I am alone in this

[crazygoose 190]

Hi, I am new to this forum and I'm very glad that I've found it. I am pre-op for the gastric sleeve and next week I have an appointment with the surgeon to get a care package with the liquid diet and such. I do not know the date of my surgery but I know it should be very close, however the anticipation and excitement of this life changing journey has now been replaced with anxiety and aggravation. I don't know anyone who has had the surgery personally, closest I've came was by watching videos of people who had it on youtube (Clusie L makes awesome videos btw). I know one person who knows someone who has had the surgery and she showed me a picture of the woman however, she looked tired, pale and sickly and her hair looked very thin and to be honest that sort of scared me.

My family is not happy about me having the gastric sleeve surgery and they are not supportive whatsoever. They always say negative things about it and suggest I lose weight the "right way" which I have tried many times. They keep telling me that I could die if I have it and I am aware of that possibility but I will also die if I don't lose weight. I am 32 years old, 5'3 and been fluctuating between 330-370 pounds since July 2015. (I'm not 370 right now, but I weigh somewhere between 340-350). I have diabetes, severe sleep apnea, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I also have poly cystic ovarian syndrome. I want the surgery to aid me in getting rid of some of these health problems if not, all of them.

It's just hard not having the support of my family. I have no friends either. The reason why is because I was in a very bad situation and there was a period of time where I was so depressed that I spent 4 years isolated in my bedroom and would not leave the house for months at a time. I hated and feared people and felt too fat and hideous to be seen. Since then I went to a crisis rehab and got the help that I needed and I have been fighting to get back on my feet and remain stable ever since.

I have overcome a lot in the past year and I am working and fighting hard to change into the person I want to be and while my family has supported my efforts to further my education, my efforts to start working again, and my efforts to live on my own, they will not support me in getting bariatric surgery and whenever the topic is brought up their feedback is instantly negative and I'm being constantly discouraged and told that I can't do it or it won't work for me and that I'll die from it. I don't even know if I will have someone to help me after the surgery. Its frustrating and I feel like it is starting to diminish my faith in myself. I know for a fact that when I am committed to doing something its all or nothing; I give 100% which is why I believe that I will follow the diet closely and do everything that I'm supposed to do because I want this change to happen badly enough and I want to work hard to become a success.

[rastus 35]

Finding a new family might help!

Dying is absolutely stupid stuff....

If you are 100% on board with what needs to be done you will be laughing @ all of these folk in a year or so after you have had a successful surgery

[Steph~L~16 168]

We have a lot in common. I started at 340 & also with health issues. The PCOS was the last straw for me to decide having surgery. My surgery will be apr 20.

Please don't let others discourage you. I experienced a little of that but I just kept praying for the right thing to do and the surgery was approved. I look at it this way- I don't know the exact outcome for what it will be like after surgery but I do know what will happen if I don't & I don't wish to continue living with those health issues. I wish you all the best! If you need to talk let me know!

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[Dub 10,067]

You are far, far from alone.

You've found a great place to hang out and bounce thoughts and ideas around with folks that have been where you are.

It absolutely sucks to not have family support. That is something that is beyond your span of control.

Right now it's time to rally and focus. Don't worry about things that you have no direct control over. Simply take care of the details that you can.....such as getting all your ducks in a row leading up to surgery.....following your eating plan and getting your mind wrapped firmly about the changes that you're making to claim your health.

Any type of surgery has risks. I've heard the spiel each time I went under for repairs to my knees, ankle, hernia repairs and etc. Each time I woke up feeling relieved that it was over and all that was left was to heal and recover. I'm a special kind of stupid, though, in that I'm always tearing something up in some misadventure or another. Oh well......having fun has it's risks, too.

Nothing is as risky as living at the weight I was last year, though. The Grim Reaper's shadow was creeping over me. Stroke, heart attack or worse was a real threat.

Now......nothing could be further from my mind. The sleeve was a gift. The benefits it has delivered have been rolling in ever since. It starts with small things....scale moving in a great direction, clothes getting loose, aches and pains subsiding.......then it leads to other events.......having blood pressure go into normal range, after falling into "low" range briefly....lol at those low bp feels....never before had I experienced it. I was at Best Buy reaching down to get a CD from the lower shelf and I almost.....almost blacked out. It took a huge effort to get upright and breathing. Turns out my bp meds and the 3 week post-sleeve weight loss had joined forces bigtime. Funny stuff.

I will wager this for you...........Those unsupportive folks will change their tune once they see your resolve. They will see that you aren't waiting around for a miracle, but taking steps and applying your effort and focus to make this happen. They can't help but be impressed by your dedication and work. It takes dedication and effort on your part of the sleeve to work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The stuff about being able to eat anything the first year and still lose lots of weight is bullcrap. It may apply to some.....but not to everyone. Eating the right foods is the crucial part for me. Sugars and starches will cause my losing to stop and weight gain to occur. I know this because I've had it happen last month.

No.....losing weight takes effort on your part.....with or without wls. Once your family sees you putting forth this effort every single day.....and your weight coming off......they will most likely come around to supporting you. Don't hold your breath, though......just do your thing. Get healthy and reap the benefits of getting there. You'll find your stride and never look back.

I have nothing but respect for you making this change. You are young and have a great life waiting for you. Don't sweat the pre-op diet and post-op first weeks......simply stick with the plan and work through it. It's a brief phase and you'll get on to losing very quickly if you stick with it. Go buy a full length mirror and get ready to see the progress....take lots of pictures along the way so you'll never forget what happens if you don't stay with the plan......and then look back and see how far you came and how good you feel.

You've got this.

Your new life is waiting......

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Just want to say that a lot of people aren't supported by their families. (I say that to let you know you're not alone.)

This is especially rough on people who are even younger than you -- children, teenagers, young adults -- whose families want to control them in ways that aren't commensurate with their own values. It's very apparent in some families I'm close to right now. I really do feel for the kids!

Making your own decisions and having the strength of your own convictions is a part of growing up. And separating your behavior from your family's values is sometimes part of that transition.

You'll find support -- online, at your surgeon's office, perhaps in a real-live support group, perhaps at school.

You can do this.

[nysweetest1 51]

I empathize with you. I'm sorry that you are not getting the support from your family. But you are making the right decision. Do it for you. You will be glad and grateful that you did. Stay encouraged. I'm also here if you need to talk.

[perforce 243]

I watch Clusie's videos too. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive, but you're not doing them for them, you're doing it for you. This is your chance to restart your life and not be afraid to go out and meet people because you are self-conscious. The people who look pale or sickly are often people who do not follow their Vitamin requirements etc, if you're following instructions there is no reason for that to be you.

[Babbs 14,681]

Stick with us, kid. You've got all of us to support you.

Here's the cold, hard truth. Is there a chance you could die having the surgery? Absolutely, albeit small. Is there a chance you could die without the surgery? Absolutely, and a much higher one at that.

You do what's in your heart. If you know this surgery is right for you (minus a few fears that each and every one of us has experienced), then go for it. I know sometimes it's hard to move forward with something when your'e not getting the support from family, but the bravest people forge ahead anyway knowing it's what they want or need to do.

Look at all of our profile pictures. Do we look tired and sickly? Most of us are happy and thriving, and you will be too.

Be brave. I know you got it in you. Find support elsewhere. This is your chance to shine, damn it!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

You've had a long, uphill journey, but see how far you've come.

People who have the medical issues you've listed are freed from them after losing weight. Other health issues are greatly improved. That is signicant, indeed.

If your surgery practice has support groups, start attending. You can also check with other hospitals in your area, as most welcome people from other practices to attend their groups. Not only will you find support and expand your world, you may even develop a friendship or two that goes beyond the group. Of course, take part here in BP, too.

As an adult, you have a say in the food on the family table or, at least, which of it goes into your mouth. Your family is negative about surgery out of ignorance. It may matter very much, however, that they are generally supportive and loving. Invite them to a couple of support meetings with you. When they hear and talk with others who have had surgery or or planning for it, they'll have an opportunity to better understand. Their getting insights may also make things easier for you, as trying to make your own family understand often is a task and a half. In the end, if they are still opposed, well, so be it. This is about your life, your health and your future.

[ava32 48]

They need to understand that if you don't have the surgery you have a greater chance of "dying". I have a weight loss account on Instagram and it has been a blessing as well as this app. The center where I'll be having my surgery host support groups twice a month. You should find out if there are any WLS support groups in your area. Stay strong and block out the naysayers. I too have family who are against me having surgery but I don't care. Good luck!

[nervousnelly719 68]

This is going to be life changing for you. I wish you all the best!

[shellyd88 463]

I can't add much to this as I agree with everyone's response don't let unsupportive ppl derail your hard work to this point and beyond to surgery and after you shouldn't need any help after the sleeve is a easy procedure with little pain after you will be nauseas but they will give you meds for that follow your diet and instruction u will be absolutely fine some ppl just like preaching and feeling superior to others don't allow it in your mind if they can't support they need to keep freaking quiet speak up for yourself sometimes we have to be our own cheerleaders and we can't count on others to be there when we need it I've found they ask and expect us to drop everything tho well now u put yourself first and let them figure out how to run their own life and stop trying to run yours

Edited March 6, 2016 by shellyd88

[katanne 215]

You are FAR from the only one of us who has an unsupportive family. When I told my father I was going to have WLS, he snapped, "Why don't you get some Botox while you're at it?" He views WLS as vanity-oriented and unnecessary, when it's anything but in my case. I'm doing this because I don't want to die young from a hypertension-induced cerebral hemorrhage like my grandfather, or develop type 2 diabetes like my dad, or become completely bedbound from osteoarthritis like my mom, or develop congestive heart failure like my cousin, etc., etc., etc.

You know YOUR reasons for your WLS, and those are the only reasons you need. As others have said, you have us, and this site is available 24/7 anytime you need it.

And you're not the only one with a history of bad depression....I went through a horrible time where I barely left my house, too, and lost most of my friends. It gets better. I swear it does. You'll gain so much confidence when you lose weight and be able to do so many more things, and hence make new friends along the way.

[Glamour Girl143 7]

Hello mines 3/21

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[davsgdiva 4]

I completely understand where you are coming from. My family didn't support my decision either but I didn't ask them what they think. I just told them my decision and went from there. No, they didn't like it but it isnt their life. Also my last straw was when I was diagnosed with PCOS. When you have PCOS it makes it harder to lose weight crazy cycles painful cramps infertility and depression so my Dr recommended the sleeve (after I mentioned it). Currently, I'm waiting on insurance to approve (should be this coming week) I'm ready to start my healthy life find a hubby start a family. You are not alone. Go for it. Its your life not theirs. If its really in your heart....follow it.

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