Rejected

[cj76 43]

My friend was just rejected & she is SO depressed right now. She is the one I learned about my dr & the center I am going to from. I never considered gastric bypass but, did look into the band years ago. So, wanting something like this has been in my mind for about 4 years. She totally sold the facility & the surgeon & she was right! I'm so glad she told me about them! But, I feel like I wouldn't have started this journey without her giving me that info like she did & we were gonna be goin thru it at similar times & could be each other's support system. She was rejected by her insurance last week. Now, I feel guilty & like I can't tell her what's goin on with my plan & when I start losing weight, I'm afraid she will have resentment toward me... I don't want to share anything with her now in fear of upsetting her...

[cj76 43]

I told her the weight that she lost preop would just be a stepping stone & we would work on it together still. That's when she told me she actually gained weight thru the process because she ate whatever she wanted because of having the surgery. I've lost 15lbs in 2 months because I'm trying to work my butt off because I figure if the surgery takes 100lbs, I'd rather be 160 than 190. My tentative date is dec 18 & I'm half way there

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Best wishes to you for your surgery.

There are many reasons that insurance companies refuse to cover people for this surgery. Many appeal the decision and are accepted. However, if your friend is juvenile enough to resent you instead being happy that you have this opportunity examining why she was rejected and what she can do to change it, I'll make a guess that she was turned down because of the psych evaluation. If I'm correct, she has work to do in order to appeal successfully.

The purpose of the psych eval is to determine if a person understands the nature of the surgery and that it isn't meant to be a cure, and if she is capable of following the doctor's instructions. THat takes a level of maturity and focus that she may not display. If she gained weight, she already wasn't following instructions -- aha, that's probably an additional reason.

You have no reason to avoid her or not talk about what you are doing. Would you also end the friendship so that she wouldn't have to see you losing weight after surgery? If she doesn't know why she was turned down, you can be supportive of her now by encouraging her to take herself and her future seriously.

Edited November 5, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[cj76 43]

I have & told her she could try to appeal. When we've talked about getting together socially, going out to eat is the first option. I don't want that. If I can't make it, weigh it or scan it, I don't want it. I wouldn't intentionally end our friendship but, as I'm learning more & seeing things for what they are, I don't want that negativity right now. I'm trying to stay positive & do what I need to do for me. I want to be there & be supportive of her as well but, she first has to help herself & by going out to eat & out drinking, and proving that is a priority, that drives an even bigger wedge between us.

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

That's right. She first has to help herself. This surgery is just a tool, not a cure. Friendships and marriages end after someone has WLS. I read about it all the time. It's not your fault. Keep doing what's right for you, and keep the positive, uplifting people in your life. Negativity breeds like a cancer, and you don't need the negativity.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I would encourage her to appeal if she is serious about having WLS and then I would leave it alone unless she initiates the conversation. That includes sharing how much you have loss, etc...She has to come to terms with wanting this for herself and actively doing something about it. In the meantime you don't want to make it seem like you are bragging. Let's face it we all can go a little nuts when we finally start losing. We want to call everyone everytime we lose a pound. However she was your friend before you had surgery and you managed to share and talk abut a wide variety of things. Save your victories for here and people who won't feel bad about about hearing you frequently talk about weight loss. Pretty soon your success will be obvious anyway.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

I hope she appeals successfully. I don't know either of you, but I would think seeing you succeed would make her very proud, and even mobilize her to do even more on her own before ultimately getting approved one day (if the world is good she would not longer need it then). Was she rejected because she gained weight during the pre-op? That is very correctable...she should finish the last suppering before the pre-op starts next time!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

If she does not know why she was refused, why hasn't she asked her doctor? Trying to figure it out is like fishing without bait.

It is no secret here that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of your relationships. You have to do this for your own health. You definitely will learn what your family, friends and acquaintances think about you. That is not necessarily a bad thing.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It's nice and natural to be concerned about a friend, but you each need to focus on your own journey. You can be empathetic and caring but it is up to her to do what needs to be done: follow pre-op requirements, appeal, etc.

Just a guess, but if she gained weight by not following a required pre-op supervised diet, it's very possible that was why she was denied.

Don't let this derail you.

[Mania 128]

So a couple of different things

First, your friend needs to re-educate herself on the whole WLS process and the fact that it is not a cure but a tool as others have said.

Second, since you are cooking and weighing your food why not invite her over to your home and show her how easy it is to follow the rules that WLS patients must live by to be successful. A nice tasty simple meal, portioned correctly, may be the help your friends needs to help her make the changes that are needed.

Just my $0.02

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Do not take her issues on as your responsibility. That's not your job. At this point decide how important the relationship is. If she wants to get together, perhaps suggest to a movie. You bring your own Snacks and say nothing regarding what she eats/drinks. Go out for coffee, bring your own water/protein drink. I became a champ at stashing stuff in my purse. If that's not a workable solution then perhaps a break is in order.

[momofmanyready2bskinny 6]

Why was she rejected? Is it something she can fix?