So my partner hasn't been very supportive of my upcoming surgery! During an argument tonight he referred to my savings for my surgery as my "fat money" an I looked at him disputed and his response was "well it's true the reason your getting surgery is cos your fucking fat" .. I'm so hurt right now... ????

Pay him no attention.,,get it done..,lose your weight....if he continues this rant then you gotta figure it out..,,get your health together.,,keep posting to us all..,,we support you..,hot soccer mom..,do your thing !:-)

Your correct on so many levels.. I sit here typing this through my tears. Nothing is ever easy with him. When we're good - were really good but when we're bad - were really really bad"

Your words chill me. Those words were the words of my best friend even today. She and I are still here, but the days of him beating the hell out of her are long over. He hated my guts because I interfered when she would call me at 5 am after a night of terror. I promise you even with babies you can get out. Develop a plan. Find one or two confidants even if it is a domestic violence office. Abusers try to isolate you from friends and family......... Don't suffer without someone close to you knowing. I tried to hide the abuse I suffered and didn't even know I was being abused because he didn't hit me, it was dark threats and a gun strapped to his ankle and a 4 year old that kept me there 4 years. I left, got custody of his grandson we had adopted. That was 1990. I have been remarried to the sweetest man on earth for 23 years, who loves and cherishes me dearly. There is a sweet life out there for you. With him or without him.

I justified staying with my last ex ten years too long for two reasons:

1. I was raised in a religious home where the wife is long-suffering and silent in spite of how she is treated. Pray and stay. This caused me to ignore blatant red flags that would have warned me to not get involved with that beast. Once I kindy suggested in my very librarian-like voice that maybe he could see a doctor about getting some medication to help him level out his emotions. "I DON'T NEED NO F***ING MEDICATION! I could time his tirades to 45 minutes. I knew that if I could hang in there for 45 minutes he would be calm and nice again. He's sorry, he loves me, he won't let it happen again - several times a day. In spite of the mixed messages of he loves me and I am always a nuisance, I stayed because I was told he was just having a bad day. Besides....

2. He never hit me. Until he hit me. The injury that sent me to the doctor was a bruise on my arm the size of a 7 ounce steak. His private abuse had gone public. I love you. I am sick and tired of your ugly face. (He yelledthat at me in a Subway shop). But he never hit me. Until he hit me. With volatile people like that, you don't leave when they are home. That is how you end up dead in tomorrow's news.

When I finally got out of there ( at 2 am - I left early from work (third shift) I went to a women's shelter. The diary I had kept was very handy in preparing my case for the restraint hearing. I had his guns taken away from him, too.

The diary reminded me that I was not the crazy one. Reading things I wrote while crying remineded me that he was always throwing things at me that accidently slipped out of his hands and flew across the room. It was the camping lantern that fractured my ankle. I would have told you, "But he nevers hits me." Until he hit me.

I cannot stress enough what my doctor said.......Why would you love someone who treats you that way??????

If any of you EVER need someone to talk to, send me a private message. The number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233

I wish you the best. Don't suffer in silence. Help is available.

Oh, I forgot to tell you - I moved 250 miles away.

My husband does not even know I am going through the beginning of the whole process. When I found out about my diabetes and talked to my husband about my fear of one day losing my feet or my kidneys he made light of it. Now when I decline all the carbs and sweet stuff he says" oh yeah you don't want to lose you feet". I told him he was rude and unsupportive! He said "you are not going to lose you feet, stop overreacting." I was done with the conversation. I stick to what I want, he can support me or not, but in the end only I can take care of myself. When I mentioned I was thinking about surgery he went nuts. So, I have not let him into this area of my life. My daughter is the only person I have told. She will take to the hospital and pick me up. Once I am home I will tell him but I am going through with this for me. I do not need his permission. Hopefully he will support me after he knows, if not, it won't change me doing this.

Good for you!! It's your health and happiness here! And nobody should change your mind

Wow, this thread is serious and I just wanted to say that I'm praying for all of the ladies that feel they have to go through this alone. If your partner doesn't support you now I just wonder will they be there to help you post-surgery when you are not feeling that good and have low energy. If any of you are scared please use the number that was provided and remember there is no shame and we just want you to be physically and emotionally healthy AND then look HOT while you get on with your life in a positive way.

Okay, as a person who raised two boys as a single mom... I say WHOA on immediately dumping the father of your children. There are consequences to consider here....

Having said that, I would find being called a fat ass and other such things to be completely unacceptable from my lover/partner/spouse. Off the hook unacceptable, inexcuseable. And to any ladies who name call your man - same for you - that is not the right way to treat someone you love, honor and cherish and all that jazz. It has been my experience that these things get worse, not better with time so it needs to be dealt with.

Consider relationship counseling because what happens when you get thin and now instead of being a "fatass" you become a "slut" or some other such degrading remark because of of how you look?

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I was raised in a very volitale household, and as a result, i had a bad temper as a young woman. I would sometimes just need to walk away to cool down. For some people that is a good coping strategy and i don't think it is fair to expect someone to be "in contact" when they have put themselves in a timeout. My EX would get so mad at me, and all needed was like 20 minutes to clear my head so i could think clearly and have a rational conversation - I never did anything bad nor was i ever gone for more then a short walk around the neighborhood - i just needed a little space and i would hope a partner could respect that sort of need.

however, threatening to hit, throwing things... I feel those are intentional intimidation tactics and a precursor to violence. I have no idea about this man - if he is quite young and came from a difficult background, perhaps just some coaching/counseling/learning stress management skills could be the solution. Is he open to it?

Sorry you have to deal with this - it sucks.

Your correct on so many levels.. I sit here typing this through my tears. Nothing is ever easy with him. When we're good - were really good but when we're bad - were really really bad. He can't own up to his wrongs and apologise for them without me pushing him to do it. And you know it's funny the things you say - he has said. Lots of times through anger has said he will come smack my face in - not that I think he would but the threat is there. He throws things in anger. Yells and carry a on or just up and leaves and turns his phone off. It can be quite upsetting at times. But then I get stuck because when we are good I love him so much. He plans things for us to do as a family, he is caring and affectionate, plays with the kids and helps me around the house. It's the bad side of him I hate

"If you settle for what you've got, then you deserve what you get"

This quote sounds very harsh...but it's something I've lived by. Only *you* can make things change. YOU ARE WORTH BETTER!

I was in a horrible relationship. It escalated from verbal abuse, to threats, then to domestic violence. It's a never ending cycle. They are always sorry. I did this for seventeen years. In all that time, never once did he take care of me, doctors appointments, trips to the ER. He was never supportive. I have to take part of the blame, I stayed. You are worth so much more. You are going to need help and support after this operation. Will he be there? Is there anyone else you can lean on?

Life is too short...quietly plan ,execute and ditch!!!!!

@ know your worth ,

I'm sure your a beautiful lady don't let anything hold you back go for it , thru this journey your going to need "Positive " support and nothing but good thoughts surrounding you don't let your man bring you down ! I'm always here to talk ????

I have been in an abusive relationship in the past and that is what you are in, like many above said that is emotional and mental abuse. I don't know if your kids are boys or girls but you have to look out for them in this, they will look to him as their role model of how a man is suppose to treat a woman and if your kids are boys that is how they will treat their girlfriends or wives one day. If the kids are girls then chances are that is the kind of man they will end up settling for because they grew up thinking that's normal cause that's how daddy treated mommy. If he is truly sorry then he needs to do counseling to get to the root of his problem if not then you may need to consider life without him because you and your kids are worth more then that.