Losing my support system

[ambieambs 54]

I had RNY gastric bypass on April 1, 2015. I had complications that landed me in the hospital for most of April and the first week of May. I was doing great, but then all of a sudden I could no longer eat or drink anything at all. I ended up getting a g tube (feeding tube), which I had for 2 months. After it was put in, I started to eat a little better, but I still could not drink. Once I had my g tube removed, I was able to drink much better. After those complications, I had other medical conditions arise which I had a very hard time with as well. Unfortunately, while I was having all of these complications, my support system started to fall apart. I lost friends because all they wanted to do was publicly (facebook) put me down for being upset with my surgeon for not doing more to try to find out what was wrong instead of just pushing me aside for the most part, all because "he's the best surgeon around, and there is no one better than him." I have tried to fix this 15 year friendship, but unfortunately I have done all that I can, and someone who used to be my best friend will no longer talk to me. More and more people are becoming negative towards me when I try to reach out for someone to listen to me. I had people telling me that it was all in my head. They don't understand what it is like to go through so much torture on a daily basis. Luckily, my husband has been there for me 100%. He stayed with me while I was in the hospital even though it cost him a job, and he is there for me whenever I need him. He took care of me when I could barely take care of myself after surgery and during the complications. When I need someone to talk to, I know I can count on 3 people. My husband, my best friend who has always been there for me, and a cousin of mine who has gone and is still going through some similar complications of WLS. Other than that, I have no one. My best friend who I do still talk to lives 2 hours away, so its hard to do anything other than text or call her to just talk. My cousin has her own issues going on, but we try to at least talk each other through it or at least lend an ear. My husband works pretty much 7 days a week. Here I sit, all alone, feeling depressed because I lost to many people who I thought would always be there. The good friend that I lost also had RNY with the same doctor and her husband who is my husband's brother had DS by the same doctor. They always told me no matter what I could always go to them. I guess that was only if things were going good. The sad part is that they ran a support group for WLS where they live. Anyone else lose their support system after surgery?

[dancingqueene 182]

Sadly, so much changes for people after WLS. Friends, family, supports, etc. Some for the better and often times the worst.I suggest using this site for daily check in, supports, etc. Do a lot of research reading, find new hobbies where you might find connections. Bariatric support groups? Book clubs? Think outside the box and focus on yourself and becoming the best you can. Your r-ship w/ your husband appears strong so take those positives and kick it up a notch with him Embrace this new life!!

[bornthisway622 51]

I had RNY gastric bypass on April 1, 2015. I had complications that landed me in the hospital for most of April and the first week of May. I was doing great, but then all of a sudden I could no longer eat or drink anything at all. I ended up getting a g tube (feeding tube), which I had for 2 months. After it was put in, I started to eat a little better, but I still could not drink. Once I had my g tube removed, I was able to drink much better. After those complications, I had other medical conditions arise which I had a very hard time with as well. Unfortunately, while I was having all of these complications, my support system started to fall apart. I lost friends because all they wanted to do was publicly (facebook) put me down for being upset with my surgeon for not doing more to try to find out what was wrong instead of just pushing me aside for the most part, all because "he's the best surgeon around, and there is no one better than him." I have tried to fix this 15 year friendship, but unfortunately I have done all that I can, and someone who used to be my best friend will no longer talk to me. More and more people are becoming negative towards me when I try to reach out for someone to listen to me. I had people telling me that it was all in my head. They don't understand what it is like to go through so much torture on a daily basis. Luckily, my husband has been there for me 100%. He stayed with me while I was in the hospital even though it cost him a job, and he is there for me whenever I need him. He took care of me when I could barely take care of myself after surgery and during the complications. When I need someone to talk to, I know I can count on 3 people. My husband, my best friend who has always been there for me, and a cousin of mine who has gone and is still going through some similar complications of WLS. Other than that, I have no one. My best friend who I do still talk to lives 2 hours away, so its hard to do anything other than text or call her to just talk. My cousin has her own issues going on, but we try to at least talk each other through it or at least lend an ear. My husband works pretty much 7 days a week. Here I sit, all alone, feeling depressed because I lost to many people who I thought would always be there. The good friend that I lost also had RNY with the same doctor and her husband who is my husband's brother had DS by the same doctor. They always told me no matter what I could always go to them. I guess that was only if things were going good. The sad part is that they ran a support group for WLS where they live. Anyone else lose their support system after surgery?

hii well i have not had my surgery yet im getting it hopefully by october but i do know that alone feeling the very few ppl i have told are not supportive at all everyone says but your not THAT FAT ugggg if they only knew i had a few cheerleaders when i started my prosess but now that im getting closer to surgery everyone has just slipped away but its ok i made the choice to get healthy they made the choice to not be apart so when im at my best i dont want to see them around me i hope you get thru this your not alone this site is really greatfor support if you ever wanna chat ill be here i live in nyc ????

[Ms954jkwd 10]

Don't lose hope drink ur shakes eat what you can when I get depressed I go for walks with my best buddy my dog love is unconditional my hubby works a lot too and I'm disabled so it sucks, I joined the American Legion getting ready to join the moose just get out and love you for who you are my weight loss is slow cause I can't move to exercise but as my PCP said I'm losing not gaining so it's all good. Love yourself first and you will be fine

[Jersrose43 837]

Reading between the lines but if your friends all had some form of WLS and they're running a support group and all had same surgeon as you. It seems like they've taken the perspective that you are blaming their doctor for your negative experience. They're probably thinking you knew there were potential for a challenge to this surgery. There are many who don't have as wonderful experience as others.

It is unfortunate that you are having a rough road but perhaps you need to stop talking to them about the surgeon. It really isn't the surgeons fault this happened unless he did something negligent which you didn't say he did. But they feel you are saying it to them.

Just stop discussing the surgeon and laying blame there. It is what it is and you're getting better. You don't need them to listen to you assign blame. You need them to support you. Which to me is more about getting you the right nutrition, the right sources to help you through this.

[ambieambs 54]

I never blamed my surgeon for my complications. I knew there was a chance, but when I did run into complications my husband had to deal with the doctors to get things done because I would be pushed aside. All I had said was I wanted a second opinion to see if another doctor could figure out why I was having the problems because my surgeon said that he didn't know why and that he had never seen the complication I was having.

[GBLady41 393]

You have support here. I haven't had my surgery yet, but I know that support is important. Out of the few people I have told, some support me and some don't. But I'm also doing this for my life, my health. Just know you have support with us.