Dating after surgery

[missy5099 16]

Hi all,

I haven't had the surgery yet but was curious how dating is after the surgery!? Easier? Harder? I know you can't eat as much so how is going out to dinner? Do you let your date know ahead of time or is that something you disclose after becoming serious. Would love to hear some stories/advice! Thanks!

[jmw1982 59]

I figure I will be able to get away with doing the girl thing, of ordering a salad or Soup, and just picking at it, but not actually eating. Most men are so used to women not eating on dates, I don't anticipate it being an issue.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

If your date is not supportive or you have not told him/her, then I imagine it would be excruciatingly difficult. Otherwise, I would assume it would be a non-issue, unless copious amounts of food are integral to your date, in which case there would be some red flags and you'd be best off left-swiping.

[gowalking 10,790]

No one I dated ever noticed how little I ate. I think they just assumed because I'm small, that I have a small appetite. As far as disclosing my WLS, only if/when I felt it mattered. Meaning usually by a third or fourth date, there would be some mention of being heavier at one time. It never was part of a first date discussion. Never.

I'm in an exclusive relationship currently and my excess skin and port that sticks out means nothing to him. He loves being with me and that's all that matters to him. I'm even starting to feel less self-conscious even when walking around the apartment in my birthday suit. Not completely there yet, but working on it.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I am avoiding date until I can eat more. I am still large so I can't play the "I eat like a bird, because I am a real lady" card yet. If I want until Spring/Summer I will be able to eat more and I will be smaller.

I really need to focus on myself right now. There is so much that goes into post-op life. Remembering to take all my Vitamins at different times of the day, is hard. Right now I am doing 2 workouts a day. I plan on increasing that in winter when I forced to be inside more. I think I am going to need a good 6-9 months to get used to this life, before I add anything else to it.

Plus I don't want to go on a dinner date until I can eat steak!

[gowalking 10,790]

I am avoiding date until I can eat more. I am still large so I can't play the "I eat like a bird, because I am a real lady" card yet. If I want until Spring/Summer I will be able to eat more and I will be smaller.

I really need to focus on myself right now. There is so much that goes into post-op life. Remembering to take all my Vitamins at different times of the day, is hard. Right now I am doing 2 workouts a day. I plan on increasing that in winter when I forced to be inside more. I think I am going to need a good 6-9 months to get used to this life, before I add anything else to it.

Plus I don't want to go on a dinner date until I can eat steak!

Agree completely. I had WLS in January of 2013. Didn't even think about or want to date. WLS was for health reasons and quality of life. Only much later did I think about it. I went online to a couple of daing sites in April of 2014 and met my current beau a year later.

Oh...and I was also in therapy that whole time. Without it, I'd likely not be with him as I had a tendency to go after the unatainable guys. I've been working on both the inside and outside for quite a while now. This did not come easy, or naturally. It was, and still is, alot of hard work.

[bikrchk 1,313]

The attention... Can feel ... odd, at first. It's easier, (I have confidence like never before). As far as what to eat when out, the last BF actually likes to split meals, which was nice. I told him about my surgery on date 2 or 3 I think. Current BF is naturally slim and has a large appetite of his own so I tend to order an appie to keep it smallish. Told him on date #1, which I NEVER do! (he was curious about the small portion size and we were chatting about workout habits and just seemed okay). It was fine!

I actually met one guy on line who was complaining about his "thermostat being broke" (always cold) and it turned out he'd been sleeved the year before me! We didn't click, but that was kinda cool!

[missy5099 16]

Thank you al for your responses! I probably won't even be interested in dating for awhile after the surgery as well but was just curious if it was an issue!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

The only man I became close enough to share my sleeve story with was fine with it/didn't really want to hear about it. He has kind of a life view that a person's past is just that and he was more concerned with the "now". I realize that WLS is a big deal, but I am far enough out that I eat the normal, small portions that keep middle aged women trim. What I mean is that the fact that i order an appetizer for a meal doesn't surprise anybody and i am never questioned about it.

I don't feel that I owe my life story to someone unless i am getting serious with them... which for me is MONTHS not a few dates.

My personal experience/opinion is that I would NOT date while losing weight. Here is my rationale, I went through ALOT of changes during that time. Maybe not everyone has this experience, but I discovered that my obesity was about alot of things, not just food.

In my post sleeve world i discovered my athletic self, my confident self, my loves to dance self, my girlie girl self PLUS getting even more serious about my horsey loving, fast riding tomgirl self. I feel like it would have been a disservice to ME and probably the guy to have gotten involved with someone before I discovered those things about myself.

[Stevehud 1,790]

From the male perspective id say this. Just say your trying to eat healthy and order some veg or a salad etc. Its not a lie, and it gives you endless cover stories until such time as you wish to open up more to that person.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Answer to original question is it is much easier to to date 90 pounds lighter. The quality and quantity of opportunities increases dramatically.

No, I don't tell anyone about the surgery unless I really know them. Occasionally I need to explain why there are pictures of me on the web where I look very different from the ones on the dating site. And I will explain I did lose 80 pounds last year as part of a change to healthier life style.

My opinion is women in late 40's and 50's will be more impressed with weight loss info than younger women and no guy will want to hear this from a potential date (so ladies wait until date 3 or 4 to explain the weight loss).

Edited August 22, 2015 by OKCPirate