Goal Weight and handling comments

[Pedro Valle-Inclan 275]

Hi friends, my RNY Gastric bypass surgery is in 46 days on Feb 10th, I'm an odd mix of excited and nervous but not scared... yet.

From reading many people's profiles on here I realize I'm on the lower side of the obese scale. I'm 6' 2" and I'll probably be around 250lbs come surgery day. That makes me under the 35 BMI I started at (at 278lbs) but I have every co-morbid symptom in spades. l have very wide shoulders that have tended to sort of "hide" the weight beneath them, but my point here is that every time I've lost my now ritualistic 50 or 60lbs (a good 6 times) and get down around 220lbs the comments start; stuff like ok that's low enough, your face is too thin, blah, blah... heard that crap a million times (just feels like it), so I'm sort of worrying about that nonsense as I am certainly going to go well below 220 this time, so I know that's coming as especially at 60 years old one's face and neck really show the effects. I'm not telling people at work and really only a few family members know. My cover story is I'm having gall bladder surgery over the Feb break from school (I'm a teacher).So any suggestions on how to fend off such unwanted commentary?

Then the matter of goal weight. Somehow that just hasn't come up. My doc did say that the BMI charts for 23 BMI would indicate around 190lbs, which would be wild!! Never been THAT thin. Might even see my.... TOES again!! lol. Any commentary on goal weights and those seemingly suspect one size fits all BMI charts, thanks so much antemano, the best, happy new year, all!! pedro

[James Marusek 5,244]

Welcome. Let us know if we can be of any help. I had a number of co-morbidities prior to surgery. They included high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, severe acid reflux (Gerd) and many others. Almost all went into remission within a couple weeks of the operation and have remained there ever since. I am 31 months post-op. That was the main reason why I had the surgery and I was definitely pleased with the results.

I wrote a couple short articles about my experience with RNY gastric bypass surgery. You might find them helpful so I am providing links.

http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/Surgery.pdf

http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/Surgery2.pdf

[rnsamantha 352]

I had gastric sleeve in June, and at that time set my goal weight for 175lbs (I weighed 278 at the time with a BMI of 41--female 5'9.5"). Now I'm hovering between 173 and 175. Although my BMI is still technically overweight (25.5) the comments have already started that I might be getting too thin. I think once people get used to seeing you a certain size they have a hard time seeing you as a normal size person. Personally, I would like to lose 15 lbs for a goal of 160. I'm going to do what's best for me. Peanut gallery be damned!

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

I am not sure how realistic the BMI chart is for everyone. I now weigh 165 at 5'10". I do look thin and can feel bones readily. Not sure it this is what a normal BMI should be. I agree that those that have never seen us this thin think that we are too thin. Say if we only had to lose 10 pounds it wouldn't be so much of a difference in the way we look. I also wear a size 6 pants and size S-M top. Is this really normal? I thought the average women's size was a 12-14; how can this then be a normal BMI? Doesn't really make sense.

[Pedro Valle-Inclan 275]

Thank you so much for responding, this huge major life change is kind of happening in a quiet vacuum, so it's great to hear of others' take ion all this. I look forward to reading the articles, thanks again, pedro

[rnsamantha 352]

I am not sure how realistic the BMI chart is for everyone. I now weigh 165 at 5'10". I do look thin and can feel bones readily. Not sure it this is what a normal BMI should be. I agree that those that have never seen us this thin think that we are too thin. Say if we only had to lose 10 pounds it wouldn't be so much of a difference in the way we look. I also wear a size 6 pants and size S-M top. Is this really normal? I thought the average women's size was a 12-14; how can this then be a normal BMI? Doesn't really make sense.

True, I was pretty surprised that at a size 10 the BMI chart still considers me overweight. I do work out and lift weights, but I am by no means muscular!!

[GBLady41 393]

I am not sure how realistic the BMI chart is for everyone. I now weigh 165 at 5'10". I do look thin and can feel bones readily. Not sure it this is what a normal BMI should be. I agree that those that have never seen us this thin think that we are too thin. Say if we only had to lose 10 pounds it wouldn't be so much of a difference in the way we look. I also wear a size 6 pants and size S-M top. Is this really normal? I thought the average women's size was a 12-14; how can this then be a normal BMI? Doesn't really make sense.

You can find out your BMI by using a BMI app. The average women's size may be a 12-14, but that's an average, which takes in lower weights and higher weights. For me, the BMI is accurate, as I am 5'7" and my normal BMI range is between 140 and 159 lbs. when I was younger and working out many years ago, I weighed 155 lbs, and I still had about ten pounds to lose. My goal weight is 145 lbs. I will probably be a size 6 or 7. That's ideal for me.

[CHM 1,011]

Hi Pedro,

I think that many of us on this journey need to work on filtering out the noise of others. As previous comments have pointed out, people are just used to us looking as we always have. Our weight loss garners attention, which either draws focus away from those who are used to having it, or shines a light on those who also have unaddressed weight issues. Either scenario is uncomfortable for them, and thus likely to incite comments that may not always in our best interest. I've already heard a comment with my pre-op weight loss about how my cheeks are starting to look hollow and I'm still over 280 lbs for crying out loud! They're not hollow - I just have cheekbones like everyone else and we're actually starting to be able to see them! You are doing this for you. Listen to your medical team, not your peers. Consider how you feel in your own skin, not how the comments make you feel. Soon enough, people will become accustomed to your new appearance. If the comments start up for me after surgery, I plan to put "My doctor is happy with my weight loss, and I'm going to trust her" on loop.

[Pedro Valle-Inclan 275]

Damn, that's what I needed to hear!! Thanks so much, CHMD, that doctor comment is great, much better than what runs through my mind; hellI was already thinking of telling them once near my goal weight to establish scholarship funds for the school where I work in my name (I'd heard the cancer questions when I'd gotten way down once before...).. ..No, I really appreciate that little re-direction of thinking, of who to be listening to, etc/ happy new year

[CHM 1,011]

I'm glad I was so helpful. You just made my day!

[JapGirl 229]

I am not sure how realistic the BMI chart is for everyone. I now weigh 165 at 5'10". I do look thin and can feel bones readily. Not sure it this is what a normal BMI should be. I agree that those that have never seen us this thin think that we are too thin. Say if we only had to lose 10 pounds it wouldn't be so much of a difference in the way we look. I also wear a size 6 pants and size S-M top. Is this really normal? I thought the average women's size was a 12-14; how can this then be a normal BMI? Doesn't really make sense.

I am not sure how realistic the BMI chart is for everyone. I now weigh 165 at 5'10". I do look thin and can feel bones readily. Not sure it this is what a normal BMI should be. I agree that those that have never seen us this thin think that we are too thin. Say if we only had to lose 10 pounds it wouldn't be so much of a difference in the way we look. I also wear a size 6 pants and size S-M top. Is this really normal? I thought the average women's size was a 12-14; how can this then be a normal BMI? Doesn't really make sense.

True, I was pretty surprised that at a size 10 the BMI chart still considers me overweight. I do work out and lift weights, but I am by no means muscular!!

I've always heard that the 12-14 is European sizes. Like how Marilyn Monroe was a size 12. But that a European size, in US size she was actually an 8.

[JapGirl 229]

I'm 5'7". My ideal weight per BMI is between 120lbs-155lbs. My goal is 140ish (I went with a middle of the road sort of thing based on a normal BMI of 19-25). My real goal is to be in a size 8 pants. I want to be in single digits.