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How did you talk with your kids about your surgery?



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I have 2 little girls (3 and 6 yrs old) and I'm still trying to figure out how to talk with them about all this.

I'm in the beginning stages, pre-op. I am 290 now and hope to get closer to 150. Leaning toward bypass, but not completely decided against sleeve. Surgery timeframe is likely October.

Folks with little kids:

How did you prepare your kids for the surgery? Your recover time? The dramatic change in your size? In meal changes? What words did you use (knowing kids repeat everything to everyone, I'm trying to be careful in how I phrase my explanations).

I don't want them to be in the dark, but I want them to only know what's important for their developmental age. I don't want them to worry about me, nor get a weight / identity complex themselves.

Would love your thoughts. Resource material? Anything. I'll be discussing this with my psychologist next month, but all insight is helpful.

Thanks!

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I have custody of my 9 yr. old grandson since he was 3 mos. old. I told him that my body was processing food into too much fat and not enough energy and that the doctor was going to do a surgery that will help me get healthy again so we can go hiking and biking again and that it will help me not have to take so many medicines because I will be healthier. I also told him that I was going to have to eat healthier and asked him if he minded very much if I didn't buy so many junky Snacks and stuck to the healthier choices. He was all for it!! He loves fruits and veggies anyway so that wasn't too hard for him. lol I told him I was going to be tired right after surgery and sore, but not for very long. He was great, saying he would help Papa take care of me and he is so excited to be able to do things together again. Be honest, but age appropriate and include them in your journey. You'll be pleasantly surprised, I think. I know I was. Good luck with "the talk" lol. Let us know how it goes.

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Thanks Inspyrdbyu. Some good things to consider. My 6 year old is a nurturer, so I'll definitely have help in my recovery stage from a mini nurse (she was amazing when I was recovering from ankle surgery. Always reminding me to do my PT). Thanks for your response.

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We have two kids (8yrs and 6yrs) and I told them that I was having surgery on my tummy to make me healthy/feel better and they accepted this explanation. We talked about how I would stay in the hospital a few days until I was able to be up and around and that when I got home I would have to take it easy for a while. We didn't talk about surgery until probably 10 days before hand because at that age we didn't feel they needed to worry about it for too long before it occurred (and we know our kids, so this worked for us). Post op I talked about how my tummy was still healing so I had to be careful about what I was eating and that instead of sitting in my lap they could sit next to me and snuggle.


As far as the healthy food we had already cut out almost all snack/junk foods (snacking instead on veggies, fruits, nuts, etc.). We didn't talk at all about how much my body/size would change. What we have talked about is how good we feel when we exercise/play and that we always need to make time for these fun activities. It all depends on your kids and how much information you feel they can handle, and how much information you are willing for them to repeat to others. I found that adults have asked a lot more questions (being nosy) than our kids.

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Thank you SweetPeas. This is how I've planned on it going. Good to know some success and acceptance has come from it. I appreciate your feedback.

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

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        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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