People's expectations of you...

[gpmed 623]

If the cousin is in your home, you could give them a nice list of hotels in the area and tell them they are welcome to stay at one of them if they are not going to be respectful to you. There is no excuse to be ugly.

I understand this may seem harsh, but that level of rudeness is unacceptable.

Totally agree! If you feel comfortable, drawing a very clear boundary would absolutely be appropriate here. Personally, I've made it clear I won't tolerate any inappropriate comments from anyone. The only person I've had a problem with so far is my sister and I made sure I shut that down really fast.

[tjstark 74]

Thank you everyone, I wasn't expecting all the kind responses but it's definitely helped me feel better.

I felt angry, for sure, but I know better than to take it to heart... it's not going to put me off my goals. I'm doing this for me, no one else, and I'm very nonchalant about my results (I don't weigh in often so as not to get obsessive) so everyone else that is so concerned about my results can just go away.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I lost my weight awhile ago but still see myself as "transforming". I wondered if these people have a general pattern of being rude/mean to you? I have little tolerance for being ignored or belittled these days although I endured much of both in my obese past.

[shellyd88 463]

What a jackhole kick people like that to the curb this is hard enough with that kinda shit going on

[Folly 308]

Sometimes people get so used to our not insisting they treat us better that they don't realize how much or how deeply they really do hurt/bother/offend/embarrass us.

Not long ago I hit a milestone that really mattered to me. The milestone was being at a weight that, had I started there, would have been considered not heavy enough for WLS (unless there were mitigating factors). For me it was getting below 240. When I announced to my husband I finally got there we ended up talking. He told me he wouldn't have found me attractive or wanted to get to know me if I were at my current weight when we met. (I weighed about 380 when I met him). He went on to tell me my beautiful face had aged 15 years and my once soft and voluptuous body looked like a big, deflated balloon. He had never, up to this point, said anything to me about my weight or appearance that I found hurtful. He was trying to explain that he still had good feelings in spite of the transformation but it ended up coming out in such a way that it was like a shot to the heart.

We all go through this with someone.

[newmebithebypass 713]

Sometimes people get so used to our not insisting they treat us better that they don't realize how much or how deeply they really do hurt/bother/offend/embarrass us.

Not long ago I hit a milestone that really mattered to me. The milestone was being at a weight that, had I started there, would have been considered not heavy enough for WLS (unless there were mitigating factors). For me it was getting below 240. When I announced to my husband I finally got there we ended up talking. He told me he wouldn't have found me attractive or wanted to get to know me if I were at my current weight when we met. (I weighed about 380 when I met him). He went on to tell me my beautiful face had aged 15 years and my once soft and voluptuous body looked like a big, deflated balloon. He had never, up to this point, said anything to me about my weight or appearance that I found hurtful. He was trying to explain that he still had good feelings in spite of the transformation but it ended up coming out in such a way that it was like a shot to the heart.

We all go through this with someone.

I'm so sorry your hubby said that to you

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Speak to your cousin and tell them that jokes and comments like that hurt you and you know they will not make them anymore now that they are aware of that.

If they continue to make fun of your weight, distance yourselves from them. People like that are cancerous to your mental well being. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.

[marwa 0]

I'm having little less harsh comments than yours. But they do voice out i should have lost more.

Even though I was bedridden for about 5 weeks post op for totally non surgery reason. They are still saying stuff like "u have a long way to go"

I was able to shut them up by making a b4/after picture at my 2 months mark so they can see the difference

I wasn't trying to defend myself

The problem is , I live with them so they can't visually see the change as would someone who hasn't Seen u for a month or two. That's why a picture was worth it.

Who ever still wanted to b mean still said u have a long way to go....so I responded, but do u now see the difference?

They had to say yes after seeing the picture!

then i said ok then....its doesn't mater long or short way to go as long as there is a difference.... and I'm enjoying my long way anyway

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Folly, I am worried about you. during my losing phase, I did FEEL like a big deflated balloon and having someone say that to me might have really discouraged me. I am years post op so my body dismorphia is pretty well resolved but at the time... oh boy.

I found notes describing myself as a melting snowman. However, i took some pix of myself in a swimsuit, after reaching goal and preplastics - know what - not bad for a middle aged lady!?! I didn't look like a big balloon or a melted snowman, and I looked much better than I did obese.

I am sure your husband is a loving man, but he was clearly attracted to an obese figure that isn't healthy and may have a hard time adjusting as your body becomes more "normal". I don't know if you are into counseling, but i want you to have maximum success and regain the best health possible and that mixed feeling about appearance can be devastating. It might be good to have a professional experienced in body image stuff to talk this over with.

Sometimes people get so used to our not insisting they treat us better that they don't realize how much or how deeply they really do hurt/bother/offend/embarrass us.

Not long ago I hit a milestone that really mattered to me. The milestone was being at a weight that, had I started there, would have been considered not heavy enough for WLS (unless there were mitigating factors). For me it was getting below 240. When I announced to my husband I finally got there we ended up talking. He told me he wouldn't have found me attractive or wanted to get to know me if I were at my current weight when we met. (I weighed about 380 when I met him). He went on to tell me my beautiful face had aged 15 years and my once soft and voluptuous body looked like a big, deflated balloon. He had never, up to this point, said anything to me about my weight or appearance that I found hurtful. He was trying to explain that he still had good feelings in spite of the transformation but it ended up coming out in such a way that it was like a shot to the heart.

We all go through this with someone.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@tjstark --

"I haven't felt the need to rant until now! I'm 5 weeks out tomorrow and have lost a considerable amount in that time, but obviously it's not like I've shed 100lbs overnight!...

"That said, I'm pretty annoyed with family members that seem to think I'm going to drop 100lbs overnight. It's so annoying to hear things like, 'Well, you look the same.'"

TJ, Your relatives are petty, nasty, mean-spirited, jealous [deservedly so] creatures. Their comments don't say that they have expectations. Au contraire, they say that they expected you to fail or, worse, wanted you to fail. When you opened this topic on Sept. 2, you'd lost 60 pounds. To tell you that you looked the same as before is to lie in a major way. The 60 most certainly showed given your starting weight.

I'll make a wild guess: Each is considerably overweight?

Brush them off. Throw the negativity back into their laps without being negative yourself, i.e., maintain your dignity. Then show them the door. I suppose I'm even less inclined to give them a crumb because yours is the about the fourth note of its type I've ready today. My grandma may have said, "They should live and be well."

Edited November 14, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Redmond 7]

Im obese (365lb) and a 6 foot 2 and a redhead. I had my sleeve few days ago. Im lucky that if people are rude to me Im happy enough to punch them. Not the solution for everyone but sure stops people thinking they can bitch me about my weight....