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Still struggling, but hanging in there.



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So I was reading a post of mine from a few months back. Generally the post was about my ongoing battle with depression and body image problems. Unfortunately I'm still going through these issues, and they were there long before my surgery, therefore they're not going anywhere unless I take action.

Moving on from that, I've noticed that I have refrained from being active. This not only helped me physically, but mentally as well. I've just long interest in so many things that made me happy like exercise, getting my nails done, and other personal grooming/me time. Don't get me wrong I still partake in other "me time" rituals. But the most important ones have stopped.

It's a little disappointing to say that I'm almost two years post-op, maintaining my weight, but really depressed. I suppose this is common for many of us as we no longer have the satisfaction of watching the scale drop. We are then left to face real life and the real world. On top of that I'm at a complicated stage in life as it is. I'm a senior in college, and will be graduating in 7months. I have massive anxiety about the future and my career. Overall I just miss feeling happy, I miss that high I once had when I first had my surgery. I'm determined to find it again though.

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I thought of several things as I was reading your post. I've been battling chronic depression and anxiety since I was 14 years old. You have done an awesome thing getting yourself through college while dealing with depression, anxiety and weight loss surgery. You deserve a round of applause! When I was your age, I was chasing that "high" or any good feeling with a lot of self medicating with food, alcohol and other things. I don't suggest going that direction because it just made me more depressed than ever. I went through some therapy but that didn't really help much either. I finally sought help from a good doctor. He explained that some people have severe chemical imbalances in their brains that cause depression. I started on antidepressants at that time. I was really really really lucky that the first one we tried worked well for me, we have adjusted medication over the years when needed. The truth is that science does not know enough about depression yet, as in doctors really have to guess what medication to start you on and sometimes it can take a while to find the right one. Another thing that came to mind is that I always have to carefully watch myself during February because I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The theory is we get less sunlight during the winter months which affects our brain chemicals. During the winter months, and especially February, I can't watch movies about anything depressing. Like I usually enjoy movies about World War II but I do not watch them right now. I started watching a movie about civil war in Liberia during the '80's and started crying in the first five minutes. I watch comedies in February. I go outside several times a day when the sun is out and just stroll around with my dog. Or sit out in the sun. It doesn't take long for these things to help me. So, I'm just relating my experiences here. Not trying to be an expert, just saying what has helped me. I hope and wish you the very best and that you will find something to help you through this time.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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