How Do You Get Over the Guilt?

[gpmed 623]

You decide to get WLS so you can lose weight and get healthy. You know it won’t be easy, but often, people assume you’re getting WLS because you’re lazy, or you feel guilty for taking the easy way out even though you know that’s ridiculous.

Fair or not, there’s often a lot of guilt involved with WLS. Do you (or did you) feel guilty about deciding to get WLS? Why? Was it because of outside pressure, or did you just feel guilty? Do you still feel guilty? How did you get over your guilt? Do you feel the need to justify your decision?

This is why I wouldn't even consider WLS for years. That and the closest center performing bariatric surgery in the place I lived years ago had bad outcomes. Things changed when I took a job in marketing at an academic medical center a little over a year ago. I was asked to work on several pieces to market our bariatric clinic and I learned how far WLS had come over the years and also what great outcomes our center has. I even got a chance to interview my surgeon for a piece. I did this over the phone so he wouldn't be biased by knowing he was talking to someone eligible for surgery. I was struck by how knowledgable he is, how safe the procedure has become and how well our center is performing.

A couple things he said really slashed through my guilt. First, he said people eligible for surgery who do not have surgery have a 2 percent chance of losing their excess weight and keeping it off. With surgery, those odds move to 50 percent or more. I also asked what his response is to people who say this is taking the easy way out. He said if you think undergoing surgery is taking the easy way out, you need to have your head examined. Hearing that helped me tremendously. Learning not to think of obesity as a moral failing helped too. I do my absolute best not to say things like "I'm cheating today" or "I'm being bad" if I have something off my diet.

I know now that I don't need to justify my surgery to anyone. I'm keeping things fairly quiet to avoid negativity. For those I am telling, I'm happy to hear their genuine concerns and answer questions. But inappropriate comments and unsolicited advice I just won't tolerate. It's none of their business and I don't have to justify my decision to people who don't understand what I'm going through. So far I've only had one family member who has gone there and I shut it down pretty quickly. I'm also surrounding myself with those who support me unconditionally. That helps me keep in my head in the game.

[Smye 695]

@@Sajijoma, I couldn't agree more - that's why I went ahead and did it. It's just hard when money is so tight in the meantime - I'm between jobs at the moment (transitioning from teacher to principal and in the heat of interviews with no end in sight).

[Ellyn 2]

Why would I feel guilty for doing the smartest thing I could do? Nothing else would have eliminated my diabetes or high blood pressure 2 days later?

I don't worry about what other people think, they do not live my life. The important people have supported me from the beginning. I have not hidden my surgery from anyone and have shared my story with many people. I hope that if they feel it is the right decision for them their results are as good as mine.

[Willow822 24]

I didn't tell anyone but immediate family that I was having WLS. I feel guilty when asked how I'm losing weight... Luckily I'm a slow loser and everyone knows I've been doing Weight Watchers for years so I tell them that and exercise. I feel bad though because its not entirely true! I will never feel guilty for having surgery though, it has been the best decision I've ever made!

[Veronica Page 488]

Only guilt I have ever felt was not having it sooner and gaining control over my life much much sooner. Wish I could of done it alone but I'm not feeling guilt for finding a tool to help me in my journey to a long and healthier lifestyle.

[blessed7 29]

you nailed it!!!!!

A little P.S. to this ...

One of the biggest contributors to my obesity was my inactive lifestyle. By inactive, I mean my resistance to standing up and walking across the room to do something, to walking for exercise, to moving for pretty much any reason at all.

But here's the deal ... when you're obese, you hurt. Your knees, back, entire body hurts. You're not insane for not wanting to move, you're just trying not to hurt.

One of the biggest shocks about having lost over 90 pounds is that now I move it, move it, move it. I want to walk, I want to clean house, I want to walk around the living room while the microwave is heating up Water for my tea, I want to make the bed, I want to walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth, I want to mow the lawn, I want to do the grocery shopping. I want to go on business trips and go shopping at the mall and take the garbage out to the garbage can and take the stairs.

I even move my ankles in circles when I'm sitting down.

And that makes all the difference in the world in terms of the calories I'm burning up and the new metabolism I'm buildling. I can now eat 1,750 calories a day at 144 pounds and not gain weight. I'm not sure but what I wasn't gaining weight at 235 pounds while eating 1,750 calories a day.

There's a point you cross as you get fatter and fatter where things get really rough. You simply can't move enough to keep your metabolism high enough to lose weight even if you're not eating all that much.

I honestly don't know how else I could have lost all this weight if I hadn't had WLS. And I didn't truly appreciate the interaction of all these factors until I'd gone through the weight loss phases and nearly 3 months of maintenance. I also know there's a lot more for me to learn.

It's time now with 70% of American adults being overweight or obese that we start having grown-up conversations about the complexity of obesity and the elements required for its solution.

"Just say no" is about the stupidest approach to reducing obesity that I could imagine. If fixing it were simple, I'd be all for that. However, after you've crossed the obesity bridge it ain't all that simple to get back across it.

The guilt associated with WLS would evaporate if, as a society, we understood the actual causes that made us obese and kept us obese from a scientific/medical perspective, instead of from a moral perspective.

Shame and guilt not only don't help us -- they just damage us more.