Frustration and anger

[retzlpa 98]

I'm so tired of the people who aren't afraid to call you fat, or a big guy or overweight or whatever they feel like saying! Since my surgery 10/26/2015 I have lost 50 pounds, I am stalled but continue to see the non weight loss victories. I go to the gym 3 days a week, in addition I walk everyday, not miles but I keep moving. I've lost over 6 inches off my waste alone. BUT......those same people still have nerve to say something, an example would be when I go to my men's club meeting we have Breakfast. I have a scrambled egg, a slice of bacon and a nearly burnt 1/2 piece of toast, and I get told that maybe I should try eating the oatmeal instead. I've even been told to sit somewhere else because you're a big guy and people won't get by you. The best was when I was told "sure you lost some weight, but you won't be able too keep it off for long." I try to let it slide for the most part, but kind of lost it last Thursday when I told a woman, after she said I was a really big guy, I said "well I am fat, and you are old and ugly, and I know I can lose weight, but you will always be ugly." I know, wrong thing to say but I'm having more and more trouble shutting up!

[Babbs 14,681]

Jeez, who are these people??

Sounds to me like you need to hang out with a nicer group of people. These guys sound like a bunch of jerks.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I understand your frustration completely. When it comes to weight people seem to think that boundaries and courtesy don't matter.

I am fairly thick skinned. I have also noticed that even though I have been losing weight rapidly since my lower legs are still disproportionately large, I get questions and comments quite frequently.

Some random person asked me about them the other day and then she asked "Have you been teased about them your whole life?" I frankly told her that they haven't been this large my whole life. That really set her back. I could tell it hadn't occurred to her that I wasn't born this way. Most people in my opinion just don't really think.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

At the rate you ate losing...this will be a non issue.The beautiful part is you are still the same person at 300 pounds or 190 pounds and people need to be Enlightened in regards to their stupidity.

[ididit34 91]

People are so judgmental that sometimes you need to put them in their places. I had my surgery on 10/26 as well, I'm down 42 pounds, and I'm so excited because I thought I would lose slower than this because I was a lap band revision. I had one person at work compliment how good I look while another said they really didn't see a difference. When it's all said and done I try my best to ignore because I'm wearing pants that wouldn't come up past my hips a few months ago!

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Women are so freakin catty...wait until you lose more...hah..the joke will be in her!

[Emilie.Lancaster 191]

I think there are hormones at play here also. The body has shoved some "junk" into our fat cells for long term storage. Now that we are burning through the reserves, the stuff is coming g out. I was overly tearful over happy and sad stuff the last few days. I'm tense and jelly in waves. Things that I would let slide before, seem more in need of a response now. I know how you feel.

[jane13 2,256]

@@Pinkgirl1234 - I agree with you but NOT all women are catty, but some of us are VERY catty - and especially when it comes to weight gain or weight loss.

just sayin'

@@ididit34 - NSVs like wearing smaller pants are THE best and I remind myself a lot that even though the scale isn't showing huge loses the pants/shirts are getting smaller

[Heather I 500]

Wow, that's a brutally mean crowd you're hanging with! I'd get some new friends. You don't need Judgy McJudgerson bringing you down as you start a new path in life. Let them stay nasty and miserable.

Sheesh, really horrible comments!

I'm NOT thick-skinned and would be totally taken aback by that kind of stuff.

My condolences --they suck!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I've always considered myself thick skinned because poopy comments never get to me. That said, I must be a mean B**TCH, too, because I don't think anyone would DARE say the above comments to me.

[shriner37 249]

Seriously? I've been heavy most of my adult life and rarely had anyone make those kind of comments to me. It seems like you need to find a more supportive group of friends. I don't know what kind of "men's club" you belong to but that sort of behavior certainly isn't very fraternal.

For your own sanity and weight loss success I would try to find a way to associate with people who are positive and supportive. The effect it will have on your psyche may be the x factor for long term success.

My experience has been totally opposite - I've been pretty open about my surgery and my journey and everyone I've encountered has been 100% supportive and positive.

[Emilie.Lancaster 191]

Read the The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruez. Especially that part about how everyone has their own reality, and also rule #1: nothing is personal.

[M!@ 320]

I'm so tired of the people who aren't afraid to call you fat, or a big guy or overweight or whatever they feel like saying! Since my surgery 10/26/2015 I have lost 50 pounds, I am stalled but continue to see the non weight loss victories. I go to the gym 3 days a week, in addition I walk everyday, not miles but I keep moving. I've lost over 6 inches off my waste alone. BUT......those same people still have nerve to say something, an example would be when I go to my men's club meeting we have Breakfast. I have a scrambled egg, a slice of bacon and a nearly burnt 1/2 piece of toast, and I get told that maybe I should try eating the oatmeal instead. I've even been told to sit somewhere else because you're a big guy and people won't get by you. The best was when I was told "sure you lost some weight, but you won't be able too keep it off for long." I try to let it slide for the most part, but kind of lost it last Thursday when I told a woman, after she said I was a really big guy, I said "well I am fat, and you are old and ugly, and I know I can lose weight, but you will always be ugly." I know, wrong thing to say but I'm having more and more trouble shutting up!

@@retzlpa, I am sorry you have to deal with this kind of invasive speak especially when you are working to improve yourself. I take a different approach to responding, but doing this to myself. If I make the comment, often times people tend to find ways to rebuttal whatever I just said. It may sound just like their comments but coming from me feels way better than coming from them. It lets them know I am aware of the situation, and it is ok with me. I might say things like "better move over, this thing traveling behind me will knock you down" or "big as I am, maybe I should only eat half the egg".

I am the one working to improve myself. And for those who can still get a word in, hey say what you need to say. I hoped you added a good laugh after you told that woman she was old and ugly. At least she would know not to mess with you. if she keeps it up, I might even add a "girl, you getting older everyday aren't you?" next time you see her. just kidding that would be mean, but funny as hell and some people need a lesson. But it would hurt to think it, ask her how shes doing and walk away laughing.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Mean people suck. I never experienced this kind of open antagonism and I was probably bigger than you! I hope you are able to surround yourself with better quality people.

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

@@retzlpa Mean people suck...I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am a mom of a special needs child, I see the looks and hear the comments. The a$$holes that do this are judging based on looks and not taking the time to get to know her. Sounds like the same for you. I've heard it about myself too, heard the snickering behind my back. I am also thick skinned, but I am also someone that sees the merit in someone not based on how they look. I usually say something back to them snarky about their bad attitude.

Mean people are always going to suck, no matter how much weight you lose or how great a person you are inside. You can't change people, best you can do is not allow them to change you. Keep being awesome!

Edited December 22, 2015 by Pillar2butterfly