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I don't want to go into details about my life but the more weight I loose the more distant my husband has become. I figured my weight loss would of had the opposite effect. I have invited him to the gym with me. I'm working more than before to help pay for some family summer trips. So needless to say our quality time is limited. He makes remarks about my "boyfriend" he thinks I might have. I get the cold shoulder constantly. I literally work 50+ hrs a week and go to the gym and I'm home with the kids. Why do I feel so guilty for that? I just wasn't prepared for this! Also before I lost weight everything was great. We may of had a small handful of arguments in the last 5 years of marriage. And yes I have invited him to the gym and been denied. Has anyone had this happen to them?

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Very common. If you want to maintain your marriage then get into couple's counseling fast. It's very common for couples to get divorced after one person loses a great deal of weight.

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Raising hand screammmming.... oh oh oh.. Me me me..... Except it's my husband of 25 years.

in fact Friday when we had a "talk" he actually told me that he loved me more when i was fat. So i told him i loved him more when he f**ked me more than twice in 8 months.....(sorry, but that's what was said) I sugar coat nothing.

I have said this to many people here and friends.... WLS changes people, not just physically, but how we view ourselves and how others view us.

We see ourselves accomplishing things we never thought we would/could have... for one, losing weight, actually liking to go the the gym, being around other people, living life....

Others see us as being selfish..... conceded, self absorbed... Only because it's not all about them anymore... its about us and what we are doing to make ourselves feel better.

I know some people here are going to say.... i haven't changed, my spouse loved me before and loves me now.... well goody goody gumdrop for you..... now get your head out the sand and be honest... WE ALL change in one way or the other.... whether it's physically or mentally.... WE ALL change.

Your husband is upset because you are doing what you need to do to get your life back on the right track. He prob. see you losing weight and gaining confidence and along with that comes the attention from others... He is afraid of losing you... be careful with him... don't let him do to you what mine did to me.... control...control... control.... Mine cancelled the gym membership because he said i was "skinny enough". What he can't handle is his insecurities.... and it told him Friday.. I'm never going back to where i was... Never .... Just to sooth his ego.

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I'm sorry that's happening to you. It's very odd I expected this to be a positive thing for the both of us and it is not. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

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i know i thought so too.... but nope... went the other way instead. Im sorry for you too

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Military spouse here. My husband is about to be deployed in October ( not our first or probably last deployment). He's made silly little comments about me "hurting" him on deployment, or some how sneaking around. When obviously that's not who we are and we've never been that. And we just had to have some serious conversation about it. He believes I have more "options" now. And maybe your husband does as well? I just reassured him and reminded him that were in this together. I hope it works out!

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I'm having the same issue too. I thought that by losing weight, it might spice things up again, but my husband hasn't once acknowledged my weight loss, or told me I look nice....not once! And I've lost over 80lbs in 3 months!

I find I'm almost starting to resent him.

I'm shocked and saddened that this is how things are going between us. We've been together 20 years.

I'm sorry that there are others going through this same type of thing

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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I'm sorry. I feel the same way. I'm hoping that we can figure this out. I want to be happy with life that's one of the reasons I made the decision for surgery.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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