will wear thin eventually. The bulk of this is on us. We're just learning all the right moves for getting it off and more importantly, keeping it off.

[SalOdyssey 441]

Mine is not a secret. I've been very public about my weight loss journey and the support has been amazing!!!

[Christinamo7 4,041]

It's actually quite an interesting phenomenon. Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm sure you will. I've never seen someone who chooses not to tell attempt to "shame" people who choose to share.

In turn, there are almost always some who choose to share attempting to "shame" those who don't.

I wonder why?

foot. the broad definition of "shaming" used around here would include any number of arguments I've seen on the other side, but I don't really feel like going through old threads to dig them up. will try to remember to point them out to you when I see them in the future, because there are some on both sides, really of any hot button issue I see here. but really what goes for shaming is in large measure people who don't know how to frame their disagreement with a topic in a way that is not inflammatory and disparaging to their fellow posters, or they are not people who can easily and unemotionally articulate the reasons they are on whichever side of the fence they are on.

and I'll quote them so they can't go back and change it, lol.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Really? You've seen someone who doesn't tell people about their WLS put down or insult people who do tell? What was their reasoning?

It seems to me that this one is (to my knowledge) a one way street.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

I chose to only reveal to siblings and very close family members. I told everyone else I was having hernia surgery. No regrets...

[Christinamo7 4,041]

Really? You've seen someone who doesn't tell people about their WLS put down or insult people who do tell? What was their reasoning?

It seems to me that this one is (to my knowledge) a one way street.

you're just looking for a fight, you can't possibly have read the same threads I have and not seen people put down or slam all people who tell in a group. Truth is I would not have reacted to your labeling the whole lot of us as "tellers" in a very disparaging way if I hadn't seen the same behaviors from others. if you choose to believe one side is completely appropriate and not in any way defamatory to the other side so be it. stay in your happy 'one way street' place.

I certainly am not going to go looking for past examples to point it out to you because it just isn't worth my time. I called you on it because as a host and veteran there is a higher expectation on you than on others.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

you're just looking for a fight, you can't possibly have read the same threads I have and not seen people put down or slam all people who tell in a group. Truth is I would not have reacted to your labeling the whole lot of us as "tellers" in a very disparaging way if I hadn't seen the same behaviors from others. if you choose to believe one side is completely appropriate and not in any way defamatory to the other side so be it. stay in your happy 'one way street' place.

Really? You've seen someone who doesn't tell people about their WLS put down or insult people who do tell? What was their reasoning?

It seems to me that this one is (to my knowledge) a one way street.

I certainly am not going to go looking for past examples to point it out to you because it just isn't worth my time. I called you on it because as a host and veteran there is a higher expectation on you than on others.

Oh dear lord, I'm really not -- I've genuinely missed it and I certainly wouldn't ask if I knew the answer. You are correct. I am above that. Please feel free to tag me next time you see this happen. I would honestly appreciate that.

I can't imagine why it would be WRONG to tell the world if one chooses to. I'd be happy to shoot down that logic just as I am happy to shoot down the logic that it's wrong to keep it to oneself. I've never understood ANYONE who thinks their way is the ONLY way or the BETTER way or the RIGHT way for anyone other than themselves.

I think you are reading me completely wrong, but that's certainly your right. Here I was thinking you are I were having an honest, friendly discussion from both viewpoints. Clearly I was, again, incorrect. Apologies.

Is anyone else willing to enlighten me why reasons some non-tellers disparage tellers for doing so? I don't need specific examples/research. Simply the logic behind it. THANKS!

[Valentina 2,642]

Oh dear lord, I'm really not -- I've genuinely missed it and I certainly wouldn't ask if I knew the answer. You are correct. I am above that. Please feel free to tag me next time you see this happen. I would honestly appreciate that.

I can't imagine why it would be WRONG to tell the world if one chooses to. I'd be happy to shoot down that logic just as I am happy to shoot down the logic that it's wrong to keep it to oneself. I've never understood ANYONE who thinks their way is the ONLY way or the BETTER way or the RIGHT way for anyone other than themselves.

I think you are reading me completely wrong, but that's certainly your right. Here I was thinking you are I were having an honest, friendly discussion from both viewpoints. Clearly I was, again, incorrect. Apologies.

Is anyone else willing to enlighten me why reasons some non-tellers disparage tellers for doing so? I don't need specific examples/research. Simply the logic behind it. THANKS!

you're just looking for a fight, you can't possibly have read the same threads I have and not seen people put down or slam all people who tell in a group. Truth is I would not have reacted to your labeling the whole lot of us as "tellers" in a very disparaging way if I hadn't seen the same behaviors from others. if you choose to believe one side is completely appropriate and not in any way defamatory to the other side so be it. stay in your happy 'one way street' place.

Really? You've seen someone who doesn't tell people about their WLS put down or insult people who do tell? What was their reasoning?

It seems to me that this one is (to my knowledge) a one way street.

I certainly am not going to go looking for past examples to point it out to you because it just isn't worth my time. I called you on it because as a host and veteran there is a higher expectation on you than on others.

Look into your own mind/conscience, -- within yourself lies your answer.

Prayers going up.