Surprised at my reaction to weight loss questions.

[Mrs. Reid 392]

I work in a very public place and I knew I would get a lot of questions about my weight loss. I had my answers ready: I'm in a medically supervised weight loss program; I have made permanent changes to the way I eat; I've gone Paleo etc. Now that I'm getting these questions four or five times a day I am amazed at how invasive they feel. This whole journey has been so personal its about getting my life back. It's about reclaiming who I was before all the trauma happened in my life and I turned to food as my only comfort.

People who don't know anything about me want to go on and on about my weight. They think they are being nice for noticing and that congratulating me profusely might help me. To me it feels the same as if someone I don't know walks up to me and says "Hey, how was your last pap smear?" in front of a bunch of people. There is that second of shock and then I give a quick answer and try to change the subject but they keep coming back. I find myself shooting irritated looks at people when they won't shut up but that just makes them start talking about how they were just trying to be nice and how they wanted to let me know that I was doing a good job .....and so the conversation continues.

Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it except change jobs which I plan to do in a few months. It's just that I want the right to be selfish about something. I have suffered so many invasions in my life from people who thought they had the right to invade. So this thing is really pushing my buttons.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I have found that many people are really curious about weight loss surgery. Some are struggling with obesity, others know someone else who is. They want to find out what actually works and how. I had several people come up to me and congratulate me on my weight loss. I found this to be very strange because unlike a diet, I feel I am only along for the ride. I think our society believes in positive reinforcement for achievements through dieting. But this is not dieting.

I guess the point of my rambling is that some people are only curious and mean no ill harm. They believe they are giving you positive reinforcement.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

I have similar feelings unless it's someone I'm very close with. I think for me, it's because I've grown comfortable with being invisible and having people notice my weight loss and want to talk about me makes me feel a little vulnerable. If so, it's my issue and not other people's. I mean, I'm as guilty as the next person for gushing over how great someone looks and my intentions are good.

It still makes me uncomfortable but I keep my stock answers handy and just keep repeating them. Hang in there. :-)

[gowalking 10,790]

Hang in there. Once you are maintaining and people get used to seeing you at your lower weight, they'll stop. I had folks at work who seriously did not recognize me. I don't mean they said they didn't recognize me as a way to say I looked different/better...they literally had no idea who I was till I spoke. Imagine what that feels like.

Unfortunately, our 'issue' is completely external. If you are an alcoholic, it isn't immediately noticible when you stop drinking. Same for any other destructive behavior. But weight issues are right out there and you can't hide whether you are losing or gaining.

Try not to show your annoyance...most people are not being nosy..they are being (or think they are being) thoughtful. I couldn't wait till no one noticed my new body at work and I'm just about there after a year with no discernable weight loss.

[Dub 10,072]

We can choose our friends .....but not so much with coworkers.

Many of them mean well, but the fact that it's a reoccurring point of conversation is understandably aggravating.

They sea visible change occuring and it keeps it in their minds to discuss.

[Shustar 395]

As a business owner, I have customers, reps and employees who all want to get involved in my wieght loss experience. When they ask questions like "how much have you lost?" or "how much more do you want to lose?" etc. I just smile and say "I appreciate your interest but I don't like to discuss my personal health issues at work."

[Kissifur 244]

Weight loss is hard and it is natural to want to know how people did it, I sure did when I was heavy. Now that I'm the one in the hot seat I say that I had the surgery and have changed so many peoples perception of the surgery with a few now contemplating it for themselves. I will agree that I am tired of hearing "how much have you lose?" Among other questions but I know that it comes from the novelty and myths surrounding WLS.

Edited August 7, 2015 by Kissifur

[losing_the_band 133]

Unfortunately, this is part of losing a large amount of weight. At first, it's really nice to know that people are noticing the change, but then it's like, "Geeze, people lose and gain weight every day, let it go!" Some people are genuinely happy for you, and others are just Nosy Nellies looking for a good tidbit of gossip to spread around. And to be honest, it's even worse if you're upfront about having surgery. Then, people think that because you shared that information, that you want to know about an aunt of a friend of a friend of their cousin who died/regained weight/had complications, or that you want to know all the "better" alternatives to surgery and the people that have had success with them, or that you want to share every grisly detail about how much you weighed, how much you lost, all the complications you may have had, etc.

When I first had lap-band surgery and initially lost 90 pounds, I eventually got to the point where I REALLY wanted to tell people, "Yes, I've lost weight. No, I don't want to tell you how, or hear stories about how person XYZ lost weight, or give you recipes, or hear your recipes, or give you tips, or hear about someone you know who had surgery and failed, etc.!" And here I go again, getting a revision to RNY. I WISH I could keep it to myself, but unfortunately, my parents are incredibly insensitive to the fact that they're sharing my private medical information, and have already blabbed to every single person they know, lol. I should have kept it to myself, but I just moved to a new state last year and needed someone to stay with me after surgery, and didn't want to share the info with coworkers.

Edited August 7, 2015 by losing_the_band

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I have worked for the same very large company for decades. People have seen me lose, regain, and gain even more over the decades. In general, people are gentle and kind and don't say a word about the gaining. I would get the "you look great" with the losing.

The difference is post WLS I actually got slim for the first time EVER. Also, because I have been in different roles and we are a multinational there are people who I only see in person every few years, it is not like there was this "gradual" change. For some folks I literally went from 300+ pounds to 150 and fit. Shocking change in my appearance.

I had more then one "holy Sh*T" type reaction. I had a few guys behave in ways that were probably on the edge of appropriatenss on a work setting - but I chalked it up to shock and frankly I WAS shocked at how good I turned out looks wise so I cut alot of slack.

The one that I struggled with the most was a woman who is kind of a spaz/weird person anyway (impulse control problem type of person) who just couldn't get over it. I mean, over a period of months she would walk up to me and insist on seeing my badge because she couldn't believe it was me. Her behavior started to feel creepy actually.

In general, I don't answer questions about how. When people push me I talk about huge transformative events that made me realize how much I needed to change my whole life. There is nothing like talking about your dear sister, who was your best friend dying of breast cancer at age 40 to de-focus the conversation on my weight or how I did it.

Anyway, I kind of viewed that I owed people some patience and love as they adjusted to the new me/new appearance. I feel that way because they were so accepting and supportive of ME even when I felt and looked pretty terrible. I have a long term relationship with a whole organization and I guess I felt like I owed them that.

The beautiful thing is that overtime, people actually forget you were ever obese....

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Ouch. Out of respect for your past "invasions ", I can see why this whole questioning thing would bother you. It is very personal, and unfortunately you can't stop people from asking about your weight loss, especially when they think they're being complimentary. What you can do is put a small sign on your work desk that says something like "Thankyou for noticing my weight loss on my journey to get healthy, but I prefer ALL comments and questions to be between my Dr. and myself. Thank you for understanding. " if someone still asks you a question , state the same comment and then change the subject.........nicely. Hopefully, people will soon get the hint. Good luck to you !

[pink dahlia 2,513]

P.S. Although this s "invasive " too, in a different way, you may consider looking at counseling, maybe someone who specializes in weight loss or another area that you feel you need help with. If this isn't an option, consider looking into a activity that makes you physicaly stronger, such as yoga, pilates, weights, dance, rock climbing, etc. Sometimes when you take control of your body and choose how, when and where you're going to get stronger, this transfers over to other areas and gives you a sense of " I'm in control here, and not anybody else !" It makes outside issues feel less"invasive ", either way, we've got your back. Good luck !

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

@@pink dahlia I think what you suggested above is a really good idea. I am even thinking about self-defense or MMA at some point to get in shape, be a healthy outlet for some pent up anger, and to feel empowered.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I probably wouldn't type this except it's after 1:00 am and I've seen this topic debated / discussed so many times on WLS forums up to now.

Lately, when this topic comes up, I just think to myself, "Fuck everybody who asks and niggles and hints and pries about how I lost all my weight. I did this for my benefit, not theirs. They can figure this shit out for themselves if they really want to.

Most of you guys agonize about this way too much. Take care of yourselves. You don't owe coworkers or random strangers anything on this front -- either your truth or your weight loss cheerleading.

[brenda1949 13]

When I was planning for my gastric bypass surgery, I could tell people that I didn't know. Like the people at the gym where I work out, or the nurse at my doctors office. And without exception they would be so supportive, always telling me about somebody they knew who had it and now they looked great.

But for some reason I couldn't tell people that I knew well. I just didn't want to be talked out of it or hear negative statements. And maybe I would chicken out and wouldn't go thru with it and then how would I look?