What would you do?

[needtorecover 574]

I had WLS in December - and I am already SO GLAD I did it. My mom told me my uncle was inspired by my decision and he wants to look into getting a Lap Band as well. He's 69 years old and I'd guess around 400 pounds. He's a really big guy and I was really glad to hear that he wants to have WLS because I feel like it would be really, really good for him.

Well, my cousin (who has never had a weight problem) talked him out of it because she's afraid he'll die during surgery. Surgery on anyone close to 70 is risky, I'm guessing, and probably even riskier for someone who is morbidly obese.

However, his risk of death right now at his weight is pretty high, right? In my mind, losing weight would save his life. I think he's attempting to lose weight now without surgery but he's done that many times already and failed.

I want to talk to my cousin about it but I'm conflicted because it's really not my place to stick my nose in their business. But at the same time I feel like she may be misinformed and is causing my uncle more harm than good.

What would you all do in this situation? Stay out of it or try to gently nudge them into at least considering the benefits of WLS?

[Essence46 493]

Wow! This is a tough one. Really though. My first thought was if this was something he really wanted, he wouldn't be talked out of doing it. Honestly, I would stay out of. Just my thoughts. Good luck!

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Does your cousin have a medical background? If not, they may be over reacting.

That is a legitimate concern, but in the case of your Uncle, a first and second WLS surgeon's, cardiologist & PCP's opinions and medical diagnostic tests should show if he is able to have this surgery.

He should try to lose as much weight as he can prior to the surgery, it will lower the chance of a complication.

I don't have statistics, but the risk of dying from a comorbidity of obesity at his age may exceed the risk of the surgery.

Edited March 14, 2016 by 4MRB4PHOTO

[JamieLogical 8,727]

I feel like I might talk to my cousin about it directly, Maybe not even to try to change her mind, but just to try to understand what her concerns are. Once you have more information, you can try to figure out how to proceed from there. Just don't go into the conversation with your cousin thinking you are going to be able to convince her of anything. That will probably put her on the defensive immediately.

[liannatx 897]

​I would stay out of it. If he is remotely interested he will look into further.

​

[GibbsGirl 483]

Just my opinion, but the fact your open and available to talk if they need you is enough. Maybe as they see you succeed they might be more open.

Just my opinion, but the fact your open and available to talk if they need you is enough. Maybe as they see you succeed they might be more open.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

What @@liannatx said.

There's no point in telling adults things they already know and I suspect that both your uncle and cousin know that his weight is not good for him. If he decides to pick up the trail again, he can attend an info seminar and your cousin can go with him if he wishes. But don't make the suggestion unless either of them revisits the subject with you.

As an aside, all surgeries have risk for patients of all ages.

[Valentina 2,642]

You already are "speaking" to him---by setting a good example of how WLS can help.

When he's ready, he will find you. Then you can have a truly meaningful conversation.

He's 70yrs? So??????????? Does he have a dementia of any kind? If not, he has made his life's decisions this far. Don't treat him like he's feeble minded. He will resent the treatment--and you.

Wait until you are 69yrs. Being 70 won't seem old at all!

[needtorecover 574]

Thanks all - I will just stay out of it but will answer questions if he approaches me. I hope he reconsiders but my cousin can be overbearing when it comes to my uncle. She's a daddy's girl, always has been, and I know she's terrified to lose him. But really, his healthcare team should be the one making the call on whether or not surgery is safe for him.

@@Valentina - When I mentioned his age I did not imply he's feeble minded nor incapable of making his own decisions. Of course he is - it's ultimately his choice what he decides to do. I have a lot of respect for my uncle - he's the godfather of my baby. I am annoyed with my cousin for what I believe is selfish behavior. She's had him wrapped around her finger since the day she was born and her ability to get her way has nothing to do with his age.