Or maybe it still is.

So a week ago I joined eHarmony. After a week, there are still NO matches for me within 100 miles. SERIOUSLY??????

I also joined OKCupid. Oyyy. Here's the week's rundown on who has contacted me:

6 guys who claim they are in the army and are deployed overseas. One guy's picture showed him wearing his army uniform incorrectly, and when I called him on it, he said "bye then." One guy who asked me my name (my first name is in my screen name like here). I replied, "Oh c'mon, you know my name." Then when he didn't respond, I said, "I'm losing faith in you, Mr. Smith (the name on his uniform). You know my name. Or is your name really Akwa from Nigeria??" He responded "ok bye". The jury is still out on whether the other 4 are legit or not.

One FBI agent, three Secret Service agents, and one British Intelligence Agent. Of course, NONE of them can really talk about themselves, but will "tell all when we meet". Yeah. Uh huh.

About 25 really bad scammers. Since I used to work for a kink site that had a dating section, I can spot them a mile away. Their messages go like this: "Am John by name. Am kind, am hardworking, am loyal. Seeking for honest woman."

Oh yes, another relatively-new scammer tactic... they use the word TACO in their screen name. Like this: John_taco or Jimbanx_taco. Not sure why they all suddenly think the word "taco" is appropriate.

Another two dozen guys that are looking for someone local (on their profiles) but are a minimum of 1,000 miles away. Not really sure what their deal is.

Two guys that are local to me, and another one 40 miles away. These three I might actually meet. I like the 40-mile guy the most, of course, since that's the one that's the most difficult logistically. For these three, I contacted them first.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the 22 year old who wanted "Mommy-son roleplay." No. Just... no.

Edited January 22, 201610 yr by Sharon1964

An update, now that I've journeyed into match dot com land.

There were 2313 possible matches within 50 miles of me. I have now hidden the profiles of exactly 2000 of them. A lot of them were looking for "slender and athletic women only". Why match would think that was a good "mutual match" for me, I'll never know.

Others were obviously 20 years older than they claim to be, by their pictures. Seriously, if you say you're 50 and you look 70 or 80, well, just no. Call me shallow if you will.

Others were chronically unemployed or underemployed. I've dealt with that before in a relationship, and I can't do it again. Just. Can't.

The scammers contact me there as well, although the stats aren't as interesting (yet) as okcupid. I've had only one "special forces" guy who can't tell me where he is. The rest were just unimaginative in their scam.

I'm not disheartened. Maybe just cranky. Or constipated. COFFEE!

Hang in there girl!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh!

I feel your pain ????

An update, now that I've journeyed into match dot com land.

There were 2313 possible matches within 50 miles of me. I have now hidden the profiles of exactly 2000 of them. A lot of them were looking for "slender and athletic women only". Why match would think that was a good "mutual match" for me, I'll never know.

Others were obviously 20 years older than they claim to be, by their pictures. Seriously, if you say you're 50 and you look 70 or 80, well, just no. Call me shallow if you will.

Others were chronically unemployed or underemployed. I've dealt with that before in a relationship, and I can't do it again. Just. Can't.

The scammers contact me there as well, although the stats aren't as interesting (yet) as okcupid. I've had only one "special forces" guy who can't tell me where he is. The rest were just unimaginative in their scam.

I'm not disheartened. Maybe just cranky. Or constipated. COFFEE!

At least you don't get the obvious Russian scams. (Sigh). Guys get sooo many. But at least the pics were interesting. ????. And don't think you are the only one. I had one coffee date where she showed up with her oxygen tank. Yes it is a goofy game but it is the only game in town. And when it works it is SOOOOO worth it.

The truth is that most of the men on the dating sites and many of the women are just looking to hook up and they are just looking for Ms. Right Now, not Ms. Right.

Those not looking for a quickie are looking to rip off your life savings, they don't care if they ruin your life

But I have an interesting story too.

When I was 45 I went middle aged crazy, lost a lot of weight and as someone mentioned above I really needed someone to tell me I was special and pretty etc....

I tried some free online sites and then heard about the Phone line service where men and women could call and leave a recorded profile and then you could listen to the profiles of others in their own voice and if you liked them you could leave them a message and so on. Well, I placed my profile and got several messages and it was interesting and fun because it was free and I had nothing else to do.

The problem is that I begin to weed these guys out and realized pretty fast that the majority just wanted a sexual hookup.

Some were down right scary, a few were normal guys that I actually met but they just weren't for me. They were either much older than they said, much uglier than they said, or more married than they said.

HOWEVER, just as I was about to give up on that service I got a very short message from a gentleman that actually sounded like a nice guy and I decided to take a chance and meet him. We decided to meet at IHOP and he came up on his Harley complete with doo-rag and I was think.....awww hell no I'm no cycle mama.

He came in and introduced himself and he wasn't a stunner but kind of sweet looking. He was skinny, I outweighed him by 50lbs even then. His wife had died of cancer the year before and he was about to head off on a motorcycle trip for a few days.

Anyway, we had Breakfast I really enjoyed the time and I thought he did too, we were there for probably 2 hours. When he left I went home and realized I had a nice time and a free breakfast so it was worth the morning anyway. About 4 days later I got a call from him asking me out and I said yes. We went to a flea market and out to lunch and again had a good time. We spent much of that day together.

Within 2 weeks I knew I wanted this guy in my life. That was 1997 -we became exclusive and a year later I moved in with him. 2 Years later we were married and we have now been married for 15 years. This guy is a prince, he is kind and supportive and caring and has a fabulous sense of humor which is a blessing because I am KARAZY. I love him to pieces and he treats me better than I deserve.

The funny part of this whole deal is that after we moved in together I was reading an article in the paper and they mentioned this service as a PHONE SEX LINE! LOL That answered a lot of niggling questions about the weirdos that left messages. Apparently even though it was free for women, the men had to pay by the MINUTE and my husband never knew that either because he had used it on a free promotion just to try to meet a nice woman. If you knew my hubby you would know he was being truthful.

All I can say is that GOD was watching over me.

This is a great story. I just argue that not everyone is there to hook up, at least as their goal. At my age most have been married. We are used to having sex as part of relationship. It's not like when we were in our teens and twenties. And add to that many miss the physical intimacy they had when they were married. So keep that in mind and give others some grace. I am not against safe indiscriminate romps, but I recognize that this is not without risks and not for everyone. Sex is NOT intimacy. But for me it is an important element. So I do think it is part of the matrix before committing to someone. It would stink to find out on your wedding night your partners total package doesn't work for you. This does not mean I am advocating sex on the first date. Far from it, I am just trying to give any lurkers some perspective.

Obviously some are there for the real thing or my husband and I would have never met!

Loving this thread!

Well, you made me laugh!

I'm sorry!!

BTW

I have tried online dating sites and even Eharmony. GOD the psyche eval was a crock.

Eventually, since I am a gamer chick I ended up meeting my now husband online. I had joined a guild he was in, and he was in charge of my class, we were friends for awhile and then it just grew. I love him SO MUCH and he says he feels the same way. We're married nearly five years now. =)

PS He is having his sleeve in about 7 months. =)

Ok, when I retire somewhere sunny I am gonna write the book on post bariatric dating - I think a special hell for the over 50 crowd. There are several of you that damn well be keeping notes for this book of mine. Whilst I have enough stories of my own for an actual mini series, I think our unique collection of crazy stories would make for some good belly laughs.

Did I tell you about the guy, first date and I was so enchanted with him I let him drive me back to my car because it was so cold...as we kissed goodnight he actually stuck his hand into my pants and yes, made contact. I think that was technically sexual assault but my reaction seemed to startle him more than it did me. Needless to say, that ass hat never saw me again.

I get at least 5 matches a day from eH. I live in a metro area though.

I have been on dating sites since I got divorced in 2010. I refuse to pay for them or for the enhanced versions of them. I have had 2 relationships that went past a few dates, but didn't work out for one reason or another.

Since my surgery, the number of messages I get has increased dramatically, although the number of viable prospects has not. I have decided that there is a reason most of these guys are single... I have gotten pretty good at weeding out the weirdos and scammers, but occasionally, one slips through to a coffee or lunch date. I have little pet names for them. In the last couple weeks I have met:

"Naked Skype Guy" ... chatting on the POF site is cumbersome, so he wanted to skype. I said ok, since he didn't have a pic on his profile and I was curious. So, after talking on skype for a few minutes (he seemed so normal), I walk away from the screen to let my dog out, and come back to...yep, full frontal nudity. I suspect he only had a shirt on to begin with. He wants to meet for coffee or a drink, LOL (maybe if he had looked better naked...)

"The groper" Talked and texted with a guy for about a week. We seemed to have some chemistry and decided to meet for coffee. So, 2:30 in the afternoon, at Tim Horton's, after talking for a few minutes, he suddenly takes my hand, kisses it, and moves it to HIS thigh. I pulled my hand back and laughed at how forward he was being. He tries it again. I finally crossed my arms in front of me. Then I felt his hand on my thigh. I don't know what this guy thought was going to happen in a coffee shop.

"vanishing engineer" Chatted online for over two weeks, finally met him for drinks after work. We talked for well over an hour. He's my age, intelligent, has a job, divorced, etc. When we left, he walked me to my car and we kissed good night. Messaged me the next day to say that he enjoyed our date and wanted to see me again. I said I would like that too..... never heard from him again.

I have found there are people on the dating sites that just want to talk online or text forever. I suspect they are married or have some other issue they aren't disclosing.

I have also had a few "nice" dates that I had no chemistry with. I don't mind those. I learn something about myself with each one.

I recently had 3 dates with a guy I met on POF. He's my age, attractive, funny, highly intelligent, financially secure, etc. I am cautiously optimistic enough to hide my profiles. There has to be a reason this guy is single.....

OK, somehow this thread is getting even better.

Well at least you guys have confirmed that my choice to never join a dating website was the correct one! But it also makes me think I'm the only single person on the planet that is perfectly happy being single. I outgrew the desire to waste my time dating back in my mid-30's. The only two dates I've had in the last 15 years were forced upon me by "friends" trying to hook me up after my VSG. one turned out to be a stalker who finally moved on to his next victim after 6 months of bugging me and the other was arrested for beating up the next gal he dated after me.

I must say, the only downside to being single is the fact that no one ever throws us parties and we don't get wedding or bridal shower presents. Hey, just because I like being single doesn't mean I don't like presents!

From a guy's perspective the experience can be very similar. I had a profile on Match for some time but set it to hidden last summer. I learned through this that the women I was interested in weren't interested in me. I guess I had 'champagne tastes on a beer budget' so to speak. This was actually a big motivating factor for me to go through WLS, so that I would be more attractive to those I found attractive as well.

As I'm about halfway through my weight loss journey I decided to wade back into the mix to see what was out there, so I updated my profile and opened it back up this week.

So far I've gotten three nice "winks" from attractive young women who claim to be in my area. However there seems to be some commonality to their profiles. First, they each only have one photo. Second, their profiles are very sparsely filled out, with no specifics as to what type of person they are looking for. Third, it's very easy to reverse search a photo using Google Image or Tineye. I've found at least two of them using photos of foreign fashion models. From my experience I've learned to become wary of interest initiated by the women on the site as almost always it's a scammer with a fake profile.

Strangely, though, it seems like far too many of the women I encounter on the site have their sights set very high for their match. I'm between 5'7 and 5'8, and it is very disappointing to find that it seems that if you aren't at least 5'10 none of the women on Match are interested in you. I have to laugh when a woman lists her height at 4'11 or 5'0 and says her match has to be at least 5'10.

Regarding the OP's scenario of the traveling guy, that seems to be a little worrisome. I'm not the guy she's referring to but I also am from KC but spend a good deal of time in CA for work (I have an apartment rather than a hotel room though). I don't even look for a match outside of my home territory as I think it reduces the odds of a successful relationship to almost zero. While it could be legit, it could also be someone who is just looking for some intimate fun while on the road. That's fair enough but it should be stated from the outset.

Lastly, what are peoples thoughts about mentioning the weight loss journey? I decided to be up front about it and put it right in my profile that I had WLS and am about halfway through my weight loss journey. My thinking was that it shows I'm serious about improving myself and living a healthier lifestyle. Not sure if this is a good or bad idea.

I don't think men are suspicious of me contacting first because I have at least 4 photos, clearly not of an 18 year old Russian model..ha. I also have some quirkiness and I mention some of them. I don't think I have been mistaken for a scammer.

The height thing is a tough one

I am 5'5 and while I am HWP I am not a petite frame. I feel more feminine with a man I don't tower over in my heels and since I weigh in the 150s, it is kind of nice if he isn't one of those 140# petite built guys. I know it is superficial, but it makes me feel like I am fat, when I know I am not fat, when I am with a short petite man.