Trying not to feel so alone.

[MinaDina 89]

I live in a city where I literally have no family and real friends, I moved here for work, and have hated every minute of it. The closest thing I have is a former older roommate and her preteen daughter. I know she's there for me,but she's not like a friend that really understands my plight. I've always been self sufficient, been a loner, been fully capable of doing and somewhat enjoying things alone. I know that my mother and other out of state friends are only a phone call away, but it's not the same as someone literally next to you. I always hear encouragement about going to support groups. I've got social anxiety and don't feel like I'm quit ready for a group setting just yet. I'm trying not to let any of this get me down, but when I had my last visit and was being told about your days in the hospital all I could do was imagine myself alone in this hospital room...texting. lol! Sounds crazy, but it made me feel alone inside.

I know I can't be the only person who feels or has felt like this.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@MinaDina I am a very social person and like to be surrounded by friends and energy.... and yet sleeve post op in 2011, I pretty much wanted to be alone.

In January of this year I had to do a plastic surgery related "revision" and went alone. I sometimes got bored, but was surprised that I didn't really get lonely.

I had a couple of emergency room trips this year (don't ask!) and also found that I really didn't want my grown kids around me - I was in a lot of pain and feeling like I needed to mask it for other people was stressful. So, there are some benefits of doing this solo!

You might find that you do okay... and it seems to me you have pretty much ruled out the obvious suggestions (support group, or meeting people via Facebook or meetups etc).

[Sophie74656 1,572]

*virtual hug*

I understand how you feel. I have social anxiety too. For a long time it helped me that my husband was outgoing and easily made friends. He was my support system when we were out.

But now being single for the first time in 12 years I have no friends.

What has actually helped me is the website meetup. I searched for something I was interested in and joined a couple of groups. I went to a couple of the meetups and actually had fun.

[Montana Gal 448]

Good morning and welcome MinaDina! I too am a bit of a loner, the one suggestion I have is to volunteer somewhere. I know, the sound of it can be terrifying, especially if you have social anxiety!!! I volunteer at our local visitor center, the reason it works for me is that all I have to talk about is the beautiful state I live in. How easy is that? No small talk, just answering questions about something I love. It gets me out of the house and with people in a setting that is comfortable. For me it is easier than walking into a support group. I understand it is not easy, but giving back in a non threatening environment helps. As for after surgery, I was pretty much on my own. I agree with @@CowgirlJane, it is stressful trying to shield your pain from others. Maybe ask your bariatric team for a referral for some counseling as well. You already made a positive step forward by posting here.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

That's why you have US.

The first day of your surgery you will be sleeping off the anesthesia. The second day you will be pretty spaced out from pain medications. You won't be so alone. My experience in hospitals is that some staffer is in and out every few minutes - especially when you are trying to sleep.

When you get down in the dumps, come here for a hand to get out.

I do agree with volunteering. It gets you out of the house and helps you to focus on someone besides yourself. A nursing home is a great place to volunteer. There are a lot of lonesome people in there who get no interaction with family and would be glad to see you once in a while. Contact an activities director and find out how you can help.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

That's why you have US.

The first day of your surgery you will be sleeping off the anesthesia. The second day you will be pretty spaced out from pain medications. You won't be so alone. My experience in hospitals is that some staffer is in and out every few minutes - especially when you are trying to sleep.

When you get down in the dumps, come here for a hand to get out.

I do agree with volunteering. It gets you out of the house and helps you to focus on someone besides yourself. A nursing home is a great place to volunteer. There are a lot of lonesome people in there who get no interaction with family and would be glad to see you once in a while. Contact an activities director and find out how you can help.

Funny story about people coming in when you sleep

the day of surgery I still had bad apnea. So while lying in the bed, attached to the oxygen monitor, every time I would doze off a nurse would come running in to check on me because suddenly my oxygen level plummeted. Finally they made me wear an oxygen nose tube thing so they wouldn't have to keep running in every couple minutes

[Recycled 2,182]

all I could do was imagine myself alone in this hospital room...texting. lol! Sounds crazy, but it made me feel alone inside.

Wow, texting us makes you feel alone........ that cuts me to the bone.......

You're looking at this all wrong.......

Think about it. - Who else knows exactly what you are going thru?

- You can text any day, at any hour and share with others who will offer comfort and reassurance.

- (here's a good one) You can text while sitting on the pot and no one will know what your doin..... how cool is that......lol

- You can get reassurance from friends when you can't reach the professionals...(docs etc.)

- You can help & reassure others that may be experiencing the same issues which makes you invaluable and gives you satisfaction and comfort.

- You become forever part of a group that share a connection no one else can relate to.

- You'll be understood instead of judged for the choices you have made or the experiences you have undergone.

- And on and on and on........

Basically.....your texting connections will be all the things that help to keep you from feeling alone. The type of connections that typically are very elusive in today's fast paced face to face relationships.

So, don't discount us too quickly.....You are definitely not alone. Anytime you begin feeling that way, just give us a shout out and we'll be here.

[Margie122 845]

MinaDina - I know what it's like to move away for a job and be totally miserable! Luckily for me one of my best friends also moved with me. We both worked for the same company and moved together. I don't know what I would have done without her. I was 5+ hours by car from my other friends and family and it was not fun. If I didn't have her I wouldn't have lasted 3.5 years out there.

Luckily you do have the phone/computer to make contact with family, friends, and us here on the boards. When is your surgery? The days you will be in the hospital you aren't going to be much up for visitors anyway......I don't know your families situation but could someone come down and visit you for the first week or so after surgery to keep you company? Did you ask?

Best to you....

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

MinaDina, attending your surgery practice's support group and/or the groups of other bariatric practices in your new city may be just the thing. Most meetings are monthly, which may make them seem less daunting. You'd be in the company of people who at least share your weight and health concerns, which is a good way of seeking acquaintanceships that may grow into friendships. By going to a meeting, you wouldn't even have to speak if you didn't feel ready. Someone is likely to ask you to join in the discussion. You could decline politely or, having taken the first step by simply walking into the meeting room, you might be open enough to say that you feel uncomfortable speaking just yet. I don't have social anxiety, but there have been times when I felt uncomfortable about something or other (I can't recall an example at the moment). Saying as much immediately freed me to take an active part.

[perforce 243]

This isn't a solution, but I just wanted to let you know that being in the hospital alone is really fine. I went out of country to do mine so the nurses had basic English but there was no one else in the hospital that week from the UK and my family didn't come, so I was by myself.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

One thing you may try while in the hospital is to let them know about your concerns of being alone. Most hospitals have social workers, chaplains, and lots of volunteers. If you communicate your needs, I bet you could have some kind folks gladly stop by to check on you.

Also, I don't know whether or not you practice a religion, but if you do, let your pastor know about your concerns. There are often people who would love to help you if they only knew how they could do so.

[MinaDina 89]

Thanks for your support everyone! I'm feeling ok about the alone part. Now just the usual pre-surgery nerves are setting in. My surgery date is August 4th and I've got the jitters. I'm an intense researcher of everything so I look at a lot of different angles and end up worrying myself for nothing. lol! I'm really gonna make an effort to try and engage in more activity on the forums. Who knows maybe I'll work myself up to going to a meeting. I really like the idea of volunteering as well. I've been wanting to volunteer at a homeless shelter in the city as well as the ASPCA. I'm going to look into those after I've dropped a few pounds.

[okiegirl1980 73]

http://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/barigroups.html

Free support groups. Anonymous also. If you need support reach out. You don't have to struggle alone.

[NikkiDoc 312]

Thanks for your support everyone! I'm feeling ok about the alone part. Now just the usual pre-surgery nerves are setting in. My surgery date is August 4th and I've got the jitters. I'm an intense researcher of everything so I look at a lot of different angles and end up worrying myself for nothing. lol! I'm really gonna make an effort to try and engage in more activity on the forums. Who knows maybe I'll work myself up to going to a meeting. I really like the idea of volunteering as well. I've been wanting to volunteer at a homeless shelter in the city as well as the ASPCA. I'm going to look into those after I've dropped a few pounds.

I vote for volunteering at the SPCA as soon as you are walking well and can handle walking a dog. The dogs will appreciate the walks and attention and you can get your exercise in at the same time. I am much more of an animal person anyway. Dogs don't care how much you weigh. And don't forget the kitties. Many of them appreciate a good snuggle.