All Of Me. Wow.

[gowalking 10,790]

I haven't even finished watching it yet and it has me in tears. I know these women, I know and understand their stories. I see some that I recognize from 600 lb. life by the way.

Everything they are talking about..the shame, the 'acceptance', the men who are attracted to them...the weight loss, the struggle..it all resonates. I also know why I never ever tried to date when I was obese. I am NOT interested in men who are interested in fat women. I don't want to judge but this is a fetish same as any other.

Mostly though, I'm paying attention to things like 'thinking like a thin person' or seeing ourselves as fat even if we are not any longer...or how we change on the inside as we change on the outside. Likely I focus on this because my weight loss journey has ended. I'm in maintenance now and am exploring ways to cope with my issues so my maintenance lasts the rest of my life. I just posted that I ate cold spaghetti the other day right out of the pot. I did that before being banded and doing it again after three years scared the crap out of me. That is an old behavior yet those behaviors don't go away...we just keep them at bay.

I want to have this documentary to go to whenever my resolve is weak. This is such a cautionary tale for me...it shows me what can happen if I'm not keeping on top of my addiction. It shows me how easy it is to pretend the weight doesn't matter when it does. It shows me that I can't ever go back there again.

My god...this is all kinds of horrifying for me but yet I have to watch and remind myself I'm not cured. Never cured. I have to compartmentalize The Fat Girl. I need to keep her hidden so I can be normal but make sure to never forget that she lurks and can get the better of me if I'm not careful.

If you haven't seen this show yet...watch it before it's not available online for free anymore.

[Healthy_life2 8,322]

@@gowalking

Could you post the link again

[gowalking 10,790]

@@gowalking

Could you post the link again

http://www.bariatricpal.com/page/all_of_me.html

[Cervidae 2,389]

Watching this documentary put a LOT of stuff into perspective for me. I've been dating an amazing guy for almost 4 years, and we've lived together for 2. I plan on marrying this person. However, there's always been a small part of me that felt incredibly insecure about my body and the fact that fat is not his type. Before dating him, I was often with people who were SUPER into me physically. I'm the fat fetishist's dream - I have a pretty face and a big belly, and this fact was a sort of surrogate form of self-esteem for me for a long time. But Michael and I met online, through a mutual friend who played World of Warcraft with him. We fell in love on accident before he even knew what I looked like, and while I have never doubted how much he cares for me and wants to be with me, I always sort of worried that he was secretly grossed out by me despite the fact that we have always had frequent and wonderful sex.

While I was watching All Of Me and seeing these poor women watch their marriages and friendships fall apart just because they are trying to get healthy and live longer made me realize how lucky I am. I realized that I've always sort of see-sawed between using my looks to obtain what was essentially a shallow form of intimacy and feeling so self-conscious and disgusting, like no one could ever find me attractive. Like I deserved to feel like a defective human that would never find real love, because that's what I've been taught by most of the people around me. I felt so beaten down and worthless based on the actions of general society toward me that I sought acceptance and affection in the fetish community, just like the women in All Of Me. As I shrink and slowly become a "normal" person (physically, at least! ) and see that Michael's love for me has never wavered and never been superficial, I can see how easily these women could have been me.

I have no idea how I got so lucky.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Cervidae

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

I watched this over the weekend, and it made me so sad. And, like those of you who posted about this already, scared me a little. I haven't met goal yet. I still struggle with grazing. But, I am still in the losing phase. If I don't get a handle on the grazing now, what will become of me once I hit maintenance? I am really glad to be a part of this group, so if I lose control and fess up.....someone will virtually slap me and set me straight. Thank you, virtual friends.

[liannatx 897]

Haven't seen it... thanks for the link.

[Healthy_life2 8,322]

I have seen the post of how life can change after a drastic weight loss. I was not prepared for having my own experiences with it. I'm so glad the movie touched on many issues that most of us have in common.

We had the chance to watch it free. Is this going to be released for TV soon?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

The movie's occasionally shown on public television stations and on cable network stations.

I saw it 2 or 3 years ago before I had WLS. I think I should see it again from this perspective.

[Traveling_T 2]

@Cervidae

I agree completely with your post!

We have a lot in common, lol. My fiance and I also met on WoW and didn't actually get to see each other until 8 months into the relationship. We watched the movie together and as I am 2 weeks post-op, I couldn't relate for the most part. I have an awesome support system in him, my children, co-workers, etc. However, before 2007, I probably wouldn't have been able to say that. He follows the same meal plan that I am on, with occasional changes, even in the pre-op stage. I can say that I have ever had this much support in my life and we have discussed how my weight loss might change my way of thinking. You know what he did when I told him I was scared that I would change too much? He took me in his arms, looked me in the eyes and said "Don't you worry about that, because we are in this together. As long as we have communication, there isn't any change that will come between us."

And that is why I proposed to him. He's a keeper!

[borg/assimilated 576]

I hated this documentary. I couldn't relate to the women ( except perhaps the one who had surgery and lost a lot of weight and was working hard at it). I thought those women were disgusting and most of their lives depressing and pathetic. Hmmmm am I being too harsh? I just cannot find any sympathy, and usually I am not that unfeeling. I was relieved when it was finished.

[Cervidae 2,389]

@@Traveling_T that's so great! We found a couple of keepers, eh?