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I don't think it was meant to be an insult



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But people say the darndest things on coffee dates, the meet and greet.

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I just started again with trying to meet someone. Have gone on a few coffee dates that have gone well etc but yesterday I had something funny happen. I show up and he blurts out "you are beautiful, you look better than your pictures".... pause and in a somewhat suspicious tone "why don't you have a boyfriend?"

I made a joke of it saying something like "I know, right? And laughed it off.

What I really felt is that I have wondered this myself. My whole life I have been the obese, asexual looking woman and basically had to rely on my charming personality. Now, I get all these affirmations on my appearance but still haven't met someone lasting....and there is the twinge of self doubt...maybe it IS my personality!

Then I remind myself it is not lack of opportunity it's more that I am pretty picky I guess. But for a moment - I did feel kind of "put down" - ha. Luckily I get over it fast and we had a nice meeting.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

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It is not your personality. You may not be accustomed to the compliments (which were well deserved prior to your surgery). So now that you're getting tons of them, it feels weird. You deserve the adoration. So get used to it! Besides, He probably didn't mean it in a bad way. He's could be someone that gives weird, although well meaning, compliments.

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@@CowgirlJane, darling, no way was it a put-down. Au contraire, he was marveling at the fact that a creature wondrous as you consented to coffee with him and, further, that it is his good fortune to even dream of the possibility of a future with you. Your take on his comment is unfounded and it's a shame when old insecurities rear their heads. The emotions workbench is like the handyman's workbench: There's always something more that needs doing. It matters very much that you're not retreating from seeking what you want.

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Take a breath. Be kind to yourself. You got this. You just haven't realized it yet.

You've had your share of years of self doubt about your body. Now this self confidence in the "new you" will take a wee bit of time to get used to.

Rely on your instincts. I feel you have really good ones.

Nothing but sunny days and starry nights for you, friend.(and your new friend).

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Last year I drove a lot for UBER in order to help pay for my surgery, since insurance wouldn't help.

I haven't driven since the end of last year. So, today I had driven to the mall to do some "power walking" and flippantly turned on the app just to see if it still worked. Lo and behold I got a ride. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE the difference in the way I was perceived (and maybe the way I handled myself). The rider was much more friendly and conversational than what I was accustomed to. So, that was fun, and I decided to stay on for a bit. The second ride was the same way. People were much friendlier. Now was it just a coincidence, or maybe my attitude? Maybe, but I don't think so. The world is not nearly as open minded as we would like to think. I am happy about the new personalities due to my weight loss but sad about our culture.

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Well -- as is often said around here -- maybe you're acting differently now, too.

Social interactions are chock full of subtle, subtle cues. It's possible your cues have changed.

:)

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It was mostly funny. What was awesome is we had dogs so mine had a chance to be people and dog socialized. About 10 people stopped to pet the dogs.

I was on a dinner date tonight. He volunteered that I look 46. I realize that means 5 years younger, nice compliment. I just found it funny to say specifically a not round number... 46.

I am sure I say odd or unintentionally funny things too.

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That is funny. I always think people give away their true thoughts when they least realize it. I am sure he really was wondering what's wrong with you that you are still on the market, though I doubt he meant to convey that or insult you. We know there's nothing wrong with you, but there's no way that guy could know it. I'm sure he was very happy with his findings. I'm enjoying living vicariously through you ;)

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I just started again with trying to meet someone. Have gone on a few coffee dates that have gone well etc but yesterday I had something funny happen. I show up and he blurts out "you are beautiful, you look better than your pictures".... pause and in a somewhat suspicious tone "why don't you have a boyfriend?"

When a man asks me that, I usually think he has low self esteem or self worth and I usually turn out to be right.

A confident person doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth when a beautiful lady sits across from them.

Dating a man that thinks you are too pretty for him, is a whole new set of problems.

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All I gotta say is YOU GO GIRL! ;) :) :D :D :D

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My interpretation of the gentleman's comment stays firm. It's some of the responses among this handful that are making my eyes cross. Check yourselves, folks. There's more to losing weight than losing weight.

Edited by WLSResources/ClothingExch

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It was mostly funny. What was awesome is we had dogs so mine had a chance to be people and dog socialized. About 10 people stopped to pet the dogs.

I was on a dinner date tonight. He volunteered that I look 46. I realize that means 5 years younger, nice compliment. I just found it funny to say specifically a not round number... 46.

I am sure I say odd or unintentionally funny things too.

Watch that, Missy. Mr. coffee with Dogs was expressing sheer appreciation.

It would be wonderful if Mr. 46 chose the funny number because he possesses wry wit, in which case, I'll take him.

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To the OP...

As a man who is really crappy at the boy/girl thing, I'd hazard a guess that your man there has meant nothing but good things from his outburst...

No matter how well we've rehearsed our lines or worked out what we want to say, sometimes we just say EXACTLY what we're thinking...

If what is blurted out sounds bad, it's not meant to...

It's a genuine reaction to whatever is before us..

In my opinion, the man was well pleased with what he had discovered and simply said what was on his mind...

And let's face it - There should probably be a little more of that kinda thing in our lives...

Enjoy!!

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Sounds like he was just wanting to make sure that you are available to pursue.

From what I have heard from you on this forum for the last two years, I think you are an awesome person, and I would not mind being your neighbor.

Now, as for picky........if he treats you kindly and handles you gently, everything else can be overcome.

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